the bbc
GUESS WHO'S BACK!!!?!??!?!?!? JIMBO'S BACK!!!!! BACK AGAIN!!!! TELL THE BIG PAL!!!
Well well well. The Jim Whites of this world thought i'd bloody well forgotten about this glorious wee journal of my triumphs but I HADN'T!!! The mere reason i haven't been scribbling has nothing to do with my beloved Huns being as utterly dismal as a caravan holiday in December in Skegness with Andy Walker, No, the reason I've not been chronicalling my great life is cause my BOUFING SISTER fucking broke my 679080-MB connection to the net when she was pished and an UNWELCOME guest in my house. The connection is so amazing it took ages to fix btw.
ANYWAY I'll begin with SATURDAY - me and my big pal Mark Hately went to a certain game. hmmm. We'll let the paint dry on that one before we make any comments. In the evening I went to meet SARAH 0 (yes, alas we are still a firm unit, our union is tighter than that of Fraser Wishart's Player's Union) we later re-met Hately, Charnley, Ally Maxwell, Bomber (looking very much like a gangster) and of course Alex Cleland. We went, of course, to Viccys. Chic-0 was drinking red wine, the big fenian poof. SARAH 0's BOUFIN pal "Tasha" showed up later, and her and Chic-o disappeared into a stairwell together, ooo-err. We left, got a delightful platter of food, then me and SARAH 0 went back to my Trendy West End Pad via a Fast Black and got in and (insert yer own______).
SUNDAY - Went and watched the BORING SHITEY tims win against Whiteinch Wellfair or whatever PISH EASY team they were playing. YAWN.
Anyway i later wrote a column which was deemed too controversial to submit to the Daily Retard, but here it is in all of it is glory yes.
THE DELAHUNT VERDICT - Jim pulls no Punches when it comes to the HARD issues of Scottish Football - By Jim (hero) Delahunt
ISSUE NUMBER ONE -THE JAM TARTS- What the BLOODY HELL is going on at Hearts, they start the season like they're fucking Argentina but then this silly wee Romananananaov guy sacks my good friend George Burley after he has made an impeccable start to the season. WHAT IS HE THINKIN?
THEN, to add insult to injury they are going to appoint Graham Rix! Graham Rix likes to get up to some heavy trix with y'know, wee dawls. HE IS HOWEVER highly recommended by Jim Duffy who is one of my main muckers, but still, I firmly and fully and firstly believe such a radical appointment will really ANGER THE PROUD AND PISSED OFF GORGIE FAITHFUL.
I mean it's a bit like Derek Whyte getting appointed as the new manager of Man United, bloody insane.
ISSUE NUMBER TWO - ALEXANDER JIMMY MCLEISH- It has to be said, and I say this without a HINT of favouritism and by-kick-ast that Rangers are in a bit of a bloody mess at the moment. Big DADO is the only man who seems to give a flying fuck that the lads might not even qualify for the champions league next season which would be utterly scandalous. The Jammy tims have found some form due to their fixture list so far being absolutley simple, but THINGS JUST AREN'T HAPPENING FOR Rangers. Me and Hately have discussed long into the night how the matter could be Rectifyed, but we always seem to end up with just bringing back him, coisty and Goram.
So McLeish - GET YER BLOODY ACT TOGETHER OR YOU WILL BE THE NEXT RAITH ROVERS MANAGER. As for a replacement I would take George Burley in a flash but knowing Rangers they'll probably appoint Gus McPherson.
ISSUE NUMBER THREE - WHO'S GONNAE WIN THE LEAGUE?- Hearts. They have BY FAR THE most cheeky team, I mean big Elvis is captain. Celtic think they're the best thing since sliced bread the now cause they've got a wee run going but just remember, Paul Telfer. Nuff Said. Rudi "Gullit" Skacel will score 290493 against them.
And so that wraps up every issue in the scottish game today, I hope you AGREE with me, Jim Delahunt otherwise you are either:
a) a cunt
b) jim white
c) andy walker
d) all of the above.
