Going Home
Today is the day... I head home!
At least, what I consider home and that would be my island.
My happy place, my comfort, my calm and steady. I can't wait to have my feet in the sand, and salt in my hair.
AH! CANT WAIT!
This week has been really fricking difficult.
Between work stress, and emotional stress, it just has been a lot.
Got a lot of interesting... advice? I guess you could call it that.
It's funny, I dont want advice, honestly.
I keep hearing "You are such a great person, you will meet someone" "Someone amazing will come into your life"... blah blah blah... Thanks guys, but can you produce?!
Haha where is this wonderful person?
Feel free to flash my picture around and ask.
Today, I'm ok. Today, I am hopeful. Today, I get to go home. I get to escape and be present all at the same time.
Yesterday sucked more than the whole week did.
I was supposed to meet with the lawyer to firm things up with this closing this chapter. Because I am an emotional person, I was pretty bent out of shape the whole day. Super anxious, super on edge, just awful. Well, it got canceled last minute, which threw me in a tale spin. Apparently, I'm a little too Type A on some days :/ Then Mom gets a little too involved and blech.
How can your number one supporter, supposedly, tell you really weird things? Like that you should just go back to the one that treated you like crap and cheated on you? Who does that?
I'm sorry, I dont want to put up with it.
Heres the thing, I dated a guy for 8 years... 8 freaking years, we got engaged, had some rough times, got married, had even more difficult times, including him cheating. We tried working it out, and thought things were good,.... but he was still cheating. We would fight, he would be irrational. He would punch things, hit things, and turn little things into bigger things. He lied so much, that it was getting more difficult to find any truth in what he was saying. Then he told me he "needed to find himself".... and by that, he meant talk to some other broad... He pushed me away, I gave him the space that he claimed he needed. To find out, that he was seeing this broad on the regular. Talking all day everyday... So tell me, what kind of marriage is that?
Certainly not one, that I feel I deserve. I tried my hardest. We went to counseling. I went to counseling, thinking it was my fault. He went to counseling or so he said... Who knows! He told the chick that the divorce was the process of being over and he was living with his Dad, when he was very much still coming to "our" house.
Not something I want to deal with for the rest of my life... Sorry!
Yes, I consider myself a pretty decent person. I care about a lot of things, and a lot of people. I have a wicked good memory. I like making people feel special and important. I like to celebrate. I like to have fun and adventure. Yeah, I'm pretty damn worth it. Not to mention, I have a lot of good values and I'm a top notch baker and cook. I deserved better than that. So... Mom... why would I go back to that? To the guy that didn't appreciate my cooking or baking. To the guy that ran out all the time. To the guy that didn't like his birthday, my birthday, or any holiday? Hmmmm NO THANKS!
Here is my lesson of the day... Sometimes the heart and the head really conflict. They dont listen to each other and they rarely make sense.
No one can make decisions for you, you have to make them for yourself.
I've made my decision, I stand by my decision, I know I'm making the right decision. However, that doesn't make any of it easy. It still hurts. It still is hard.
I have good days, and I have bad days...
I know what I'm doing is right, but that doesn't make it easier.
You can self talk all you want, have your mantra that gets you through the day, do whatever you have to do, to just GET THROUGH THE DAY.
Sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes it doesn't help.
It certainly doesn't make the hurt go away or disappear.
There are days, I feel no pain, I am happy as can be and hopeful.
There are days, where the wind blows and it feels like swords are stabbing me. I'm more referencing the emotional sensitivity, in case you weren't picking up on that.
Divorce... is a grieving process.
The life that you thought you would have, the times and memories you thought you were creating, just disappear. I grieve every day.
Some days I grieve really heavy, and some I dont.
I'm proud to say that my grieving days, are starting to decline, but they aren't completely gone.
Yesterday was a grieving day. I cried, a lot.
I'm a crier, I love hard, I feel hard. It's just ME.
I can cry at the drop of a hat, or I can walk away and it hits me days later.
Today, I am happy. I am hopeful. Hopeful that peace is starting to come to me. Calmness is starting to trickle through me. Relief... is coming.
It's all coming because I'm going to the beach!
BEACH!!!!!
Sun.
Sweat.
Yoga.
Swim.
Salt.
Yeah!
I can't wait, to barely wear any clothes. I can't wait to just DO WHAT I WANT for 6 straight days!
I can't wait to yoga flow my brains out.
I can't wait to READ BOOKS!
I can't wait to be in the sun for as long as I possibly can!
I'm going home... I couldn't be more thrilled.
