relationship realizations
These are random things that relationships have taught me, or unresolved issues or feelings left over from relationships, or general pent-up feelings I'd like to get out. Some are girlfriends, some are friends, some are just people I've known. Take them as you will and attribute them to whomever you choose. But please don't read them as me being self-defeating and beating myself up, because that's not where they're coming from and they're not written in that spirit. If you read any of these and feel it's about you, feel free to comment here or address me directly via whatever medium we usually use.
Note: Despite some of them being really similar, each paragraph is an entirely different idea and no two are meant to be read as a unit.
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I once thought that with full, direct communication, patience, faith in one another, deep understanding and compassion, and enough devotion, any relationship obstacle could be overcome. I used to think these were the things that made a good relationship. This breakup has shown me that's obviously not true. Something more is necessary, but I certainly don't know what it is and obviously lack it.
I've learned that: Trust is more than believing what someone says. It's more than believing someone is feeling something genuinely. It's more than believing someone won't hurt you. It's even more than putting your faith in someone. Sometimes it's the belief that nothing you ever say or do will weaken someone's devotion to you. Sometimes it's the freedom that comes with knowing you're being seen in full and not being judged any step of the way. And every once in a while, it's knowing all these things so strongly that you can even apply them to yourself.
You taught me what love really means. You taught me that love isn't always something one feels; sometimes it's just stubborn devotion. You taught me that love goes far deeper than romance or a "relationship" and can exist unchanged even after the romance can no longer work and has ended. You taught me that love never dies.
I was hurt by what happened. Of course I was. But I knew you didn't do it out of disinterest in me or lack of concern for my feelings. I knew all that at the time as well, but the hurt changed us in ways we couldn't take back or resolve. The experience showed me what that kind of situation can mean for a relationship's future regardless of how much two people might genuinely love each other. While I still sometimes wish it hadn't happened if only for the relationship's sake, I thank you for the experience making me stronger and a little wiser.
I knew she was wrong for me from the word "go". I knew we wouldn't last. I'm still not entirely sure how much of what she said should be trusted. But I think that if we were ever to get back together, I'd fall hard in love all over again. Even as unsure as I've been at times that my love for her was real, the fact I still love her has to mean something.
Our weekend together was magical. I've claimed quite a few things as "once in a lifetime", but our weekend still stands unmatched by anything else. I will never forget you or the people we were those days. It was one of the best moments of my life.
I always wanted to be your friend, but I never knew how. I liked you from a distance, but was always too afraid to get close. I still am. Driving by a particular spot always reminds me of you, even so many years after we had anything to do with each other; and it just makes me wish I could bring myself to reach out.
I wish I knew how to open up to you more. I wish I knew what to do or say to make myself feel like you're seeing the real me, the whole me. I feel like I'm seeing a lot more of you than what you give other people, I just can't seem to do the same in return. I wish I could have more trust in you with that depth of myself. I want you to know me.
You showed me that I don't have to be afraid to open up with my emotions or myself. You were a fantastic friend for me at a time when I didn't feel I had many and I'll never forget you for that. What we had still has value for me, even now.
I can't think of any others at the moment, but I have a strange feeling I will later.
Also, this took an AWFULLY long time to write relative to how few things are in it.
Note: Despite some of them being really similar, each paragraph is an entirely different idea and no two are meant to be read as a unit.
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I once thought that with full, direct communication, patience, faith in one another, deep understanding and compassion, and enough devotion, any relationship obstacle could be overcome. I used to think these were the things that made a good relationship. This breakup has shown me that's obviously not true. Something more is necessary, but I certainly don't know what it is and obviously lack it.
I've learned that: Trust is more than believing what someone says. It's more than believing someone is feeling something genuinely. It's more than believing someone won't hurt you. It's even more than putting your faith in someone. Sometimes it's the belief that nothing you ever say or do will weaken someone's devotion to you. Sometimes it's the freedom that comes with knowing you're being seen in full and not being judged any step of the way. And every once in a while, it's knowing all these things so strongly that you can even apply them to yourself.
You taught me what love really means. You taught me that love isn't always something one feels; sometimes it's just stubborn devotion. You taught me that love goes far deeper than romance or a "relationship" and can exist unchanged even after the romance can no longer work and has ended. You taught me that love never dies.
I was hurt by what happened. Of course I was. But I knew you didn't do it out of disinterest in me or lack of concern for my feelings. I knew all that at the time as well, but the hurt changed us in ways we couldn't take back or resolve. The experience showed me what that kind of situation can mean for a relationship's future regardless of how much two people might genuinely love each other. While I still sometimes wish it hadn't happened if only for the relationship's sake, I thank you for the experience making me stronger and a little wiser.
I knew she was wrong for me from the word "go". I knew we wouldn't last. I'm still not entirely sure how much of what she said should be trusted. But I think that if we were ever to get back together, I'd fall hard in love all over again. Even as unsure as I've been at times that my love for her was real, the fact I still love her has to mean something.
Our weekend together was magical. I've claimed quite a few things as "once in a lifetime", but our weekend still stands unmatched by anything else. I will never forget you or the people we were those days. It was one of the best moments of my life.
I always wanted to be your friend, but I never knew how. I liked you from a distance, but was always too afraid to get close. I still am. Driving by a particular spot always reminds me of you, even so many years after we had anything to do with each other; and it just makes me wish I could bring myself to reach out.
I wish I knew how to open up to you more. I wish I knew what to do or say to make myself feel like you're seeing the real me, the whole me. I feel like I'm seeing a lot more of you than what you give other people, I just can't seem to do the same in return. I wish I could have more trust in you with that depth of myself. I want you to know me.
You showed me that I don't have to be afraid to open up with my emotions or myself. You were a fantastic friend for me at a time when I didn't feel I had many and I'll never forget you for that. What we had still has value for me, even now.
I can't think of any others at the moment, but I have a strange feeling I will later.
Also, this took an AWFULLY long time to write relative to how few things are in it.