2018 Year in Review: One Year Late
Hello intrepid Livejournal followers! If you stumbled across this entry, congratulations! I wrote an earlier, unpublished draft of this entry at the end of 2018, but it didn’t find it’s way onto the Internet at that time because I felt it needed to be cleaned up and sugar-coated first. I tried not to change it very much because I do feel there is something to be said for authenticity, but I also am cognizant of the fact that whatever is on the Internet is there forever. Mostly, this version just removes some of the personal details and slights. I carried a great deal of resentment with me through 2018 and the early part of 2019, and I am pleased to announce that I have let go of ALL of it, but I’ll save those deets for my review of 2019. Anyway, without further ado, here is my annual review of the year, a year late.
2018 was…better than 2017, although that really wasn’t very hard to achieve. This year, I had a deep exploration into the topic of anger. Did you know that when you are angry, it is because your boundaries have been violated? I had approximately 24 releasing ceremonies (at each new and full moon, and one during the day). I am so over “letting it go.” Now I want to rebuild. I am already working on this.
In many ways, this year could be considered a year of being Rooted, part 2, and I stripped my life down to its bare-bone components. I went on a variety of personal quests, many of which were nostalgic and/or served a healing purpose. I reconciled a lot of my past, including the events of college, which have angered me for a very long time. I resolved to move to California in eight years (or sooner) because it is my dream. I didn’t realize how important it was to me until I cried eight tissues worth of snot about it in the San Diego airport. This year was an exploration of my shadow self. I did and said a lot of ugly things, but I regret very few of them because they were necessary for my personal growth and sovereignty.
1. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?
Sunrise yoga. I was mad at two different people with the same name at the same time. Also, I was mad at the Buddha and my therapist for suggesting that I need to practice radical acceptance and boundaries, even though they were totally right.
2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My New Years resolution for 2018 was “Grow every day,” and my theme was Connection. Ironically, growth required disconnection. I experienced a lot of connection with my inner truth. My theme for 2019 is Brilliant, which essentially means, get out in the world and contribute. My New Year’s resolution is to meet 24 new people (two a month).
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
This was the year of miracle babies. Seriously, without calling you all out, I knew four people who went through some SHIT on their journey to parenthood. There were also a couple of (as far as I know) straight up births, which is always nice.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Eliot’s grandmother died.
5. Did anyone close to you get married?
I went to three weddings this year: Wendy/Javier, Sarah/Rich, Lauren/Mike. Sarah/Rich got married last year, but their wedding reception wasn’t until this year. Michelle/Tim also got married, elopement style <3
6. What countries and/or states did you visit?
California (see aforementioned Wendy/Javier wedding and eight tissues of snot), Tennessee, Kentucky, SWEDEN, New York, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, CANADA (Ontario), Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maine AND I HAVE GEOCACHING STAMPS FROM ALL OF THEM
7. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?
A sense of purpose
8. What date from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
On March 17, I saw Mitski in Louisville, which I chose because a) I have never been to Kentucky, b) I love iconic clubs, c) I love Mitski and didn’t want to see her play five songs opening for Lorde in TD Bank Garden while no one around me gave a fuck, and d) I figured, listen, I’m going to cry this weekend anyway, so might as well put some style into it. Mitski and I spent much of 2017 drowning in a sea of tears in the bathtub together, and I was fully braced to cry, a lot. But I didn’t cry, at all. I was actually quite elated to be reunited with the part of myself that goes on road trips alone and meets strangers and plays Wizard of Oz pinball at iconic music venues and is OKAY. My phone background is a picture I took that day, of Mitski, saddest songwriter ever, smiling, and rising above the bullshit. (In the summer, I also saw Mitski in Rhode Island and basically left a puddle of tears on the floor)
9. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I wrote a book foreword.
10. What was your biggest failure?
Well…I failed to remain friends with someone who was previously very important to me. I don’t know if that’s a failure or a boundary, though. I think I very, very messily exerted a boundary, and I am okay with that.
11. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I broke my toenail while I was a punk rock bat ballerina at camp (insert rock and roll horns)
12. What was the best thing you bought?
We bought some real life adult furniture. Also legal pot.
13. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I just want to say that I affirm the hell out of all the amazing women I met at camp this summer.
14. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Kavanaugh and rape culture at large.
15. Where did most of your money go?
Our car flooded and we had to buy a new one, but really, Enkidu
16. What did you get really, really excited about?
My travels
17. What song will always remind you of 2018?
No Me Importa by In This Moment
18. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
Happier. By leaps and bounds. Fuck that guy.
ii. thinner or fatter?
Basically the same.
iii. richer or poorer?
Richer
19. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Contributing to society
20. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Fighting with people
21. How did you spend Christmas?
At my parents’ house, with Enkidu, who tore all the wrapping paper
22. What did you dress up as for Halloween?
Iris, goddess of the rainbow <3
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Glow
24. Who was the best person you met this year?
EVERYONE AT CAMP
25. What was the best book you read?
The best book was Too Loud Too Slutty Too Fat by Anne Helen Petersen
The worst book was Atlas Shrugged, which really helped me kick off my year of being pissed off at the world. Ayn Rand is full of shit. I already knew that, but I super confirmed it.
26. What were your greatest musical discoveries?
Overcoats
27. What did you want and get?
I got to travel a lot.
28. What did you want and not get?
No comment/I’ve already been redundant enough on the topic and I choose not to give it any more energy.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I guess A Star is Born. It was certainly symbolic, if nothing else.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went Geocaching. I spent over an hour trying to find the Geocache at the Barking Crab. It wasn’t there. I was 37.
31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I think this year turned out exactly the way it was supposed to
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
The path of least resistance. Also. Purple. Glitter. Lipstick.
33. What kept you sane?
My small group of OG Boss Babe Reclamation sisters
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Janelle Monae and Shakey Graves, with an honorable mention to Jimi Hendrix <3
Also, the MVP award goes to Kate Nash #lifeinpink
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Detained children
36. What bands did you see in concert this year?
Mitski (x3), Courtney Barnett (x2), In This Moment (x2), Halestorm (x2), Lana del Rey, Kate Nash, P!nk, Haim, Lizzo, Shakey Graves <3, FIDLAR, Florence and the Machine, Overcoats, Waxahatchee, The Joy Formidable, Pink Talking Fish
I also saw Bad Dates, Dana Goldberg, La Sylphide, Manufacturing Mischief, Jagged Little Pill the musical, The Donkey Show and The Slutcracker, which were all transformative in their own ways
37. What was your favorite moment of the year?
I had a lot of really good moments this year. I am not picking a favorite. I will list them here instead:
a. Driving in my car between Nashville and Louisville, screaming at the top of my lungs to She Hates Me by Puddle of Mudd. Very therapeutic.
b. Going down into Mammoth cave in Kentucky. Coming up out of Mammoth cave in Kentucky. Doing it by myself.
c. Stockholm: Eating continental breakfast with my friends, the two day old moon and seagulls, finding a Freya statue, navigating Stockholm with a dead cell phone, Iris Hankvert, catching a shiny Mareep in the labyrinth.
d. Geocaching with Eliot while my kids were at camp. It brought us to all kinds of local places we never even knew existed.
e. Playing pinball with Tyler.
f. Walking by Niagara Falls at night. Riding the Maid of the Mist.
g. Dancing in a gay club with drag queens and kings and friends who are so much more aligned with me than the original people I met in Grand Rapids.
h. Stratejoy Summer Camp, all of it
i. Eating brunch and having a fall equinox celebration in Maine
j. Pre-Enkidu furniture shopping with Eliot
38. What was your least favorite moment of the year?
“You can’t fuck my boyfriend any more.”
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018.
I learned how to hold space for people, including for myself.
I am the sovereign queen of my beehive, and I must kick out the toxic bees for the health of the rest of my hive.
Practice daily gratitude.
The language of the universe is love. Anything that is not done in love is done in fear.
Anchor yourself in the truth.
40. Quote some song lyrics that sum up your year:
I figured it out! You’re the rat!
I don’t want to be alone forever, but I can be tonight.