(no subject)
so i guess i've been so wrapped
up in my own relatively insignificant life that i completely forgot and
failed to notice that we're moving. tomorrow. back to my dad's house in
pittsford. i hate moving. i hate packing. i hate everything about it. i
don't want to go back to ferraris and pittsfordites and mammoth houses.
it's not me. besides, packing makes me feel so lonely, i HATE empty
houses. so despite the fact that i'm both mentally and physically
exhausted, i get to spend my first real night of summer in my room,
packing every single cd, magazine, article of clothing, etc.
remarkable how one person can completely ruin your day. one person whom you know in your heart isn't worth your time anyways-- people never change, like devon said. i contemplated it and realized it was true. i still dont think you see that no one will ever be able to feel the way that i feel about you. i hope you know that i would never, ever accept this sort of treatment from anyone else. and i don't think you realize that the little things you say, well, they hurt. alot. and that even something as small as you acknowledging my existence in the form of an IM can really make me happy.
i know you've been through alot. but who hasn't? there is no justification for the way you treat me-- for the way you treat everyone. you've been holding things in for as long as i've known you and your 'i'm fine' facade isn't fooling anyone. so give it up. please. call me up at 3 o'clock in the morning. talk to me. know that you can trust me with anything. maybe you don't understand that i'm in pain. all the time. physically. my stomach never stops hurting, and no one knows what's wrong with me. yet, despite the fact that alot of times i'm grouchy and bitchy, i have NEVER, EVER treated you badly. i would rather die that make you feel the way you've been making me feel for the past 2 and a half years.
~so i guess i'll just go back to bed, and pack tomorrow, and dream that maybe one day things will be different. even though i already know that this is possible only in my dreams. i'll have one of those fitful sleeps, the kind where you're never sure if you're awake or sleeping, where events happen over and over again, backwards and forwards, blurring into that abyss of human misery which seems to consume us all. i know i'll wake up, but maybe i'll wish that i didn't, because it would only remind me why i went to sleep in the first place.~
i know you won't read this. so it is a waste of my time.
remarkable how one person can completely ruin your day. one person whom you know in your heart isn't worth your time anyways-- people never change, like devon said. i contemplated it and realized it was true. i still dont think you see that no one will ever be able to feel the way that i feel about you. i hope you know that i would never, ever accept this sort of treatment from anyone else. and i don't think you realize that the little things you say, well, they hurt. alot. and that even something as small as you acknowledging my existence in the form of an IM can really make me happy.
i know you've been through alot. but who hasn't? there is no justification for the way you treat me-- for the way you treat everyone. you've been holding things in for as long as i've known you and your 'i'm fine' facade isn't fooling anyone. so give it up. please. call me up at 3 o'clock in the morning. talk to me. know that you can trust me with anything. maybe you don't understand that i'm in pain. all the time. physically. my stomach never stops hurting, and no one knows what's wrong with me. yet, despite the fact that alot of times i'm grouchy and bitchy, i have NEVER, EVER treated you badly. i would rather die that make you feel the way you've been making me feel for the past 2 and a half years.
~so i guess i'll just go back to bed, and pack tomorrow, and dream that maybe one day things will be different. even though i already know that this is possible only in my dreams. i'll have one of those fitful sleeps, the kind where you're never sure if you're awake or sleeping, where events happen over and over again, backwards and forwards, blurring into that abyss of human misery which seems to consume us all. i know i'll wake up, but maybe i'll wish that i didn't, because it would only remind me why i went to sleep in the first place.~
i know you won't read this. so it is a waste of my time.