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So here it is. Something that I need to get off my chest and seeing as how writing sometimes works and I'm pretty sure people don't even remember what Livejournal is anymore, I decided to use this forum.
For the last year and a half, one of my friends slowly developed into my best-friend. She always made me laugh, feel comfortable, and always at ease. Normal best-friend hokey shit. At some point during the friendship, I want to say late last summer to early fall, we both realized we had feelings for each other. Instead of being mature about it we just continued to flirt with each other until late fall when we both pretty much made the first move.
I'm not going to be nieve about it and say the relationship was perfect, it was far from it. But I do know that I was always supportive and understanding and patient for her, because I knew she had so many problems going on in her life. I tried to help her sort these problems out as best I could, but appearently it wasn't good enough. Only about a month and a half after we started dating did she decide to call it off. That was in early January. January it seems has never been kind to me. Well, flash forward 4 or 5 months and last night we finally had a long over due talk about it.
A three and a half hour long conversation basically boiled down to "it's not you, it's me". She fed me some lines saying she needed me as a friend more than a companion. I tried to see her point in that statement, but it was impossible for me. The entire time we flirted and even when we were dating, I still saw her as my best friend and more. I never put her in a position where I expected more from her because I know her and knew that wasn't what she needed from me.
I guess the thing that upsets me the most is I never once got an outburst of emotion from her. Whether it was positive or negative. Meanwhile after we split, she fooled around with some guy who in my opinion used her and basically made her living and working arrangements hell. A guy that I saw treat her like shit got the burst of emotion that I never recieved. Even when she ended things between us, she might as well have shrugged off the whole thing. She never wanted to be affectionate in front of friends or in public. She always waited until we were in the parking lot walking to my care to hold my hand. That shit hurt the most during the relationship because I saw that and felt she wasn't proud to be with me. She once ran into a high school friend of her's and introduced me AS HER FUCKING FRIEND!
Basically, I'm writing this post just to try and clear my head. The talk i had with her was much needed but I also wonder if some of the things she told me was what I wanted to hear instead of the truth.
Post Script:
The asshole that embarrassed her to the point she lost her living conditions and job, oh yeah, they decided to start dating again.
For the last year and a half, one of my friends slowly developed into my best-friend. She always made me laugh, feel comfortable, and always at ease. Normal best-friend hokey shit. At some point during the friendship, I want to say late last summer to early fall, we both realized we had feelings for each other. Instead of being mature about it we just continued to flirt with each other until late fall when we both pretty much made the first move.
I'm not going to be nieve about it and say the relationship was perfect, it was far from it. But I do know that I was always supportive and understanding and patient for her, because I knew she had so many problems going on in her life. I tried to help her sort these problems out as best I could, but appearently it wasn't good enough. Only about a month and a half after we started dating did she decide to call it off. That was in early January. January it seems has never been kind to me. Well, flash forward 4 or 5 months and last night we finally had a long over due talk about it.
A three and a half hour long conversation basically boiled down to "it's not you, it's me". She fed me some lines saying she needed me as a friend more than a companion. I tried to see her point in that statement, but it was impossible for me. The entire time we flirted and even when we were dating, I still saw her as my best friend and more. I never put her in a position where I expected more from her because I know her and knew that wasn't what she needed from me.
I guess the thing that upsets me the most is I never once got an outburst of emotion from her. Whether it was positive or negative. Meanwhile after we split, she fooled around with some guy who in my opinion used her and basically made her living and working arrangements hell. A guy that I saw treat her like shit got the burst of emotion that I never recieved. Even when she ended things between us, she might as well have shrugged off the whole thing. She never wanted to be affectionate in front of friends or in public. She always waited until we were in the parking lot walking to my care to hold my hand. That shit hurt the most during the relationship because I saw that and felt she wasn't proud to be with me. She once ran into a high school friend of her's and introduced me AS HER FUCKING FRIEND!
Basically, I'm writing this post just to try and clear my head. The talk i had with her was much needed but I also wonder if some of the things she told me was what I wanted to hear instead of the truth.
Post Script:
The asshole that embarrassed her to the point she lost her living conditions and job, oh yeah, they decided to start dating again.