what happens next? dare you to move...

[jillyo]

I am in the shittiest mood today. First off, I was all set to stay up to watch SNL last night, and I was very disappointed when it came on, cuz it was the one that Justin Timberlake hosted. Don't get me wrong--i love that one, it's hysterical-but i have it on tape and i've seen it a million times. So anyways, I was studying for SATs at the same time, and i finally decided to go to bed at 12. I was all excited that i'd get to sleep in, cuz i haven't slept in forever cuz of work. But no, my neighbors decide to have a yard sale today and since my room's in the front of the house, i can hear all the loud people, so i wake up at 7:45...ON A SUNDAY!!!!! Have some common courtesy people! so i was just laying there trying to fall back asleep, but then these other people kept going up and down the street on a wicked loud quad thing, so i finally got out of bed at like 8:30. Needless to say, i'm really tired now. So then i was online reading everyone else's livejournal, and getting the feeling that people were talking about me in a kind of round about way. SO i asked diana what was up and she told me. and now i basically feel like an idiot that screwed everything up relating to a certain subject. and it pisses me off, cuz most of what happened wasn't even my fault. everyone else contributed too, but i'm still placing the blame on myself. So that made me feel like crap, so i decided to go upstairs and fill out some applications. bad idea. i came downstairs crying hysterically a little while later cuz i don't want to go to college. i don't want to say goodbye to my friends, and i don't want to make new friends...i like the ones i have now. and i can't help thinking that if i wasn't going away in a year, i might actually have a relationship. i don't want to graduate and i don't want to get thrust into the real world. i want to run away to neverneverland and help raise the lost boys. and i'm dead serious. i really don't want to grow up. i hate time and i hate change. and i know it's not just me that's going through all this shit, but seriously...why couldn't i be two years older or two years younger...if that was the case, i'd be all set with all my "relationship issues" cuz i wouldn't have them. so what if i'm gonna graduate...there's no time like the present, and to me, it's seems really retartded not to start something because of what's gonna happen a year from now, cuz a lot can happen in a relationship over the course of a year. and to top off the sucky day i've been having, i hafta work tonight.
Seriously, answer this question for me: what's wrong with me? why do i feel like shit and why doesn't anyone care about me the way that i care about everyone else? i'm sure people do, but i'm just not feeling like that's true right now. What i really need to do is finish my applications and send them all in and then not worry about them. whatever happens happens, right? then i can move on with my life and just start living up my senior year and having fun...anyways, i want you all to seriously answer those questions above me, cuz i want some second opinions on some things.