Blessed are the Dumbfucks, for they shall never be disappointed.
Okay, holy shit. I have no intention of writing about every book I read from the book meme, but the first one I read finished (I started Idlewild first, but it was way hot yesterday and I was way lazy, and to read Idlewild I'd have to, like, get up and get it from the bathroom and stuff, but my new haul of library books was sitting right next to me, so, you get the idea) deserves it.
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore was rec'd by rhap_chan
I could preface this by talking about what role (or lack thereof) religion plays in my life, but all you really need to is that I'm a godless heathen and All I Learned About Christianity I Learned from Broadway Musicals. (I really wish I were kidding about that last part, considering the fact that my late grandfather was a methodist reverend (minister? Idek what his official title was), but I was fortunate enough as a child that nothing was ever forced on me, and when I had ten or eleven church visits under my belt it became pretty obvious to myself that I just plain didn't get it, like walking in on a joke at the punchline, having missed the set up. By the time someone retells the joke and explains it to you, all you can do is nod and say "Oh, okay," and kind of force a smile just to be polite, even though it isn't funny. It's safe to say I didn't retain any of that early stuff, but I can hum a few Christmas hymns ingrained into my brain since first grade choir, and I saw Jesus Christ Superstar like 20 times in high school (my BFFs were drama geeks) so, you know, I know the short version.)
rhap_chan says "this is the best secular story to learn about Jesus from," and I'll just have to take her word for that one, because she would certainly know better than I, but I can safely say that we both agree that this book is a fucking laugh riot. I don't think I stopped giggling the entire time I read it (most of last night and finished the last section this morning). I don't know if there's anything coherent I can say bout it that I can't say better with an excerpt, but I think it would be impossible to pick just one or two of my favorites.
Essentially, here is the set up: this ordinary (if smartassed) kid named Biff meets this extraordinay kid names Joshua (Jesus to you and I) and they become BFFs. Around the time they hit 13, Josh decides that if he's going to be the messiah, he's going to have to learn how, so he and Biff take off to find the three wise men (you know, from the song) to spend 16 years in the Orient among African wizards, Chinese concubines, Bhuddist monks, a Yeti, and Hindu yogis, just to name a few. Hilarity ensues. No, I mean it. I almost killed myself by inhaling taco shell.
Predictably, the humor (and my interest) starts petering out towards the end, once we start getting into familiar territory, but there're still some gems, ("Simon, get your leprous ass out here.") In the end, I stopped loving Josh a little when he stopped being a ridiculously sweet and naive little boy who pays to get his BFF laid in the next room in an effort to understand what sex is. It helped me understand, at least a little bit, why he's so popular, but I still miss the punchline. I don't know what it says about me that I think Josh grew up to be kind of a buzzkill; probably that I like charming and hilarious characters from funny books a lot better than I like religion. And that I'm a sinner.
Both of which I already knew.
Here is the gist of almost every sermon I ever heard Joshua give.
You should be nice to people, even creeps.
And if you:
a) believed that Joshua was the Son of God (and)
b) he had come to save you from sin (and)
c) acknowledged the Holy Spirit within you (became as a little child, he would say) (and)
d) didn't blaspheme the Holy Ghost (see c),
then you would:
e) live forever
f) someplace nice
g) probably heaven.
However, if you:
h) sinned (and/or)
i) were a hypocrite (and/or)
j) valued things over people (and)
k) didn't do a,b,c, and d,
then you were:
l) fucked.
Highly recommended, because I don't give a shit who you are, laughing is awesome.
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore was rec'd by rhap_chan
I could preface this by talking about what role (or lack thereof) religion plays in my life, but all you really need to is that I'm a godless heathen and All I Learned About Christianity I Learned from Broadway Musicals. (I really wish I were kidding about that last part, considering the fact that my late grandfather was a methodist reverend (minister? Idek what his official title was), but I was fortunate enough as a child that nothing was ever forced on me, and when I had ten or eleven church visits under my belt it became pretty obvious to myself that I just plain didn't get it, like walking in on a joke at the punchline, having missed the set up. By the time someone retells the joke and explains it to you, all you can do is nod and say "Oh, okay," and kind of force a smile just to be polite, even though it isn't funny. It's safe to say I didn't retain any of that early stuff, but I can hum a few Christmas hymns ingrained into my brain since first grade choir, and I saw Jesus Christ Superstar like 20 times in high school (my BFFs were drama geeks) so, you know, I know the short version.)
rhap_chan says "this is the best secular story to learn about Jesus from," and I'll just have to take her word for that one, because she would certainly know better than I, but I can safely say that we both agree that this book is a fucking laugh riot. I don't think I stopped giggling the entire time I read it (most of last night and finished the last section this morning). I don't know if there's anything coherent I can say bout it that I can't say better with an excerpt, but I think it would be impossible to pick just one or two of my favorites.
Essentially, here is the set up: this ordinary (if smartassed) kid named Biff meets this extraordinay kid names Joshua (Jesus to you and I) and they become BFFs. Around the time they hit 13, Josh decides that if he's going to be the messiah, he's going to have to learn how, so he and Biff take off to find the three wise men (you know, from the song) to spend 16 years in the Orient among African wizards, Chinese concubines, Bhuddist monks, a Yeti, and Hindu yogis, just to name a few. Hilarity ensues. No, I mean it. I almost killed myself by inhaling taco shell.
Predictably, the humor (and my interest) starts petering out towards the end, once we start getting into familiar territory, but there're still some gems, ("Simon, get your leprous ass out here.") In the end, I stopped loving Josh a little when he stopped being a ridiculously sweet and naive little boy who pays to get his BFF laid in the next room in an effort to understand what sex is. It helped me understand, at least a little bit, why he's so popular, but I still miss the punchline. I don't know what it says about me that I think Josh grew up to be kind of a buzzkill; probably that I like charming and hilarious characters from funny books a lot better than I like religion. And that I'm a sinner.
Both of which I already knew.
Here is the gist of almost every sermon I ever heard Joshua give.
You should be nice to people, even creeps.
And if you:
a) believed that Joshua was the Son of God (and)
b) he had come to save you from sin (and)
c) acknowledged the Holy Spirit within you (became as a little child, he would say) (and)
d) didn't blaspheme the Holy Ghost (see c),
then you would:
e) live forever
f) someplace nice
g) probably heaven.
However, if you:
h) sinned (and/or)
i) were a hypocrite (and/or)
j) valued things over people (and)
k) didn't do a,b,c, and d,
then you were:
l) fucked.
Highly recommended, because I don't give a shit who you are, laughing is awesome.