The High Council of Celebrity Bimbos
Yeah, it's pretty obvious that I keep up with entertainment news. This is mostly because I like to keep my ear to the ground for upcoming movies. But when you scan the entertainment news, you can't help but absorb some celebrity news and this year's celebrity bimbo insanity has been like a train wreck...you just can't tear your eyes away.
Ever get the idea they have secret meetings and plan all this out? Here's how I think that might go.
Lindsay: Okay, mark me down for drunk driving & coke possession.
Paris: Nicely done. Plus you get ten points for doing it immediately post-rehab.
Britney: Y'all, I'm doing that rehab thing again for real. I could SO use another week of aromatherapy.
Lindsay: I'm sure, especially after your OK magazine photo shoot - that was brilliant! I give it 75 points for originality. Where did you get the idea to have your dog crap on the dress?
Paris: That was my idea. I was going to have my chihuahua poop on Ryan Seacrest at the Emmys once, but apparently he didn't have to go number two. And I fed him chili and everything! So I let Britney have it.
Britney: I didn't even notice it...my eyes are not trained to see poop.
Lindsay: I suppose you don't do much diaper changing for your kids.
Britney: Wait...I've got kids?
Paris: Let's get back to talking points, ladies - I went to jail. That still pulls me number one rank around here.
Nicole Richie (sticks head in door): I'm going to jail, too, you guys!
Britney: Oh, who cares? You're a wake-swimmer. Get outa here before I grab an umbrella and come after you.
Paris: She's so three weeks ago.
Lindsay: Totally. Well, I really need to head out - I have a Larry King interview to do.
Paris: Gonna tell him you found God?
Lindsay: I was thinking maybe I'd tell him I'd found Satan and see if that stirs up some drama.
Britney: Awesome. You should hit on him, too. That's a guaranteed 50 extra points.
Paris: Eew...Larry King? SO not hot. I did his cameraman, though.
Lindsay: On video?
Paris: I think it's on YouTube already.
Miley Cyrus (sticks head in door): Can I join your club? I'm kind of a rebel...I stayed up past midnight for the Kids Choice awards!
Britney: Get lost, you tween queen, before Lindsay chokes you with her alcohol detecting ankle bracelet.
Lindsay: Never mind her. I'm sure Larry is going to ask me what's up next for me. So what's on my list to do?
Paris: You're going to rob a convenience store next month.
Britney: Oh dang, y'all, I thought that was mine!
Paris: No, you're going to sell one of your kids on eBay.
Britney: Wait, I have kids?
Lindsay: And after the convenience store?
Paris: You're going to go on an all vienna sausage diet and see how many young girls you can get to do it, too.
Britney: Can I steal an airplane and fly it to San Juan?
Paris: (checks list) Okay, but you have to run for Governor of Alabama first.
Lindsay: Hey, I'm late for my interview - I think I'm gonna carjack an SUV to drive over.
Paris: Nice one. Worth at least twenty points.
Britney: You need a beer for the road?
Lindsay: Nah, it'll mess up my crystal meth buzz.
Paris: Have fun!
Yes, I'm avoiding work. Why do you ask? :)
Ever get the idea they have secret meetings and plan all this out? Here's how I think that might go.
Lindsay: Okay, mark me down for drunk driving & coke possession.
Paris: Nicely done. Plus you get ten points for doing it immediately post-rehab.
Britney: Y'all, I'm doing that rehab thing again for real. I could SO use another week of aromatherapy.
Lindsay: I'm sure, especially after your OK magazine photo shoot - that was brilliant! I give it 75 points for originality. Where did you get the idea to have your dog crap on the dress?
Paris: That was my idea. I was going to have my chihuahua poop on Ryan Seacrest at the Emmys once, but apparently he didn't have to go number two. And I fed him chili and everything! So I let Britney have it.
Britney: I didn't even notice it...my eyes are not trained to see poop.
Lindsay: I suppose you don't do much diaper changing for your kids.
Britney: Wait...I've got kids?
Paris: Let's get back to talking points, ladies - I went to jail. That still pulls me number one rank around here.
Nicole Richie (sticks head in door): I'm going to jail, too, you guys!
Britney: Oh, who cares? You're a wake-swimmer. Get outa here before I grab an umbrella and come after you.
Paris: She's so three weeks ago.
Lindsay: Totally. Well, I really need to head out - I have a Larry King interview to do.
Paris: Gonna tell him you found God?
Lindsay: I was thinking maybe I'd tell him I'd found Satan and see if that stirs up some drama.
Britney: Awesome. You should hit on him, too. That's a guaranteed 50 extra points.
Paris: Eew...Larry King? SO not hot. I did his cameraman, though.
Lindsay: On video?
Paris: I think it's on YouTube already.
Miley Cyrus (sticks head in door): Can I join your club? I'm kind of a rebel...I stayed up past midnight for the Kids Choice awards!
Britney: Get lost, you tween queen, before Lindsay chokes you with her alcohol detecting ankle bracelet.
Lindsay: Never mind her. I'm sure Larry is going to ask me what's up next for me. So what's on my list to do?
Paris: You're going to rob a convenience store next month.
Britney: Oh dang, y'all, I thought that was mine!
Paris: No, you're going to sell one of your kids on eBay.
Britney: Wait, I have kids?
Lindsay: And after the convenience store?
Paris: You're going to go on an all vienna sausage diet and see how many young girls you can get to do it, too.
Britney: Can I steal an airplane and fly it to San Juan?
Paris: (checks list) Okay, but you have to run for Governor of Alabama first.
Lindsay: Hey, I'm late for my interview - I think I'm gonna carjack an SUV to drive over.
Paris: Nice one. Worth at least twenty points.
Britney: You need a beer for the road?
Lindsay: Nah, it'll mess up my crystal meth buzz.
Paris: Have fun!
Yes, I'm avoiding work. Why do you ask? :)