Continued
Allison came over and we talked. She knows how to calm me down, and keep me sane.
I asked her why she kept doing it, why she kisses me and holds me even if she loves some other guy. She answered that it was because they weren't dating and that it was fun. She said if she was in my position she would take a few steps back. I really don't want to do that though. If I take steps back now, when I'm ready to come back together she'll be gone off to law school, which is where she is going this summer.
I just feel like if I am miserable one third of a time but so fucking happy the other two thirds of the time it is okay, I guess. We're going to be forced apart this summer anyhow, so why not see this thing through? This girl is a laundry list of girls I "love." If I read this journal end to end, I bet I could find at least 40 girls I say I am in love with or I love. That is outrageous, but I am so sure of this. Lindsay never made me feel this way, Whitney never made me feel this way, Sam never made me feel this way, Allison makes me feel like her and I are separate from the rest of the world and that, because of that, we are our own world within our bubble. She makes me feel like nothing else matters; not money, not friends, not my job, not my family, not Egypt, not anything. When I am with her the rest of the world could burn to ashes and I wouldn't blink an eye.
I've said it countless times about countless other women before, but I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone else ever. I don't know where my life would be without her, but it certainly wouldn't be how it is now. And every time I am with her and I can just forget about this other guy and everything else my life is so magical.
She is coming over tomorrow to play guitar more. We have to go to Mountain Music to get her some guitar supplies (and a new violin bow), and then she has to leave to see this boy. Until then, I expect my day to be magical, and hopefully I don't completely fall apart.
I asked her why she kept doing it, why she kisses me and holds me even if she loves some other guy. She answered that it was because they weren't dating and that it was fun. She said if she was in my position she would take a few steps back. I really don't want to do that though. If I take steps back now, when I'm ready to come back together she'll be gone off to law school, which is where she is going this summer.
I just feel like if I am miserable one third of a time but so fucking happy the other two thirds of the time it is okay, I guess. We're going to be forced apart this summer anyhow, so why not see this thing through? This girl is a laundry list of girls I "love." If I read this journal end to end, I bet I could find at least 40 girls I say I am in love with or I love. That is outrageous, but I am so sure of this. Lindsay never made me feel this way, Whitney never made me feel this way, Sam never made me feel this way, Allison makes me feel like her and I are separate from the rest of the world and that, because of that, we are our own world within our bubble. She makes me feel like nothing else matters; not money, not friends, not my job, not my family, not Egypt, not anything. When I am with her the rest of the world could burn to ashes and I wouldn't blink an eye.
I've said it countless times about countless other women before, but I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone else ever. I don't know where my life would be without her, but it certainly wouldn't be how it is now. And every time I am with her and I can just forget about this other guy and everything else my life is so magical.
She is coming over tomorrow to play guitar more. We have to go to Mountain Music to get her some guitar supplies (and a new violin bow), and then she has to leave to see this boy. Until then, I expect my day to be magical, and hopefully I don't completely fall apart.