[May 31 - afternoon]

[jill_langston]

In the end, she simply didn't have the energy to continue looking. Early that morning Jill had woken up alone, as she still did from time to time, but Rodney had been with her the night before. More often, he was sleeping in her hut, reluctantly abandoning his special mattress to make sure Jill was the comfortable one as her pregnancy progressed.

Comments

[has_2ls]

Jack had actually had a decent day. ITF training was always a kick in the ass and worked up an appetite, so after a morning of that, a quick shower and then some time with Sam, he was finally ready to tackle the rest of his day. Of course, not a lot to do on a deserted island, and he and Sam usually had to end up making their own entertainment.

Entertainment turned out to be a walk and he didn't usually wander so close to the ferris wheel, but boredom was boredom. He saw someone sitting there and squinted, trying to see who it was.

"Who do you think that is, Carter?"

[gate_expert]

"It's Jill, I think," Sam said when they were a little closer. And McKay's dog, she realized, at the same time she realized that Jill didn't look all that great. She gave Jack a look that clearly said let's go see if she's okay, knowing he'd get it.

"Jill?" Sam stopped just short of the ferris wheel, Jack right behind her. "Everything okay?" Which was a stupid question, anyone could tell just from looking at her, and if something was going on, Sam wondered where McKay was. He was useless at being there for people, but he could at least try, for Jill's sake. Was she going to have to go have another talk with him?

[jill_langston]

This was always part of it and Jill had known it was coming, but that didn't make it any easier when finally confronted with the people who would need to know. Jack and Sam had known Rodney before they'd even come to the island now he was gone. Unless they went home, too, they'd likely never see him again.

And even if Jill went home, she'd never see him.

"No," she admitted, although she wasn't crying. Her eyes were dry. "Uh... Rodney's gone." Even trying to get it out quickly didn't make it any easier and she had to look down at Cash and count to ten before looking up again. "From the island."

[has_2ls]

Jack frowned. First Ronon, who he wasn't that close to, and now Rodney. He didn't know who this screwy island was run by (and it damn sure wasn't the Council; he meant whatever freaky Goa'uld or Asgard had them trapped here) but he didn't particularly care for their timing. Jill was pregnant, alone and scared, and the island just thought it'd be brilliant to snatch away the father of the baby.

"When?"

[gate_expert]

Not McKay. As crazy as things had been here, there had been something bizarrely reassuring about Rodney's constant grumbling (and occasionally, whining) presence that had made life seem something close to normal. And now he was gone? Leaving Jill behind, with a baby on the way.

Sam took a step back and blinked, nearly asking when? before realizing that Jack had just asked that question.

[jill_langston]

Shaking her head, Jill almost wanted to tell them she didn't know when, but that wasn't totally true. It had happened sometime between last night and this morning, but she didn't know when exactly.

"I woke up alone," she answered, after she'd swallowed down any other words and any need to cry. "I've been looking for him for most of the morning, but he isn't here."

[has_2ls]

Jack had no idea what to say. He'd never really been good with comfort, not even with Sam, and he shot her a helpless look as he drew closer.

"Jill, I have no idea what to say. You know I'm not so good with words..."

He drew a little closer and let out a long breath. Maybe Carter could handle it.

[gate_expert]

The news was like a punch to the gut to Sam, and it took her a minute to make the words work. When she finally did, she didn't have anything helpful to say. What could be said? Nothing helpful, nothing useful, nothing that would make a damn bit of difference.

"Crap... Jill, I'm sorry," was what she said, even though what she really felt like doing was swearing a little and yelling McKay, you get your ass back here right now and fix this mess!... not that it would do any good. "Are you okay? I mean... obviously not okay, but... is there anything we can do?"

They couldn't bring Rodney back, so really, it wasn't that great of an offer, but Sam felt like she had to say something even if it wasn't at all useful.

[jill_langston]

She wasn't the only one who'd lost him and she knew it, so Jill looked up and met Jack's gaze first, then Sam's before she shook her head. He wasn't only hers to mourn and, as shitty as she felt, she could still appreciate that.

"There isn't much," she said simply, wishing there was an answer. "John and I used to go out here and get drunk every time someone disappeared," she added with a forced laugh.

Now John was gone and Jill was far too pregnant to get drunk.

[has_2ls]

"Can't do that," Jack said, shaking his head. "But we can try to get your mind off it, if you want. Don't know how, but I'm sure I can think of something."

He glanced at Sam. "Carter? You got any ideas?"

[gate_expert]

"I..." She shook her head a little; she didn't have a clue. "Do you want some company? We can sit with you for a while if you want, or if you just want to be by yourself..."

Sam was bad at this. When Teyla's people had been taken, including Kanaan, Sam had been able to at least give her some resources to go and look for him, but there wasn't squat she could do to help Jill and it sucked.

[jill_langston]

"You know when something's happened and you're not sure anything at all can help, even though you'd like it if something could?" Jill asked, moving over if one of them wanted to sit in the ferris wheel car next to her. "That's sort of how it is now. You think something should help, but I have no idea what that something might be. Not even after going through this so many goddamn times."

What she wanted was to be angry. So often she and John had mustered a lot of anger together, but now she couldn't even get that far. Now she just felt sort of numb.

[has_2ls]

Jack slid into the ferris wheel car, shooting a glance at Sam before settling next to Jill, sliding his arm around her shoulders.

"C'mere. I don't know what to say, and I'm crap with this touchy feely stuff, but I think you need this as much as I do."

[jill_langston]

If possible, Jill was worse with touchy feely stuff than Jack and her shoulders stiffened briefly under his arm. She was never sure how to deal with comfort or sympathy and she shook her head again, trying to deny something, although she wasn't sure what.

But she didn't shrug off Jack's arm. And eventually she relaxed a little against him.

"It won't ever stop," she said. "I hate to be the one to say this, but it doesn't matter how long you both stay here, this will never stop."

[has_2ls]

"Never does," Jack agreed, thinking more about field casualties, "But you can learn how to deal. Eventually. Jill, I'm here for whatever you need. Can't speak for Sam, but I bet she is too."

[gate_expert]

Maybe it was better if Jack made the effort to be comforting, even if he thought he wasn't good at it; Sam was still reeling a little. It wasn't the same kind of stunned she'd felt when Janet died, or when Jack died, because it was McKay and as far as she knew he wasn't dead, just gone--but the punch to the gut feeling was still the same.

"Yeah," she said finally, sucking in a deep breath. "If you need anything, just say the word. We'll be here." For as long as the island let them be, anyway, but she didn't say that. It definitely wouldn't help.