I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real.

[jilliefour]

Before I go to sleep everynight I pray and try to think about my day. The second I close my eyes I can never remember what day it is. I can never get past the beginning. But I like it because someone told me what I do is a skill. For a second, I was happy because that meant I was good at something. So tonight, before I go to sleep I can smile for once. And maybe when I close my eyes it will last forever because I would kill to feel like that all the time....at least i'd have a reason to feel completely lost, broken, and stupid.

step one.
i'm full of excuses