Dedicated Friend
As many of you already know, I've lately had a string of first meetings which I thought went fabulously but turned out not so much. (Communication abruptly dropped afterwards or some other similar set of circumstances occurred.) Thinking back, a shining example of this phenomenon (pretty much also the first instance of it) also happens to be a shining example of what "dedication" really means.
We originally met on OKCupid. We had a few conversations in IM (some of whose contents I still remember vividly) and things seemed to be going decently well. At one point during these conversations, she pointed out that when she decides someone is her Friend, she's around for -good-, no matter what happens or for how long. At the time, I found that idea remarkable.
We met in person and, like my meetings recently, I thought everything had gone pretty awesomely. As it turned out, it took me about a month (or more) to convince her to have a second meeting. After that second meeting, I was fairly sure I'd also blown that one and my hopes weren't high for much communication in the future. I remembered her talking about her dedication to friends, but I didn't see why or how that would or should apply to me.
Months went by without a word from either of us.
I posted something on LiveJournal about whatever was going on at the time, and much to my bafflement, she responded. No real conversation came from it, though.
Maybe a year later, I joined Facebook and decided to use its "add buddies from AIM, e-mail, etc." feature, forgetting she was still on my AIM list. Sure enough, it automatically sent her a Friend Request and....she actually confirmed.
Some time last year, I decided to Comment on a Status or two of hers; and despite her response being vaguely positive, still nothing really came of it.
A month or two ago, she was apparently in a letter-writing mood (as one of her LJ posts indicated), so I dared her to write a letter to -me-. She actually did it. The content was pretty "stream of consciousness" about whatever was happening at the moment; but at the end, she suggested I write her and update her on what she might have missed in our years without direct communication.
She actually gave a crap.
She then suggested via Facebook message that we reconnect in IM.
As it turns out, not only was she still lingering around, but she'd been reading all my LJ entries, Status updates...the whole nine yards. She said she'd seen my development and changes over the years and was actually really proud of how far I'd come. She felt we had a lot in common and still considered me a friend, and decently awesome to boot.
And now we're talking on a pretty regular basis like none of the silence ever happened.
I'd never really stopped feeling what connection we'd built in those first couple months; so having her come back and say she'd been keeping up with me like an actual friend would do meant a ton to me.
Over the years, I'd taken her "unconditional friendship" policy into account and started applying it. There was a time when I was going back through my old friendships and reconnecting with everyone I felt I wanted to make that kind of commitment with. I reestablished contact with a few people I hadn't talked to in years, let a few people know that I cared who might not have known, made a few commitments to current friends, and even reached out to family I hadn't connected with in years. The very idea of her philosophy moved me to be a better person, and her occasional LJ responses showed me that she might still be watching over me, living out her philosophy.
Reconnecting through IM showed me that she really had been watching me like that, just the way I'd continued watching her all that time. She moved me once just by letting me know that kind of friend could exist; then she moved me again by being a living example.
So Ashley: Thank you for helping change my life.
We originally met on OKCupid. We had a few conversations in IM (some of whose contents I still remember vividly) and things seemed to be going decently well. At one point during these conversations, she pointed out that when she decides someone is her Friend, she's around for -good-, no matter what happens or for how long. At the time, I found that idea remarkable.
We met in person and, like my meetings recently, I thought everything had gone pretty awesomely. As it turned out, it took me about a month (or more) to convince her to have a second meeting. After that second meeting, I was fairly sure I'd also blown that one and my hopes weren't high for much communication in the future. I remembered her talking about her dedication to friends, but I didn't see why or how that would or should apply to me.
Months went by without a word from either of us.
I posted something on LiveJournal about whatever was going on at the time, and much to my bafflement, she responded. No real conversation came from it, though.
Maybe a year later, I joined Facebook and decided to use its "add buddies from AIM, e-mail, etc." feature, forgetting she was still on my AIM list. Sure enough, it automatically sent her a Friend Request and....she actually confirmed.
Some time last year, I decided to Comment on a Status or two of hers; and despite her response being vaguely positive, still nothing really came of it.
A month or two ago, she was apparently in a letter-writing mood (as one of her LJ posts indicated), so I dared her to write a letter to -me-. She actually did it. The content was pretty "stream of consciousness" about whatever was happening at the moment; but at the end, she suggested I write her and update her on what she might have missed in our years without direct communication.
She actually gave a crap.
She then suggested via Facebook message that we reconnect in IM.
As it turns out, not only was she still lingering around, but she'd been reading all my LJ entries, Status updates...the whole nine yards. She said she'd seen my development and changes over the years and was actually really proud of how far I'd come. She felt we had a lot in common and still considered me a friend, and decently awesome to boot.
And now we're talking on a pretty regular basis like none of the silence ever happened.
I'd never really stopped feeling what connection we'd built in those first couple months; so having her come back and say she'd been keeping up with me like an actual friend would do meant a ton to me.
Over the years, I'd taken her "unconditional friendship" policy into account and started applying it. There was a time when I was going back through my old friendships and reconnecting with everyone I felt I wanted to make that kind of commitment with. I reestablished contact with a few people I hadn't talked to in years, let a few people know that I cared who might not have known, made a few commitments to current friends, and even reached out to family I hadn't connected with in years. The very idea of her philosophy moved me to be a better person, and her occasional LJ responses showed me that she might still be watching over me, living out her philosophy.
Reconnecting through IM showed me that she really had been watching me like that, just the way I'd continued watching her all that time. She moved me once just by letting me know that kind of friend could exist; then she moved me again by being a living example.
So Ashley: Thank you for helping change my life.