(no subject)
Why do my passions always end up making me feel so isolated?
or
Why do I always end up with such obscure things to be passionate about?
My current obsession is the Metroid Metal album, Varia Suite. If I were to hang out with Samantha with it, we could geek out over it together a little because she loves MM, but it would be short-lived because she tends not to obsess over my things quite like I do. Robert would probably enjoy it but seems on the "It's just metal versions of video game music" bandwagon. Jessica's not into metal, Bill wouldn't allow himself to like it because it was originally from a video game, Travis generally doesn't seem all that impressed by MM, etc. etc. When I get this passionate about something (like The Beatles in September, Castlevania 64 in October, etc.), I really want to bond with someone, to know someone else feels the same as I do; but I always end up getting like this over things that none or few of my friends can relate to. It generally starts with being excited and passionate about something without much other feeling coming with it (like the first time I heard Varia Suite a few nights ago), then evolves into wanting to share the thing, then into wondering who else might be affected the same way by it (and thus, would be a prime candidate for sharing), then into continued passion but with a sort of "How could someone else NOT be affected this way?", then into a sort of alienation/isolation when I realize that really no, no one else would, it's just me, then it becomes almost a guilty pleasure, and finally it becomes something else I love but am incredibly self-conscious about admitting and tend to keep hidden. I'm incredibly tired of this pattern and of listening to my new passions through the lens of "You will never be able to experience this feeling with anyone else." I'm tired of being made to feel completely alien by doing what makes me feel good in a moment.
or
Why do I always end up with such obscure things to be passionate about?
My current obsession is the Metroid Metal album, Varia Suite. If I were to hang out with Samantha with it, we could geek out over it together a little because she loves MM, but it would be short-lived because she tends not to obsess over my things quite like I do. Robert would probably enjoy it but seems on the "It's just metal versions of video game music" bandwagon. Jessica's not into metal, Bill wouldn't allow himself to like it because it was originally from a video game, Travis generally doesn't seem all that impressed by MM, etc. etc. When I get this passionate about something (like The Beatles in September, Castlevania 64 in October, etc.), I really want to bond with someone, to know someone else feels the same as I do; but I always end up getting like this over things that none or few of my friends can relate to. It generally starts with being excited and passionate about something without much other feeling coming with it (like the first time I heard Varia Suite a few nights ago), then evolves into wanting to share the thing, then into wondering who else might be affected the same way by it (and thus, would be a prime candidate for sharing), then into continued passion but with a sort of "How could someone else NOT be affected this way?", then into a sort of alienation/isolation when I realize that really no, no one else would, it's just me, then it becomes almost a guilty pleasure, and finally it becomes something else I love but am incredibly self-conscious about admitting and tend to keep hidden. I'm incredibly tired of this pattern and of listening to my new passions through the lens of "You will never be able to experience this feeling with anyone else." I'm tired of being made to feel completely alien by doing what makes me feel good in a moment.