I lost everything to nothing
I fucked up.
I caused myself to lose the only thing I knew was real.
I lost my best friend and my heart all at the same time.
What do you do when you know you caused pain to the person you care about most?
The person you love more than anything and would do anything for?
Im not looking for sympathy from this.
Cause its all on me.
It was my mistake
My FUCKING mistake
That made it this way.
But everyone makes mistakes.
I could sit here and act like im going to be okay and that I can "hold my head up high" and "hold the tears back"
But it would all be a lie.
Im not okay.
I wont be.
Second chances are everything.
A chance to show how sorry you are with not only words that cant be trusted
But actions
A chance to prove how much it meant to you to make it up and bring back the same feelings that were there before.
I would do anything and everything
And I intend to.
I had it all
I had it MADE
And I guess it really is true that you dont really know what you have unitl you lose it
Until it cant be called "yours"
I never have serious relationships
Whoever knows me, knows that.
I dont trust alot of people and im not the type of person that shares her feelings with anyone.
Theres only one person that I told everything to
And thats special
For me anyway.
And now im here
Left with nothing
Cause of my own actions.
I caused my own pain and his all at the same time.
Im not the "whore" im being made out to be.
He knows that
And I know that
People, know that.
But when anger takes over things are said that arent intended.
No one will ever understand that until they have something like that.
No one will ever understand the situation, because no one knew what was behind it all
I didnt care about the old "reputation"
I was well aware of it, but it didnt matter
I blocked out the past to start something that I thought would be good.
And it was
It still would be.
Now im just asking for my past to be forgotten
For my chance to show that people really can change and be trusted
A perfect example for that is you.
What I did was wrong
It will always be wrong.
With anyone and everyone.
But understand that I care so unbelievably much that I want to give it another shot at what we had.
Age means nothing.
I now know that.
Me being older or him being younger wouldnt alter anything.
Its the feelings you get when your with that person
And away from them.
Its how you can look at the bad things in life, then look at the person and realize you will be okay if that person is beside you.
Thats how I felt
As long as I had him everything in my life would turn out okay.
Trust can be gained back.
Its all a matter of time
Time to think and time to judge
Time to look at everything around you and realize what makes you happy.
What you need and what you dont
How you want to live and what you want your future to be like.
Things like this change everything
Your perspective on everything.
What was shared between him and I will only be understood by him and I
No one else can judge it
Because no one else knew
All I know now is that the last 6 months of my life were him
So much of me is him.
I wait for anything that I want and thats what i'll do.
No matter how long it takes
You could think this is all retarded
And honestly...I couldnt blame you
You just wouldnt understand
I had the greatest guy in the world
People knew I was happy
I knew I was happy
I felt it everytime I looked at him.
So now say what you want to
But please dont make it negative cause honestly I dont think I can take anymore.
Im broken
And I will be until I get my heart back.
I caused myself to lose the only thing I knew was real.
I lost my best friend and my heart all at the same time.
What do you do when you know you caused pain to the person you care about most?
The person you love more than anything and would do anything for?
Im not looking for sympathy from this.
Cause its all on me.
It was my mistake
My FUCKING mistake
That made it this way.
But everyone makes mistakes.
I could sit here and act like im going to be okay and that I can "hold my head up high" and "hold the tears back"
But it would all be a lie.
Im not okay.
I wont be.
Second chances are everything.
A chance to show how sorry you are with not only words that cant be trusted
But actions
A chance to prove how much it meant to you to make it up and bring back the same feelings that were there before.
I would do anything and everything
And I intend to.
I had it all
I had it MADE
And I guess it really is true that you dont really know what you have unitl you lose it
Until it cant be called "yours"
I never have serious relationships
Whoever knows me, knows that.
I dont trust alot of people and im not the type of person that shares her feelings with anyone.
Theres only one person that I told everything to
And thats special
For me anyway.
And now im here
Left with nothing
Cause of my own actions.
I caused my own pain and his all at the same time.
Im not the "whore" im being made out to be.
He knows that
And I know that
People, know that.
But when anger takes over things are said that arent intended.
No one will ever understand that until they have something like that.
No one will ever understand the situation, because no one knew what was behind it all
I didnt care about the old "reputation"
I was well aware of it, but it didnt matter
I blocked out the past to start something that I thought would be good.
And it was
It still would be.
Now im just asking for my past to be forgotten
For my chance to show that people really can change and be trusted
A perfect example for that is you.
What I did was wrong
It will always be wrong.
With anyone and everyone.
But understand that I care so unbelievably much that I want to give it another shot at what we had.
Age means nothing.
I now know that.
Me being older or him being younger wouldnt alter anything.
Its the feelings you get when your with that person
And away from them.
Its how you can look at the bad things in life, then look at the person and realize you will be okay if that person is beside you.
Thats how I felt
As long as I had him everything in my life would turn out okay.
Trust can be gained back.
Its all a matter of time
Time to think and time to judge
Time to look at everything around you and realize what makes you happy.
What you need and what you dont
How you want to live and what you want your future to be like.
Things like this change everything
Your perspective on everything.
What was shared between him and I will only be understood by him and I
No one else can judge it
Because no one else knew
All I know now is that the last 6 months of my life were him
So much of me is him.
I wait for anything that I want and thats what i'll do.
No matter how long it takes
You could think this is all retarded
And honestly...I couldnt blame you
You just wouldnt understand
I had the greatest guy in the world
People knew I was happy
I knew I was happy
I felt it everytime I looked at him.
So now say what you want to
But please dont make it negative cause honestly I dont think I can take anymore.
Im broken
And I will be until I get my heart back.