should i speak?
i realized today....so i spoke up. i shouldnt have....or should i have? thats just the way it is, and nothing can be done to change it...but then i wonder.....no, it shouldnt be that way. and everyone elses opinion is convincing me of that too (but who the hell cares what everyone else thinks anyway - its my life). so i spoke. and it was noted. and then i feared....but was informed it would be alright. it was for a while. time passed. i worried again. i think im just paranoid. but i shouldnt be so dumb. i shouldnt go in head first. i should stick my toes in. and test it. so that i dont drown. altho i think im drowning as we speak. what about u? how do u play? i thought i could figure it out, but now im not so sure. thats just because of the state of mind i am in. and it will be back to normal im sure. but what if its not? and whats "normal" ? it seems too good to be true. i would die if it werent. okay i wouldnt die, but oh god how it would take the energy out of me. im not ready for that. but i dont want to play either. life is too short, and things happen for a reason....and im glad (for now) that they do. we'll see what tomorrow brings....goodnight....