Crap People Say About Sexual Harassment

[jimhines]

From various posts and conversations around the internet…

“If you obviously can’t handle the social interactions at an SF Book con, then perhaps you need to seek some education … I suggest that you never, ever leave the confines of white, educated middle class North American society. In Nigeria and Saudi Arabia they take people like you and

Comments

[tithenai]

That first quote. Where has it come from. Feeling a strange need to set my brain on fire and sprinkle its cinders with salt.

[jimhines]

I went back and forth about posting links, and finally decided not to. But Googling a quote should let you find the source without too much trouble.

That said, I'd recommend against it. It's much more of the same, and I'm feeling protective of your brain.

[tithenai]

Oh, very good call. I am going to seek it out because I want to know if I ever encounter the person who said these things in person, that I may just walk away.

[ironed_orchid]

I did google it, and 3 out of the top 4 hits are links to this post. I call that a win.

[crewgrrl]

Can I throw my hands up and just run screaming? Because this nonsense from people who don't care to know better makes me despair of fandom.

[jimhines]

For what it's worth, I do think more people are becoming aware. While there will always be ignorance and outright dumbassery, I also see signs of progress.

But yeah, sometimes you just need to run and shout for a while.

[beth_bernobich]

Yeah, the excuses, victim blaming, and downright dismissal of what happened has me extra tired and stressed this week. It's one reason I posted this yesterday:

http://beth-bernobich.livejournal.com/435794.html

[jimhines]

"'You are uniformly charming!' cried he, with an air of awkward gallantry; 'and I am persuaded that when pursued relentlessly over the next two days, you will not fail to find my proposals acceptable.'"

::Twitch::

Nicely done.

[rarelylynne]

+1

[beth_bernobich]

I barely needed to tweak the text, which is scary. (Though to give Mr. Collins some credit, *he* never went beyond the bounds of propriety.)

[yendi]

These are uniformly awesome responses. But you're probably eliminating any chance of your winning the Hugo for fan writing next year. ;-)

[jimhines]

I already recused myself from that category, and it's TOO LATE FOR THEM TO TAKE AWAY MY SHINY TROPHY FOR THIS YEAR!!!

[yendi]

Wait, don't SMOFs have power over space and time? Or would changing the award create a paradox?

[jimhines]

SMOFs, no. You're thinking of Secret Masters of Wibbly-Wobbly, Timey-Wimey Stuff. SMOWWTWSs, for short.

[nyxalinth]

I read Captain Awkward all the time (I might have even found her blog through you) and she has some great advice for just these sorts of things.

I went to my first con in 1986 and there was a guy there. He flirted with me and when things progressed to an uncomfortable point for me, he was very kind and left me alone. I don't recall his name, only that he worked for that company that used to produce dice, etc. I think it was The Armory. I got off really, really lucky.

[naomikritzer]

You know, I disagree that this was luck. I think MOST of the time at cons the flirtation stops when the target acts uninterested. I've been flirted with and hit on, sometimes subtly and sometimes overtly, sometimes by guys who are interested in me specifically and sometimes by guys who are looking for anything available in the category, "Female and breathing." When I have acted Not Interested In That Way, it has always (so far) stopped.

I'm not saying this because I think I did it RIGHT and the victims of harassment did it WRONG. My point is that I think the norm, in modern fandom, is appropriate behavior. And that's great, because it provides us with really excellent groundwork for further marginalizing unacceptable behavior.

[starcat_jewel]

This. Because your experience parallels mine; in 30+ years of con-going, I've never had anyone try to push past the point where I indicated disinterest. That can't be just me; some of it has to be the people I was interacting with.

Which in turn indicates that most people at cons (both male and female) understand civilized, adult behavior. If I was "lucky" about anything, it was that I never became a target for one of the ones who don't.

[thedragonweaver]

Of course, it's even more fun when you don't realize you're being flirted with. There was a teenage fanboi at ConJose in 2002 that was gushing all over me in the elevator. I just put it down to typical teenage enthusiasm, and it wasn't until my husband burst out laughing later and told me the kid was flirting that I realized anything was up. (I have no idea how old the kid thought I was, but I had at least six and maybe eight years on him.)

Anyway. He certainly had no problems stopping the interaction when appropriate, and if a teenaged boy can learn that, an adult should well be able to.