Well fan(nys) it's been a pleasure, keep it tight and maybe things will be all change come Wednesday. I know i'll be utterly hammered no matter what! oo-err
Well well well. The Jim Whites of this world thought i'd bloody well forgotten about this glorious wee journal of my triumphs but I HADN'T!!! The mere reason i haven't been scribbling has nothing to do with my beloved Huns being as utterly dismal as a caravan holiday in December in Skegness with Andy Walker, No, the reason I've not been chronicalling my great life is cause my BOUFING SISTER fucking broke my 679080-MB connection to the net when she was pished and an UNWELCOME guest in my house. The connection is so amazing it took ages to fix btw.
ANYWAY I'll begin with SATURDAY - me and my big pal Mark Hately went to a certain game. hmmm. We'll let the paint dry on that one before we make any comments. In the evening I went to meet SARAH 0 (yes, alas we are still a firm unit, our union is tighter than that of Fraser Wishart's Player's Union) we later re-met Hately, Charnley, Ally Maxwell, Bomber (looking very much like a gangster) and of course Alex Cleland. We went, of course, to Viccys. Chic-0 was drinking red wine, the big fenian poof. SARAH 0's BOUFIN pal "Tasha" showed up later, and her and Chic-o disappeared into a stairwell together, ooo-err. We left, got a delightful platter of food, then me and SARAH 0 went back to my Trendy West End Pad via a Fast Black and got in and (insert yer own______).
SUNDAY - Went and watched the BORING SHITEY tims win against Whiteinch Wellfair or whatever PISH EASY team they were playing. YAWN.
Anyway i later wrote a column which was deemed too controversial to submit to the Daily Retard, but here it is in all of it is glory yes.
THE DELAHUNT VERDICT - Jim pulls no Punches when it comes to the HARD issues of Scottish Football - By Jim (hero) Delahunt
ISSUE NUMBER ONE -THE JAM TARTS- What the BLOODY HELL is going on at Hearts, they start the season like they're fucking Argentina but then this silly wee Romananananaov guy sacks my good friend George Burley after he has made an impeccable start to the season. WHAT IS HE THINKIN?
THEN, to add insult to injury they are going to appoint Graham Rix! Graham Rix likes to get up to some heavy trix with y'know, wee dawls. HE IS HOWEVER highly recommended by Jim Duffy who is one of my main muckers, but still, I firmly and fully and firstly believe such a radical appointment will really ANGER THE PROUD AND PISSED OFF GORGIE FAITHFUL.
I mean it's a bit like Derek Whyte getting appointed as the new manager of Man United, bloody insane.
ISSUE NUMBER TWO - ALEXANDER JIMMY MCLEISH- It has to be said, and I say this without a HINT of favouritism and by-kick-ast that Rangers are in a bit of a bloody mess at the moment. Big DADO is the only man who seems to give a flying fuck that the lads might not even qualify for the champions league next season which would be utterly scandalous. The Jammy tims have found some form due to their fixture list so far being absolutley simple, but THINGS JUST AREN'T HAPPENING FOR Rangers. Me and Hately have discussed long into the night how the matter could be Rectifyed, but we always seem to end up with just bringing back him, coisty and Goram.
So McLeish - GET YER BLOODY ACT TOGETHER OR YOU WILL BE THE NEXT RAITH ROVERS MANAGER. As for a replacement I would take George Burley in a flash but knowing Rangers they'll probably appoint Gus McPherson.
ISSUE NUMBER THREE - WHO'S GONNAE WIN THE LEAGUE?- Hearts. They have BY FAR THE most cheeky team, I mean big Elvis is captain. Celtic think they're the best thing since sliced bread the now cause they've got a wee run going but just remember, Paul Telfer. Nuff Said. Rudi "Gullit" Skacel will score 290493 against them.
And so that wraps up every issue in the scottish game today, I hope you AGREE with me, Jim Delahunt otherwise you are either:
a) a cunt
b) jim white
c) andy walker
d) all of the above.
Well fan(nys) it's been a pleasure, keep it tight and maybe things will be all change come Wednesday. I know i'll be utterly hammered no matter what! oo-err