(no subject)
so i've gotten rejected and then sat immobile at work for what seemed like an eternity and i can't even get on line to check my email without having a tape measured stomach flash in my face. My my, leave me alone and just go away. If need be, then i will find some way to figure out how to lose my own weight without the "help", or really, the needless flashing of common sense that any individual alive with an IQ of at least 70 should know. Trust me, i do not need an ad to tell me how to drop some lb's (ell bees, is how that should read. do me a favor and forget the accustomed abbreviation for pounds and pronounce the letters in your mind as you read. it is way more amusing that way).
i feel like i must leave the house just to feel my own sadness. I'll be damned if you all don't know why i'm upset; yet, it seems like some mistaken surprise every time you see my drawn face. So i've just been less than animated and less talkative than "normal." in all honesty, maybe i just have no interest in your happiness at the moment. Maybe i am more interested in the fucking confusion and disappointment of it all; especially when so many others felt that my situation would definitely not go the way it did. So it goes. let's just get this shit on the road.
also, just let me have this cigarette without giving me hell. I'll give you hell the next time you eat a cookie or a fried potato chip if you harass me one more time. I decided i won't buy unless i have exactly enough money in change. That means i have to use cash and gather change in order to buy cigs. that means no debit card. That means a long time between buys and i think that is sufficient. i think that is fucking alright. i've lasted three days without freaking out over a cigarette and i think i want to enjoy some with coffee, then that's fine with me for right now. I really will not buy them with that godforsaken, soul-sucking, money wretch of a plastic card.
it's not the rejection that has bothered me. It's the reaction. ok, i got rejected. that sucks, to say the least. i can get over rejection; i'm confident enough in myself to not get too bent out of shape about it. Think, would i have had the guts to tell it like it is without knowing the negative outcome was a possibility? No- what has bothered me is your obvious discomfort in even sitting beside me after i spilled my guts. I barely had time to finish my statement before you got up and left. Ironic, considering i also voiced that my biggest fear was not the rejection itself, but what you did; get up and leave me sitting on that porch with my god damn heart on my sleeve and offering me nothing but an unmistakable goodbye. Actually, there was not a goodbye. Just a flee. Damn you.
just a side note, i feel like the water has been running upstairs for a really long time. I feel like it was forgotten.
so, i will tell you like it is, again. I will not be scathing. i will not be sarcastic. I will cut the shit once again and i will be sincere. It's the least i can do and what the hell does it matter at this point? what's the worst that could happen? Awkwardness? Well, that's already occurred and i would rather make one last attempt at relieving that in the best way i know how. So, i will tell you. I will sympathize and tell you i've been in your situation before and yet i am friends with those i have rejected. Every. Single. One of them. Why should this be any different? Throw me a bone, cut me some slack, give me a break and all other related idioms. I am the one who had their feelings hurt. You are the one who just got "flattered."
i feel like i must leave the house just to feel my own sadness. I'll be damned if you all don't know why i'm upset; yet, it seems like some mistaken surprise every time you see my drawn face. So i've just been less than animated and less talkative than "normal." in all honesty, maybe i just have no interest in your happiness at the moment. Maybe i am more interested in the fucking confusion and disappointment of it all; especially when so many others felt that my situation would definitely not go the way it did. So it goes. let's just get this shit on the road.
also, just let me have this cigarette without giving me hell. I'll give you hell the next time you eat a cookie or a fried potato chip if you harass me one more time. I decided i won't buy unless i have exactly enough money in change. That means i have to use cash and gather change in order to buy cigs. that means no debit card. That means a long time between buys and i think that is sufficient. i think that is fucking alright. i've lasted three days without freaking out over a cigarette and i think i want to enjoy some with coffee, then that's fine with me for right now. I really will not buy them with that godforsaken, soul-sucking, money wretch of a plastic card.
it's not the rejection that has bothered me. It's the reaction. ok, i got rejected. that sucks, to say the least. i can get over rejection; i'm confident enough in myself to not get too bent out of shape about it. Think, would i have had the guts to tell it like it is without knowing the negative outcome was a possibility? No- what has bothered me is your obvious discomfort in even sitting beside me after i spilled my guts. I barely had time to finish my statement before you got up and left. Ironic, considering i also voiced that my biggest fear was not the rejection itself, but what you did; get up and leave me sitting on that porch with my god damn heart on my sleeve and offering me nothing but an unmistakable goodbye. Actually, there was not a goodbye. Just a flee. Damn you.
just a side note, i feel like the water has been running upstairs for a really long time. I feel like it was forgotten.
so, i will tell you like it is, again. I will not be scathing. i will not be sarcastic. I will cut the shit once again and i will be sincere. It's the least i can do and what the hell does it matter at this point? what's the worst that could happen? Awkwardness? Well, that's already occurred and i would rather make one last attempt at relieving that in the best way i know how. So, i will tell you. I will sympathize and tell you i've been in your situation before and yet i am friends with those i have rejected. Every. Single. One of them. Why should this be any different? Throw me a bone, cut me some slack, give me a break and all other related idioms. I am the one who had their feelings hurt. You are the one who just got "flattered."