Right Now II
i just went back and reviewed the past few entries, both public and private. it was fun reading over some feelings and events - some of that stuff i had forgotten about or remembered differently. i also enjoyed reading about my predictions for the future, and seeing how differently some things have turned out. i knew livejournal was worth still keeping alive!
well i guess an update is in order. currently i'm about to begin my second year teaching high school band. i enter it with some surprising (but maybe not abnormal) emotions. while i've updated my wardrobe and secretly made a deal to myself that i'd dress nicer and more "put-together" out of some kind of excitement, i'm also constantly wondering if this is the career i really want to pursue. i have some en-easiness about it. while i hear on a weekly basis "oh, you'll make a great band director!" or "when you get your own program..." something inside me responds with a grimmace. while i don't want to leave the music world (would love to keep working with drum corps!) i just don't know that i want to be a BAND DIRECTOR. i feel like i would be disappointing the people who have this expectation of me if i took my career in some different direction (haven't pinpointed that direction yet, by the way) but i think i'll discover more about this topic as my second year gets going.
another great life adventure is underway in the relationship category. i always feel dumb writing about relationship stuff here for some reason but for now i'm going to ignore that and express a few things anyway, even if they come out sounding cliche. the relationship i'm in now didnt begin in a way i would have expected. the guy i'm seeing would have never caught my eye before. everything about this new relationship would have never "passed the test" in my books before. i know lots of people get overly-excited about new boyfriends and crap and start predicting and hoping and putting emotional stock into things too soon. while trying my very best not to do any of those things, i've also tried something new to me: go with the flow. he's giving it a shot, so i figured i'd do it too. to skip a lot of bla bla.. so far, so good. it sounds wierd, but i really feel that after my sister died, i became a different person... so many deep things about me changed, and some things i wanted or maybe needed became more apparent. i think finding him has filled a lot of gaps in my heart and made me more comfortable with the person i am. he really is awesome and even though i don't understand just exactly how and why our bond works (which, i'm a big thinker so it has driven me nuts), i'm trying to just accept it for what it is. if it feels good, it's good.
AND i should not leave out in this all-important update that since i last wrote, i got a DOG! a chocolate lab named Madison! she is my best buddy and we go places together all the time. she likes the dog park at UGA and enjoys swimming and fetching sticks in the lake there, although her retrieval skills could use a little work (she likes to rely on mine). she spends a lot of time at one of our band parent's homes who has a ranch. there she has other dog friends to play with and horses to bark at. otherwise we hang out at home and go downtown or to the parks. she's cool.
well i guess an update is in order. currently i'm about to begin my second year teaching high school band. i enter it with some surprising (but maybe not abnormal) emotions. while i've updated my wardrobe and secretly made a deal to myself that i'd dress nicer and more "put-together" out of some kind of excitement, i'm also constantly wondering if this is the career i really want to pursue. i have some en-easiness about it. while i hear on a weekly basis "oh, you'll make a great band director!" or "when you get your own program..." something inside me responds with a grimmace. while i don't want to leave the music world (would love to keep working with drum corps!) i just don't know that i want to be a BAND DIRECTOR. i feel like i would be disappointing the people who have this expectation of me if i took my career in some different direction (haven't pinpointed that direction yet, by the way) but i think i'll discover more about this topic as my second year gets going.
another great life adventure is underway in the relationship category. i always feel dumb writing about relationship stuff here for some reason but for now i'm going to ignore that and express a few things anyway, even if they come out sounding cliche. the relationship i'm in now didnt begin in a way i would have expected. the guy i'm seeing would have never caught my eye before. everything about this new relationship would have never "passed the test" in my books before. i know lots of people get overly-excited about new boyfriends and crap and start predicting and hoping and putting emotional stock into things too soon. while trying my very best not to do any of those things, i've also tried something new to me: go with the flow. he's giving it a shot, so i figured i'd do it too. to skip a lot of bla bla.. so far, so good. it sounds wierd, but i really feel that after my sister died, i became a different person... so many deep things about me changed, and some things i wanted or maybe needed became more apparent. i think finding him has filled a lot of gaps in my heart and made me more comfortable with the person i am. he really is awesome and even though i don't understand just exactly how and why our bond works (which, i'm a big thinker so it has driven me nuts), i'm trying to just accept it for what it is. if it feels good, it's good.
AND i should not leave out in this all-important update that since i last wrote, i got a DOG! a chocolate lab named Madison! she is my best buddy and we go places together all the time. she likes the dog park at UGA and enjoys swimming and fetching sticks in the lake there, although her retrieval skills could use a little work (she likes to rely on mine). she spends a lot of time at one of our band parent's homes who has a ranch. there she has other dog friends to play with and horses to bark at. otherwise we hang out at home and go downtown or to the parks. she's cool.