Slowdown, You Talk Too Fast
Finally, a break. After months and months of pretty much continuous work and toil, almost entirely focused on one moderately sized studio I can spend time not thinking. Well, for maybe four days. And let's be honest, I'm not going to stop thinking, if anything, I have more time to do so.
So here I am, 2.30 in the morning, trying to decide if it's that I'm sick, in a house with cats stomping around, or if it's that I ate real food for the first time in months, but I feel like shit. Just thought the whole world would want to know that.
This has been the singular most thunderous damn semester of my college career. And let's be honest, everything before that was pretty fucking boring. So what I'm saying is that it's been a pretty mind blowing couple of months.
I've learned what it is to be an artist. Well, moreso than ever before. I'm not there yet, I have a shitload to learn, and I'm still pretty much half assing it, but I think I understand what it is that I have to do, where I want to go, and how to write run on sentences.
I've learned that I'm not as much an asshole as I thought I was. I mean, I am, but in the end, I can't stop being nice.
I've learned that certain people can get to me, I don't know what it is about these people, but I'm putty to them. It sucks, and it's great. Mostly it makes me miserable. But in a masochistic way, I like it.
I've learned I'm a vicious narcissist.
I've learned what it is to be supported and to support people who I genuinely care for. I've found a community that is honestly important to me.
I've learned what it's like to live without. Without TV, without internet, without slack, without staring at a wall for hours.
I've learned there needs to be another day in a week, or a few more hours in a day.
I've learned my limits, and I still break them time and again.
I've pushed myself. I've spread myself thin. I've fallen for every fucking trap I could this year, I've seen almost all of them coming a mile off, but still I go straight for the bait. Mostly because I'm a fucking idiot. But dammit to hell, that little bait in the middle is too much for me.
So here I am, delirious, tired, not satisfied in how I just articulated how I feel. Grossed out on my self indulgent writing. I'll try to put up stupid pictures or something in the near future.
Oh yeah. The most important thing I've come to understand completely in the last three months:
It's all about the love.
So here I am, 2.30 in the morning, trying to decide if it's that I'm sick, in a house with cats stomping around, or if it's that I ate real food for the first time in months, but I feel like shit. Just thought the whole world would want to know that.
This has been the singular most thunderous damn semester of my college career. And let's be honest, everything before that was pretty fucking boring. So what I'm saying is that it's been a pretty mind blowing couple of months.
I've learned what it is to be an artist. Well, moreso than ever before. I'm not there yet, I have a shitload to learn, and I'm still pretty much half assing it, but I think I understand what it is that I have to do, where I want to go, and how to write run on sentences.
I've learned that I'm not as much an asshole as I thought I was. I mean, I am, but in the end, I can't stop being nice.
I've learned that certain people can get to me, I don't know what it is about these people, but I'm putty to them. It sucks, and it's great. Mostly it makes me miserable. But in a masochistic way, I like it.
I've learned I'm a vicious narcissist.
I've learned what it is to be supported and to support people who I genuinely care for. I've found a community that is honestly important to me.
I've learned what it's like to live without. Without TV, without internet, without slack, without staring at a wall for hours.
I've learned there needs to be another day in a week, or a few more hours in a day.
I've learned my limits, and I still break them time and again.
I've pushed myself. I've spread myself thin. I've fallen for every fucking trap I could this year, I've seen almost all of them coming a mile off, but still I go straight for the bait. Mostly because I'm a fucking idiot. But dammit to hell, that little bait in the middle is too much for me.
So here I am, delirious, tired, not satisfied in how I just articulated how I feel. Grossed out on my self indulgent writing. I'll try to put up stupid pictures or something in the near future.
Oh yeah. The most important thing I've come to understand completely in the last three months:
It's all about the love.