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[jim_halpert]

Jim had told Pam to come by earlier that day. It seemed as good a time as any for her to see if she needed anything from the art supplies, and with Sam off being babysat, it meant it'd be all the easier to get through it without too much interruption. He had a feeling she wouldn't want to dwell in there too long and, honestly, neither did he

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[this_is_pam]

Though he'd been the one to offer the art supplies and to tell her to come over, Pam couldn't help but still be a little hesitant, especially when she didn't get an answer right away. She'd been about to turn around, figuring that there was no reason she couldn't just come back later, when she finally heard him call her in; even then, she walked in almost carefully, staying by the door after she'd closed it. Anything else would have felt a little too much like she was inviting herself in, and she really didn't need to spend any more time worrying about being an imposition, or forcing her presence on him.

"Jim?" she called, hands clasped in front of her as she rocked back on her heels. "Is this a good time?" She wouldn't have minded if he wanted her to come back later, or if he changed his mind completely, and she needed him to know that, even if she didn't outright say it.

[jim_halpert]

"Yeah, sure," he said, putting aside the picture. No good would come out of looking at it longer than he had to. Heading out to lean against the door frame, he offered her a sort of hesitant smile. "I'm glad you came. Come on over, all the stuff is in here."

[this_is_pam]

Returning the smile, Pam crossed to where he was standing, though she still hung back just a little. That she felt just a little hesitant, even with him right there, couldn't be helped. They might've been more at ease around each other lately, but this was still the one part of his life she knew she had no real business interfering in -- the part that had involved her before. Of course, it didn't help that just feeling awkward around him only heightened the feeling. It reminded her of the last year back home all over again.

He didn't need to know that, though. As far as she was aware, he didn't even know why all of that had happened in the first place. She wasn't sure if she was grateful for that or not. "Thanks again," she said, about as warmly as she was about. "You're sure this is still okay?"

[jim_halpert]

"Wouldn't have invited you over if it wasn't," he said, nodding for her to follow him in as he headed back into the room. There were some days he wished she didn't tread so lightly around him. It only served to remind him exactly why she'd have to do that. "I'd...rather it be used than not, you know? It's not doing much good just sitting in here."

And it wasn't like his Pam would ever be back to need it.

[this_is_pam]

The way she saw it, she had no choice but to tread lightly. Her being there couldn't have been easy for him and she knew it, and the way she saw it, it was better to be careful than overly familiar. It wasn't as if she knew him here like she did back home, anyway. He'd had years of life here that she hadn't, as she was now, been around to see. Besides, there was too much she had to keep at bay, for both of their sakes.

Even so, she followed him in, exhaling slowly in an attempt to get herself to relax more. It was still a little weird, looking at things that she knew had been hers, but what he'd said was right. Supplies like these ought to have been used, and she would definitely be doing that. "Oh, wow," she said, glancing around at what had been left in there. "This - this is really great."

[jim_halpert]

"You can take what you need now, and come back for more later," he said, leaning against the wall as he watched her look around. "There should be more than enough of things you can work with."

Pam had amassed quite a bit, Jim knew. It was more than enough for her to get started painting again now.

[this_is_pam]

While she'd prepared herself to be seeing what had been hers before, what she somehow hadn't expected was to see things she'd obviously drawn and painted before. It was weird in a way that just knowing she'd been there before hadn't been, being faced with a sort of tangible evidence of it that was immediately recognizable as her own. For a moment, it was probably apparent, too; she shrugged it off quickly, though. If it was hard for her, it had to be moreso for him.

"Yeah, definitely," she said, nodding, glancing back up at him with a smile that was still a little wary. She grew unintentionally quieter before she spoke again, though why, she didn't really want to know. "Really, Jim, this - it means a lot."

[jim_halpert]

Jim really hadn't even considered what seeing older pictures Pam had drawn before she disappeared would do to her now. He immediately felt guilty the moment he saw the expression that crossed her face, as fast as it went away.

"I'm sorry," he said, wincing a little as he rubbed the side of his neck. "I should have probably put all that aside before you came. You can just nudge the papers aside if you find anything."

