(no subject)

[jilly_ma_bean]

So my grandmother (dads mom) is in the hospital and i guess as I’m typing this her organs are failing her. The doctors don’t give her much time left, mom told me that the bank gives me 3 days compassion leave and ill I keep thinking is, I cant take time off month end is next week. It’s weird this will be the second time ever I’ve had to deal with death, last time was in grade 8 and I hardly remember it, I’m not sure how to feel. On a really freaky note I was feeling down about not feeling upset over my grandmother and Cory called me, which was nice. I know everyone deals with death differently but I think I should feel something, I think I feel more upset for what my dad is going through then losing my grandmother, we aren’t that close but still she is my grandmother right? I’m conflicted, Cory comes home in less then a week so I’m happy but I know I should feel sad about my Grammy. You know its weird I don’t have many memories of her I’m sure if I thought really hard I would but I have more memories of being at her house then actually memories of her, one really strong one though is her letting me put the baby Jesus in the manger on Christmas eve, I was 8 or 9 and before I was to afraid I would drop it and so was my mom and I wanted to do it so much, I remember Grammy handing it to me.
I’m sorry this is so disjointed and all over the place, I’m just typing as I think, I think im going to go to bed now.