resolutions
as April is my bad luck month, i figured he would have broken up with me then instead of this morning. although we did begin dating in April. it's still my brother's birth-month and it's still the anniversary of.. well, you know.
and so, when something ends, something new must begin, and that's when i usually tell myself i'll try harder i'll be better i will i will i will. although i usually fail, trying is what counts.
i want to try vegetarianism again. this would be the third time, i believe. i love meat and currently it's HARD to be a vegetarian, but it's something i want to do. i want to feel healthy and i think this is the only way. if i have to think about what i'm eating, i'll definitely make better decisions.
--
shit i can't think of anything else. too close together. he was the new beginning and i had resolutions and goddamn it, i was sticking to them. i let him open fucking doors for me! i tried, i tried so fucking hard to look nice for him. painted my nails and put thought into what i wore and jesus that is a lot for me. that is so much. and makeup. god i wasn't like, in love with him or anything but the fact that it didn't mean anything to him makes me feel like shit. i don't know if i continue to think about how i look because i have gotten a lot of compliments and i think i should but i still don't know. i don't want to sit around and be like, waiting for him to come back to me because that is so not gonna happen.
shit. we're still friends. we're still good friends. if anything, we'll probably be better friends because of this. but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
is it bad to miss the way he draws out his vowels? his very very slight southern accent? will he still make me laugh across the classroom or sit behind me and pick hairs off my sweater? he did these things before, but is it different now?
all i want is someone who i can fucking lean on. someone i can go up to and get an extra long hug without a word and feel a world better about the world.
but right now he's only making me feel worse.
things get worse before they get better, right?
i just want someone i can be close to. i have so much difficulty being close to people. i trust no one. you don't know anything about me.
IT REALLY SUCKS BECAUSE LAST NIGHT I STARTED TALKING ABOUT MY FEELINGS AJKHIJHETIUSHKDJFGHDKJFGHDKJF
JESUS.
it's SO hard.
i just want someone who doesn't live a world away to know my secrets and my thoughts and
i thought it was him.
and so, when something ends, something new must begin, and that's when i usually tell myself i'll try harder i'll be better i will i will i will. although i usually fail, trying is what counts.
i want to try vegetarianism again. this would be the third time, i believe. i love meat and currently it's HARD to be a vegetarian, but it's something i want to do. i want to feel healthy and i think this is the only way. if i have to think about what i'm eating, i'll definitely make better decisions.
--
shit i can't think of anything else. too close together. he was the new beginning and i had resolutions and goddamn it, i was sticking to them. i let him open fucking doors for me! i tried, i tried so fucking hard to look nice for him. painted my nails and put thought into what i wore and jesus that is a lot for me. that is so much. and makeup. god i wasn't like, in love with him or anything but the fact that it didn't mean anything to him makes me feel like shit. i don't know if i continue to think about how i look because i have gotten a lot of compliments and i think i should but i still don't know. i don't want to sit around and be like, waiting for him to come back to me because that is so not gonna happen.
shit. we're still friends. we're still good friends. if anything, we'll probably be better friends because of this. but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
is it bad to miss the way he draws out his vowels? his very very slight southern accent? will he still make me laugh across the classroom or sit behind me and pick hairs off my sweater? he did these things before, but is it different now?
all i want is someone who i can fucking lean on. someone i can go up to and get an extra long hug without a word and feel a world better about the world.
but right now he's only making me feel worse.
things get worse before they get better, right?
i just want someone i can be close to. i have so much difficulty being close to people. i trust no one. you don't know anything about me.
IT REALLY SUCKS BECAUSE LAST NIGHT I STARTED TALKING ABOUT MY FEELINGS AJKHIJHETIUSHKDJFGHDKJFGHDKJF
JESUS.
it's SO hard.
i just want someone who doesn't live a world away to know my secrets and my thoughts and
i thought it was him.