In Which Jim Whines
Two weeks ago, I took time off of the day job so I could be with my wife during a surgical procedure and the first part of her recovery. Everything went smoothly, and I brought her home on day two.
For the next week and a half, I played stay-at-home Dad. I got up with the kids, fed them breakfast, and got them off to school. I took care of dishes, ( Read more... )
Because I've a partner who is unemployed (technically he's retired and has been pulling pension for a decade) and on subsidies to survive. Because I've got my own bills that have come from taking the brunt of the financial burdens that hit the household. Because not only is my partner positive, so am I and the complex costs (thankfully not the drugs, but the secondary and tertiary issues) that it spawns are festive.
I am in that spot now where even a week off sometimes feels like a danger because I am so wildly tempted just to not go back. If I wasn't aware that I am on that razor's edge balanced between being employed with a roof over my head and being on the street? Yeah, I'd leave in a heart beat. But there is always the next day. And the day after.
The point of this is that I wanted to say... the hidden stress is the subtext out there that if you have money to have clothing and a house and food and and and... you have no right to be unhappy. Bull. Absolute and utter bull. (pardon the language)
It's stressful and hectic and it eventually turns into a soul grinding experience of actively being in a spot in life that is uncomfortable... all the while feeling even more unpleasant pressure to not complain. More accurately, not to dislike it.
You do. I do. It sucks. Period. I have spent months, up to a year, going squirrelly trying to figure a way out of the present crosshairs I'm in. And all I can say for sure is that right now there is no way out but I'm well past caring if people get (censored) about my attitude in private. It sucks. Beyond words. And I'm not going to pretend it doesn't.
I completely understand, Jim. Vent. It doesn't do much, but it sure as heck makes one feel better. Which is something. ;)
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I know there's a philosophy that you'd be crazy to do a job you don't love, and gosh, it would be great if life worked that way. For some people it does, and that's wonderful. But there's a reason things like food and shelter come lower on the hierarchy of needs than all that self-actualization stuff.
Yes on the hidden stress, too. There's the idea that because others have it worse off, you're not allowed to complain or feel frustrated with your lot. And I definitely think it's good to be aware of what you have, and to keep some perspective, but the idea that other people's pain somehow means mine doesn't count or shouldn't be talked about? That's just silly.
If I ever establish my multimillion-dollar goblin empire, I'm so hiring you to come do computer stuff for me. Working for goblins can't be any worse than where you are now, right? At least goblins understand if you occasionally snap and toss one into oncoming traffic...
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I could SO work for goblins if that were true.
:P
I believe in perspective. And not living in those moments of wailing. But I don't, also, deny they exist. I have never liked the whole culture of comparing pain. Let people have their pain, no matter what you think of it. To a teenager, that phone call is the entire world while to the parent next to them it's just one of many to come. Does it make it any less Important? No. So why any of this?
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