[this_is_pam]

"No, no, don't worry about it," she cut in quickly, shaking her head. She really didn't need to make this more awkward than it already kind of was, nor did she have any intention of making him feel like he'd done something wrong. It wasn't his fault any more than it was hers. "I just - wasn't expecting, you know. It's really not a big deal." She probably should have thought of it, anyway. Everything that had been hers wouldn't have just disappeared along with her, or else she wouldn't have even been there at all, and it wasn't like she'd have thought Jim would just get rid of it all.

[jim_halpert]

That didn't make him feel any less bad about it. Sighing, he nodded, leaning against the wall again.

"I just - saved things, everything, really. For Sam, mostly, since I wasn't expecting you to show up again," he explained, though he knew she didn't expect an explanation. He shrugged a little uselessly. "Figured this place was as good a place as any to put it until she was older."

[this_is_pam]

Pam nodded, momentarily quiet again. It made sense, it really did; it was her side of things, the disappearing and showing back up again, that didn't. No matter how sure either of them were of that, though, the issue was still an uncomfortable one anyway. She hated that, she really did, but it was unavoidable, and it wouldn't have been worth staying away from him to try to move past it. He meant too much to her for that.

"No, I - I get it, that makes sense, really," she said, a little more quietly. She shouldn't have let it get to her, and he shouldn't have felt like he needed to explain because of it. "I'm glad you kept it for her. That's -" Pausing, she let out a laugh, but it was a mirthless one, and her voice had lowered again when she continued. "That's probably what I would have wanted you to do."

[jim_halpert]

Jim was quiet for a long moment. He spent a lot of time wishing he could tell if he was doing the right thing, and if Pam would be happy with his choices - his Pam. Her saying that took him off guard, but it made him surprisingly glad to hear it.

"You did a lot of stuff," he said, moving now as he retrieved one of the newspapers he kept. He said he'd help catch her up, after all. He held it out to her. "Art-related, I mean. See, you were the person who did monthly comics for the paper here. William really liked your work."

[this_is_pam]

There were moments, though brief ones, that Pam had to wonder if this really was a good idea. Were it anyone else, she'd probably have decided against it far before now. It seemed, at those times, like too much, like she'd never be able to get past what was putting distance between them now. At the same time, though, she looked at him, and knew it was worth it. As much as it hurt, she doubted she'd have given him up for anything.

"Wow," she murmured, staring at the paper he'd handed her for a long moment before she looked back up at him, managing a weak smile. "That's... pretty cool." Actually, it was more than just pretty cool, but she figured he wouldn't need her to spell that out for him. She wouldn't have been able to say much more about it. The more she found out, the more she wished she could have had the life she'd had here before, and she couldn't think too much about that when the main part of what made her feel that way was standing several feet in front of her.

[jim_halpert]

It was maybe because he knew where she was from back home that it felt important to show her things. He'd never told her, really, how happy he was of her with her art back home. He might've said it plenty of times on the island, but this wasn't the same Pam. He had catching up to do, too - things to make up for even if it wasn't things he'd done.

"Yeah, I was really proud of you," he said, shooting her a small smile before putting it back where it'd been. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable, and she was starting to really look it, so he eased off once he said what he needed to say. If there was one thing he knew wouldn't change, it was that.

[this_is_pam]

It wasn't what he was saying that made her uncomfortable as much as the way it made her feel, in that she knew she shouldn't. Nothing about it was fair -- to him, for her to feel like she could have asked for anything more at all, and to herself to want it when she knew it would never happen. She'd dealt with it before, for a long time, but it'd never been like this. Now that they were alone and discussing something more serious than a prank, it was more difficult to ignore than she'd even expected.

"Thanks," she replied, her voice still low. She swallowed heavily when he turned to put the paper back, then drew in a deep breath, and before she could stop herself, said, "I just wish -"

She managed to cut herself off pretty quickly then, eyes falling closed as she winced. This wasn't making anything easier on either of them and she knew it. If anything, it would only be worse. Sighing, she lowered her head, hands twisting in front of her. "I wish things were different."

[jim_halpert]

The thing was, he had a feeling he knew that wasn't what she meant to say. He'd seen the episode she came from, saw the speech. He knew if he wanted to, he could go up and kiss her right then, and she probably wouldn't push him away. He'd be lying to say he hadn't been wanting to do that more and more lately, especially since Halloween, and it wasn't a thought he could really stop as well as he used to be able to. Another part of him held himself back, though, for fear of it only being because he was trying to replace what he lost, or, even worse, opening up only to have her disappear again