Oh dear. My first ever fanfic, The Problem With Love.

[jillbee7]

Alright. This is it. After ages of reading fanfictions and writing ones in my head, I've decided to bite the bullet and actually write one down. This idea was inspired by Brandywine's Arsonist Challenge. I'll admit it, I've been creeping some of your fanfictions, guys. I can't help it, you're all amazing writers. I must confess, though, that I only

Comments

[jillbee7]

My god. I think I may have just peed myself a little! (Haha, not really, I promise.) I've read enough fan fictions to realize how respected you and your opinions are and how in depth and just generally excellent your comments always are, and I feel honoured that you read, replied to and enjoyed my writing! Thank you so much.

I agree, Ryan never had anyone in his life that cared enough about him to listen to his feelings or to let him express them. I sort of think that he believes that any 'negative' emotion other than anger isn't acceptable, and so all other emotions are changed into that to make it seem more alright. I'd been wondering what would happen if, for once, he didn't show his insecurity and sadness through anger, and this is what I came up with.

I wish too that Seth could understand and value Ryan's silence instead of abusing it. I love the kid and I think that he really means well, but there's times when it's so obvious that Ryan needs support and Seth just blows right by it.

Anyway. Thanks for your support and opinions! It really means a lot to me.

[beachtree]

Wow. I hope you controlled yourself! I've never been accused of causing such a reaction before. Is that a good thing???!?

ITA on your take with Ryan and the way he channels certain emotions closest to anger, but even that is very fleeting and seems to disipate as quickly as it materializes. It takes an awful lot for him to lose the mask of stoicism anyway- at least in Newport where he knows he's on 24/7 probation and that this particular sentence has no specified term. He looks at it as a life sentence and can only hope that some of the parameters might become clearer or the feeling of the scrutiny, the confusion, alienation, being overwhelmed, or the suffocating noose that goes beyond a leash might loosen with time and some clarity. He can't really relax where he wasn't wanted, welcome or doesn't belong and has to constantly justify his presence.

I think you hit the nail on the head with some of his perceptions. Without ever being valued and encouraged to bond and express himself, he was left using powers of observation and adapting a perspective and behaviors that would give him the highest likelihood of survival. As much as he despises and tries not to emulate, but to be the antithesis of what surrounded him prior to Newport, that still means he's the product of his environment. He would not incorporate what he knew to be immoral, unethical, unwarranted, negative behaviors, especially those which conflicted with his mysterious moral compass. However, since he was never given certain tools and had no role model for anything resembling a healthy emotional relationship or a natural comfort zone, there would be so many gray areas. He would have been taught that showing weakness wasn't just something his tormentors viewed as undesirable, but something that made him appear more vulnerable and even more at risk. Therefore, he would have deemed it negative, or, at the very least, a luxury or self-indulgence he couldn't afford. In public, his facade would have to be in place for self-preservation. In private, he had other concerns and no foundation to fall back on. End of diatribe!

Seth has obviously been coddled and sheltered to the extreme. His parents might have meant well, but they did him a disservice. Some of it may be his personality as well, but he obviously wasn't exposed to enough situations where he had to be taught, or learn to consider others and the Cohens and teachers, etc. all let it slide. There are plenty of people who have no siblings, but they still know how to be gracious and considerate and how to adapt and acquire new skills as they encounter new scenarios. Seth? Just too selfish and, unfortunately, Ryan is the ultimate enabler in this case because he literally had no one or nothing and, along with being one of the most tolerant life forms on the planet, he's one of the most responsible and sensitive. He would have sensed and complied with what Seth needed and also felt a real debt to him for wanting Ryan there (even if most of that was selfish, not merely to help Ryan- and Ryan wouldn't expect otherwise), since no one wanted Ryan around, and he would have felt very obligated to do anything he could for Snady and Kirsten. I truly believe he saw being subservient to Seth as his job and undertook the task willingly. It would be a minimal and inadequate way to pay back Seth's parents, no matter how annoying Seth could be. Ryan, of all people, was used to being discounted and taken for granted or living in other people's defined contexts. As you say, I don't think Seth ever learned- or took the time to even consider learning- how to be a friend. And he hit the jackpot with Ryan, who did all the work.

Thanks for taking the plunge. I hope you continue!

[jillbee7]

Yes, yes, of course almost making me pee is a good thing! Haha. Everything you said above is so true, and I really like your analysis of Ryan and Seth's characters. I especially agree that Ryan did all the work in making their friendship happen. Without his insane amounts of patience with Seth, it never would have happened. Thanks again for reading!

[beachtree]

Thanks for giving me so much to think about- and ramble about until you were bored to tears instead of peeing!

And Seth would have gone for the one-sided "pay attention to me, me, me" sort of friendship, but without someone like Ryan, that would have lasted about a day- or an afternoon...