(no subject)
i talked to you on the pone tonight for what? an hour and a half? just you and me. you make me laugh. you make me happy. you also depress the shit out of me all at the same time.
the girl you described as your perfect girl is me. someone that understands you and all your womanlyness. someone that appreciates how nice you are. someone that gives more than they take because you do the same. someone that cares about how others feel. someone who really likes romance stories, or just romance in general. someone who just wants to find their one true love. thats me. thats me. thats me. thats. me.
you are so different from any other boy ive ever met. i believe you when you talk. i dont know what to do.
i am so fucked. (im fucked. im fucked. im fucked.)
i think now that school has started i am going to spend a lot less time in daytona than i originally planned. i dont know if i can really be around him. i dont know exactly why though. i guess its just the thought of him that upsets me more than anything. i mean i love being around him. hes one of my best friends. i think i can only do phone conversations and texting for now. even though thats probably worse since it just leaves more time for me to think about shit. but unlike some other person in my same situation i am pretty good at hiding how i feel about someone in person. i just rant about it on the internet afterwards.
im going to pretend i dont like him because as much as erin tells me to just go for it (and i appreciate it greatly and i love you and thank you for all the nice things you said about me. but you know me all too well where i wouldnt actually do any of the stuff i say i will) i cant do it. what if he does let me and then it ends up like it is with kathy right now. "i like you but i wont date you" is the shittiest feeling ive ever had in my life. i cant go through that again. i cant.
so im going to bitch and complain on here and twitter until, like, forever and im sorry that you all have to read it. but i need an outlet since i cant actually say any of this to real people, its a lot easier to type.
i cant help being hard on myself, its the thing i know how to do best.
-jillian
the girl you described as your perfect girl is me. someone that understands you and all your womanlyness. someone that appreciates how nice you are. someone that gives more than they take because you do the same. someone that cares about how others feel. someone who really likes romance stories, or just romance in general. someone who just wants to find their one true love. thats me. thats me. thats me. thats. me.
you are so different from any other boy ive ever met. i believe you when you talk. i dont know what to do.
i am so fucked. (im fucked. im fucked. im fucked.)
i think now that school has started i am going to spend a lot less time in daytona than i originally planned. i dont know if i can really be around him. i dont know exactly why though. i guess its just the thought of him that upsets me more than anything. i mean i love being around him. hes one of my best friends. i think i can only do phone conversations and texting for now. even though thats probably worse since it just leaves more time for me to think about shit. but unlike some other person in my same situation i am pretty good at hiding how i feel about someone in person. i just rant about it on the internet afterwards.
im going to pretend i dont like him because as much as erin tells me to just go for it (and i appreciate it greatly and i love you and thank you for all the nice things you said about me. but you know me all too well where i wouldnt actually do any of the stuff i say i will) i cant do it. what if he does let me and then it ends up like it is with kathy right now. "i like you but i wont date you" is the shittiest feeling ive ever had in my life. i cant go through that again. i cant.
so im going to bitch and complain on here and twitter until, like, forever and im sorry that you all have to read it. but i need an outlet since i cant actually say any of this to real people, its a lot easier to type.
i cant help being hard on myself, its the thing i know how to do best.
-jillian