At least, what I consider home and that would be my island.
My happy place, my comfort, my calm and steady. I can't wait to have my feet in the sand, and salt in my hair.
AH! CANT WAIT!
This week has been really fricking difficult.
Between work stress, and emotional stress, it just has been a lot.
Got a lot of interesting... advice? I guess you could call it that.
It's funny, I dont want advice, honestly.
I keep hearing "You are such a great person, you will meet someone" "Someone amazing will come into your life"... blah blah blah... Thanks guys, but can you produce?!
Haha where is this wonderful person?
Feel free to flash my picture around and ask.
Today, I'm ok. Today, I am hopeful. Today, I get to go home. I get to escape and be present all at the same time.
Yesterday sucked more than the whole week did.
I was supposed to meet with the lawyer to firm things up with this closing this chapter. Because I am an emotional person, I was pretty bent out of shape the whole day. Super anxious, super on edge, just awful. Well, it got canceled last minute, which threw me in a tale spin. Apparently, I'm a little too Type A on some days :/ Then Mom gets a little too involved and blech.
How can your number one supporter, supposedly, tell you really weird things? Like that you should just go back to the one that treated you like crap and cheated on you? Who does that?
I'm sorry, I dont want to put up with it.
Heres the thing, I dated a guy for 8 years... 8 freaking years, we got engaged, had some rough times, got married, had even more difficult times, including him cheating. We tried working it out, and thought things were good,.... but he was still cheating. We would fight, he would be irrational. He would punch things, hit things, and turn little things into bigger things. He lied so much, that it was getting more difficult to find any truth in what he was saying. Then he told me he "needed to find himself".... and by that, he meant talk to some other broad... He pushed me away, I gave him the space that he claimed he needed. To find out, that he was seeing this broad on the regular. Talking all day everyday... So tell me, what kind of marriage is that?
Certainly not one, that I feel I deserve. I tried my hardest. We went to counseling. I went to counseling, thinking it was my fault. He went to counseling or so he said... Who knows! He told the chick that the divorce was the process of being over and he was living with his Dad, when he was very much still coming to "our" house.
Not something I want to deal with for the rest of my life... Sorry!
Yes, I consider myself a pretty decent person. I care about a lot of things, and a lot of people. I have a wicked good memory. I like making people feel special and important. I like to celebrate. I like to have fun and adventure. Yeah, I'm pretty damn worth it. Not to mention, I have a lot of good values and I'm a top notch baker and cook. I deserved better than that. So... Mom... why would I go back to that? To the guy that didn't appreciate my cooking or baking. To the guy that ran out all the time. To the guy that didn't like his birthday, my birthday, or any holiday? Hmmmm NO THANKS!
Here is my lesson of the day... Sometimes the heart and the head really conflict. They dont listen to each other and they rarely make sense.
No one can make decisions for you, you have to make them for yourself.
I've made my decision, I stand by my decision, I know I'm making the right decision. However, that doesn't make any of it easy. It still hurts. It still is hard.
I have good days, and I have bad days...
I know what I'm doing is right, but that doesn't make it easier.
You can self talk all you want, have your mantra that gets you through the day, do whatever you have to do, to just GET THROUGH THE DAY.
Sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes it doesn't help.
It certainly doesn't make the hurt go away or disappear.
There are days, I feel no pain, I am happy as can be and hopeful.
There are days, where the wind blows and it feels like swords are stabbing me. I'm more referencing the emotional sensitivity, in case you weren't picking up on that.
Divorce... is a grieving process.
The life that you thought you would have, the times and memories you thought you were creating, just disappear. I grieve every day.
Some days I grieve really heavy, and some I dont.
I'm proud to say that my grieving days, are starting to decline, but they aren't completely gone.
Yesterday was a grieving day. I cried, a lot.
I'm a crier, I love hard, I feel hard. It's just ME.
I can cry at the drop of a hat, or I can walk away and it hits me days later.
Today, I am happy. I am hopeful. Hopeful that peace is starting to come to me. Calmness is starting to trickle through me. Relief... is coming.
It's all coming because I'm going to the beach!
BEACH!!!!!
Sun.
Sweat.
Yoga.
Swim.
Salt.
Yeah!
I can't wait, to barely wear any clothes. I can't wait to just DO WHAT I WANT for 6 straight days!
I can't wait to yoga flow my brains out.
I can't wait to READ BOOKS!
I can't wait to be in the sun for as long as I possibly can!
I'm going home... I couldn't be more thrilled.