(no subject)
i miss some things
like a gold 626
i have been having the same dream recently.. where i am in a constant battle of choosing..
part of me knows its so wrong to choose the way i do.. but part of me is so much happier...
its like i am transported back in time as me now.. and i know all the right things to say and i am actually helpful..
i wish i could hit rewind.. ultimate sex-appeal and maturity don't mean everything.... sometimes i miss that cute beautiful girl who used to me make me smile...
too much intimacy and a lack of honesty hurt us.. i hurt us.. my pride hurt us..
i live in guilt and regret often.. its something i try and hide
my beard is light, and quite frankly transparent.... i need that feeling i once felt.. i long for it..
i lost a big part of me... part of me i didn't want to be.. but part of me that was once happy...
i have been working for two years trying to recover what had been lost.. and ive only seem to have found bits and pieces...
so here i am.. with another version of "my confession" to give to you.. its all i have..
i would treat you as a queen and i would respect and love you... with all of my hurt, true and blind...
this message is obviously delayed.. and its too late... i lost it.. so all i have are memories that i never think about..
they only occur when i sleep.. and when i dream.. and when i dream i see you..
its always a battle of choosing.. and i always choose you..
maybe in another life we win... we succeed... my immaturity and jealously led us to fail..
why couldnt i have been me, now, four years ago? why couldnt i have been a little stronger and have had more hope.. we didnt we implement some form of honesty code? so many questions.. but no possibility for answers.. i long to know what i missed out on..
this is getting long and i am contemplating deleting this.. but i wont.. for this is just a little bit of my heart poured out on to some online journal for the few friends i have whom use this..
fairwell
like a gold 626
i have been having the same dream recently.. where i am in a constant battle of choosing..
part of me knows its so wrong to choose the way i do.. but part of me is so much happier...
its like i am transported back in time as me now.. and i know all the right things to say and i am actually helpful..
i wish i could hit rewind.. ultimate sex-appeal and maturity don't mean everything.... sometimes i miss that cute beautiful girl who used to me make me smile...
too much intimacy and a lack of honesty hurt us.. i hurt us.. my pride hurt us..
i live in guilt and regret often.. its something i try and hide
my beard is light, and quite frankly transparent.... i need that feeling i once felt.. i long for it..
i lost a big part of me... part of me i didn't want to be.. but part of me that was once happy...
i have been working for two years trying to recover what had been lost.. and ive only seem to have found bits and pieces...
so here i am.. with another version of "my confession" to give to you.. its all i have..
i would treat you as a queen and i would respect and love you... with all of my hurt, true and blind...
this message is obviously delayed.. and its too late... i lost it.. so all i have are memories that i never think about..
they only occur when i sleep.. and when i dream.. and when i dream i see you..
its always a battle of choosing.. and i always choose you..
maybe in another life we win... we succeed... my immaturity and jealously led us to fail..
why couldnt i have been me, now, four years ago? why couldnt i have been a little stronger and have had more hope.. we didnt we implement some form of honesty code? so many questions.. but no possibility for answers.. i long to know what i missed out on..
this is getting long and i am contemplating deleting this.. but i wont.. for this is just a little bit of my heart poured out on to some online journal for the few friends i have whom use this..
fairwell