letting it out until i feel better.
i'm in a mood for... what follows haha. i'm warning you now, its a lengthy discussion on how much i hate goodbyes.
i've met some really wonderful people in the last few years, great people even, people i could rant to for hours and hours. but in my fourth year, the group of people i really love and really understand gets smaller and smaller. the closest ones move away and you hang onto that notion that you'll be together again, because any other future is just to hard to imagine. but then there are the ones that you make at school, the ones like people in the english program, people i always see when i go out, the crew of locals at an after party that just sit around with guitars and drums singing, smoking pot and sharing whats left of everyones liquor... the people from school that are great but you always feel like you don't see often enough, but you never had the chance to build that really close relationship.
i've got a million of these people that i just can't seem to fit in. my best friends, they know who they are, we've all gotten cemented together somehow. i know we'll always find miraculous ways to be near each other, because we crave that person who really understands. on a side note, i'm getting my "halifax best friends" fill on the 7th with some very special ladies, and it won't come soon enough (fun fun fun fun fun fun FUN FUN FUN). but it seems to be difficult enough to fit in even those soul-mate best friends.
i'm not really sure why i'm complaining, i'm incredibly fortunate just in that i have these people. i think i'm just coming to notice that there are people i've gotten close to and for whatever reason, i've completely stopped communicating with them. there are people who were near and dear to me that since i've stopped seeing them around so much... former co-workers, random friends, people that i used to hang out with all the time that graduated and i havent talked to them since. i think i just know that i've been here for four years, and through summers and jobs within the community, i've really gotten to like this place. yes, believe me, i need out, badly, nova scotia is a cage. i just know that there are a lot of people i'll never meet again, and i'll only remain close with a select few.
and korea... thats a BIG good-bye with no coming back for a year, no matter what. i'm so determined to be able to go that i really have no idea what it would take to make me quit. something huge. i'm sure i'll just continue my life-trend and get majorly attatched to seoul and the people there. bigger deal though, because i've got some really old people here that might die while i'm over there... its something i need to face, because i won't be able to come home and grieve with my family. i know i can't wait around though... korea is my next step.
i'm like a dirty four year old and korea will be my bathtub. i need a bath, and i know it. but i'll cry when i'm forced to get in, but i'll have so much fun splashing around that i won't want to get out.
i guess the point i'm trying to make is i want everyone i like to be around me all the time.
thats mature haha.
just hate goodbyes... and between graduation and moving to korea theres going to be a buttload of them soon. the easiest thing to do is to not think about it until i absolutely have to, theres no point in driving myself crazy, one thing at a time and all that. well i think i feel better now.
good rant. good stuff. load off. back to happy jill.