(no subject)
well, i'm not sure how much or how little i would like to say at this point, so i'll start from here and see where it takes me.
this summer i marched with Phantom Regiment. maybe i'll spend an entry in the future describing all about it, but for now, let it suffice to say that i am a stronger, changed person... not only because of participating in drum corps, but the culmination of events that i experienced this summer. i'm left here now with an emptiness that i try to ignore, to the point where i can feel a place inside myself where i store up all my emotions. its the feeling when you are sad about something, and you know that later on in the day - maybe you even know the exact moment and place - you wont be able to hold it any longer, and you will cry. but for me, i somehow avoid that situation that i know will break me. so i just keep holding it all in. i have not unpacked my picture boxes, put photos in frames, or made up an album. i dont stop to think about it. i glaze my eyes over the pictures on the mantel at home and think of other things so that my dad's crying doesnt phase me.
before i make this too depressing for you or myself, let's move on. i'm back from corps now and doing the school thing once again. i'm taking only 13 hours this semester, which is a major cut-down for me from the usual 987651654 hours i would usually take. i figured a break would be rather good for me. i'm not even in band. its pretty nice so far. this semester i will get to observe/teach middle and high school bands in surrounding schools. i'm really excited about it! mr. rowser has gotten a new job, and really wants me to student teach with him next fall with the start of his new band program. still have some debating to do on that, but it's leaning towards yes. things in the apartment are alright. we are all off the mealplan now, so the fridge gets crowded from time to time. i'm learning to cook for myself and am so far impressed. i'm down to about 129 lbs now from corps and would like to stay maintain that, so i'm ignoring my desire to eat everything in sight and am actually eating healthy crap now like wheat bread and spinach salads (all the junk i used to despise) and i'm trying to excersise often to keep the muscle tone from going away. i personally like my slimmer build but my gramma said i need to eat more and get my boobs back, because i "have no curves and looke like a boy." well, ok. eric and i are still together, and i couldnt ask for a better boyfriend. he has been here for me through all this crap, and even now that we probably look like a gay couple because i look like a little boy, he's still hanging around me. all in all - even though rough times are still in the air - things will be alright.
this summer i marched with Phantom Regiment. maybe i'll spend an entry in the future describing all about it, but for now, let it suffice to say that i am a stronger, changed person... not only because of participating in drum corps, but the culmination of events that i experienced this summer. i'm left here now with an emptiness that i try to ignore, to the point where i can feel a place inside myself where i store up all my emotions. its the feeling when you are sad about something, and you know that later on in the day - maybe you even know the exact moment and place - you wont be able to hold it any longer, and you will cry. but for me, i somehow avoid that situation that i know will break me. so i just keep holding it all in. i have not unpacked my picture boxes, put photos in frames, or made up an album. i dont stop to think about it. i glaze my eyes over the pictures on the mantel at home and think of other things so that my dad's crying doesnt phase me.
before i make this too depressing for you or myself, let's move on. i'm back from corps now and doing the school thing once again. i'm taking only 13 hours this semester, which is a major cut-down for me from the usual 987651654 hours i would usually take. i figured a break would be rather good for me. i'm not even in band. its pretty nice so far. this semester i will get to observe/teach middle and high school bands in surrounding schools. i'm really excited about it! mr. rowser has gotten a new job, and really wants me to student teach with him next fall with the start of his new band program. still have some debating to do on that, but it's leaning towards yes. things in the apartment are alright. we are all off the mealplan now, so the fridge gets crowded from time to time. i'm learning to cook for myself and am so far impressed. i'm down to about 129 lbs now from corps and would like to stay maintain that, so i'm ignoring my desire to eat everything in sight and am actually eating healthy crap now like wheat bread and spinach salads (all the junk i used to despise) and i'm trying to excersise often to keep the muscle tone from going away. i personally like my slimmer build but my gramma said i need to eat more and get my boobs back, because i "have no curves and looke like a boy." well, ok. eric and i are still together, and i couldnt ask for a better boyfriend. he has been here for me through all this crap, and even now that we probably look like a gay couple because i look like a little boy, he's still hanging around me. all in all - even though rough times are still in the air - things will be alright.