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My last relationship ended last August. Since then, I've slowly seen my exes get engaged one by one. As time goes on, I feel less and less like I make an impact on others and start to wonder what the -real- point of me being here is. Once upon a time, I thought my point was to get a good job, go to college and get some high degree, get an even
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I'm not so much jealous of the engagements in an "I want that" way, but more in a "They're obviously better suited for each other than we ever were because we never reached that point" kind of way. It's like the universe is saying, not only were you not meant to be in this place with this girl, but you weren't meant for ANY OF THEM OVER THE LAST TEN YEARS! None of them need you anymore! Take THAT!
And while, in general, still being entirely single does feel like a failure, the series of post-relationship engagements seems more like a series of reminders that while I thought I'd "found myself", I hadn't and was, in fact, so wrong in the self I'd found that giving my heart to a girl means she will soon get engaged to someone else.
They're not dreams so much as requirements. If I'm going to have any value, I need to have enough money, have good job status, have a family, etc. These things are supposed to be DONE by the time a person is 30. That's how society works.
But, as Mandi says, perhaps that's where I'm going wrong. I'm judging myself based on society's barometer of success rather than my own. By my own definition, I'm pretty well off.
The issue here is that part of my calculation was based on who I thought I was meant to be, relative to the rest of the world. The series of engagements etc. shows me that I clearly am not meant to be the person I thought I was....so now I'm just lost and trying to find myself again.
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