, if ur happy and u kno it clap ur hands.
so me and royce are officially, idk wutever. theres drama there. i saw him yesterday and we chilled for a little bit. i knew something was up when he didnt call me back yesterday. we talked (ofcourse) about how hes once again feeling about our situation. he says that hes confused and he needs about 3 weeks to decide wut hes gonna do. hes like my friends were giving me advice and basically they said i need to stay away from u, cuz the situation wud get worse. they told him that cuz of our age difference we're gonna face some problems and they dont want this to turn into a "daddy" situation...like i wud begin to look at him as "daddy": coming to him w/ my problems, explaining in depth about how my day was, wutever. so he tells me im gonna take their advice and not talk to u on the level that i do, cuz its more than friends. and u need to focus on ur schoolwork and concentrate on u and i dont want u to "structure" ur life around me. he also said that we werent on the same page. in terms of he has a job, is about to get a car and i have none of that. so hes like u need to focus on u right now, and do ur thing. i wanted to get up and walk away, or slap him-either one. first off, stop thinking ur friends are god and they kno everything. second, umm excuse me dont flatter urself, i kno im younger than u, but i feel im doing ok for myself at where iam right now, but a part of me understood and agreed with the majority of wut him and his friends were saying. cuz ive thought about it: and that whole daddy figure thing is odd, but i cudnt lie to myself. its true. prolly deep down i look at him as wise, like hes suppose to kno wut im going thru, cuz he already went thru it. but idk...a part of me hates him b/c hes so into himself, and confused. one minute he wants to be more than friends, wants to flirt w/ me and call me every five seconds. the next minute, hes around his friends and georgia and he doesnt want anything to do with me. i told him that if we ever went out, and it got serious, that he wud prolly end up breaking my heart b/c he wudnt care about me the way i cared about him. hes like "oh i kno"...(ouch!) and i told him no girl likes to be second best and i feel like hes putting me on the back burner. if it doesnt work out with georgia than he comes to me. he subtly admitted that 2. now that im putting 2 and 2 together. he really is being a jerk to me. so than y does apart of me want him...grr!!!
....on another note. i spoke to georgia today, not about royce, but just about school stuff in general. she's sweet and its surprising how nice im being to her, like how much i dont care if royce likes her more. usu. i wud be jealous (and im not saying a part of me isnt) but i feel im handling this rather well, or at least ok. idk theres too much drama there, fuck it!
....oooh i got the part i wanted! HIPS by SANDRA CISNEROS! Summer said that part was made for me. its just b/c im black and it has urban dialect. jee thanx. no but im glad i got that part. i feel comfortable. its just so hard in theatre and film not to get type casted. like almost impossible.
....theatre class is fun. i went up there and did my piece from my poem JAZZ and we had to recite 5 lives,each with a different emotion. i did rather well. this kid jesse commented that i was good. clear with my emotion and he liked how i paused. he murmured "Jillian's awesome"! and he looked at me and smiled. i smiled back and that compliment really stayed with me all day...since hes cute. and talented. (ahhh chills!) there was this girl al in my class who said that with my pauses she kind of thought that i was forgetting what i was about to say, and my teacher fired back with exactly, so she achieved her objective, therefore she gave u a reality. i was like: haaa alright! its such a good feeling tho, when u do something right. and ur confident in it, and ppl like ur work.
....this swim team is kicking my ass tho! its so much excercise, and im so underadvanced then everyone else i feel like an ass. theres this other girl tiffany who hasnt been on a team b4 either and we said we wud stick together lol, since we both have no idea wuts going on. i dk if i wanna stay with it. i love it for the workout, but getting up at 6 am everyday i cant do. thats just too much. and im debating whether or not i shud get a job. my mom was furious with my phone bill $435. yea! i kno. (*NOTE TO PPL, ONLY CALL MY H O U S E PHONE*) i felt terrible. moms pissed at paying for everything and she tells me she cant wait for this whole experience to be over next year. but mom mhmm its never really over. yea u stop paying for stuff, but other than that, college is for 4 years. i asked if getting a job wud help and shes like not really. its like she doesnt want me to work this year, and focus on my work, yet she yells at me for things that need to be paid for. wutever
...omg theres this cafe that has live jazz and thursday nite mic nites!! yes awesome. and its right over by henrietta, which is not far from me, but i'll get lost esp. at nite! this is so exciting u kno me and jazz and spoken word/poetry and all that. this is great, but i need a car! or at least someone to drive me there. idk if vivian is into that, or shes busy. i need to get to kno this kid Thar-who has a car. lol i met him at orientation. hes suppose to go to UB too. he seems cool, and o is he cute! ok jillian stop. (this is how i get in trouble). summer mite want to go, but i dont kno her like that yet tho. i need to. she seems ok. nat she reminds me of u, however ur not this goofy i dont think lol. i miss u!! and alexis!....and liv! (u havent called me ho!) and glen, and chris, tasha, dollz, lee. i say this every entry, but o well. i met this cool girl that lives in rustic too. her name is harley i believe and shes definatley got a cool, weird style. straight out of the village. thats y i though :girl u dont belong here. lol u belong in new york. i want to talk to her and get to kno her, but like i dont wanna seem like a stalker, or desperate. i hope i see her again tho. idk wutever.
...i need to go do homework. i wish i cud sleep all day but i cant. tues and thursdays are my busiest days. my whole body hurts too from working out. i wanna try that outdoor activity board. but i think i have too much on my plate
~CiAo~
*Jilly*
....on another note. i spoke to georgia today, not about royce, but just about school stuff in general. she's sweet and its surprising how nice im being to her, like how much i dont care if royce likes her more. usu. i wud be jealous (and im not saying a part of me isnt) but i feel im handling this rather well, or at least ok. idk theres too much drama there, fuck it!
....oooh i got the part i wanted! HIPS by SANDRA CISNEROS! Summer said that part was made for me. its just b/c im black and it has urban dialect. jee thanx. no but im glad i got that part. i feel comfortable. its just so hard in theatre and film not to get type casted. like almost impossible.
....theatre class is fun. i went up there and did my piece from my poem JAZZ and we had to recite 5 lives,each with a different emotion. i did rather well. this kid jesse commented that i was good. clear with my emotion and he liked how i paused. he murmured "Jillian's awesome"! and he looked at me and smiled. i smiled back and that compliment really stayed with me all day...since hes cute. and talented. (ahhh chills!) there was this girl al in my class who said that with my pauses she kind of thought that i was forgetting what i was about to say, and my teacher fired back with exactly, so she achieved her objective, therefore she gave u a reality. i was like: haaa alright! its such a good feeling tho, when u do something right. and ur confident in it, and ppl like ur work.
....this swim team is kicking my ass tho! its so much excercise, and im so underadvanced then everyone else i feel like an ass. theres this other girl tiffany who hasnt been on a team b4 either and we said we wud stick together lol, since we both have no idea wuts going on. i dk if i wanna stay with it. i love it for the workout, but getting up at 6 am everyday i cant do. thats just too much. and im debating whether or not i shud get a job. my mom was furious with my phone bill $435. yea! i kno. (*NOTE TO PPL, ONLY CALL MY H O U S E PHONE*) i felt terrible. moms pissed at paying for everything and she tells me she cant wait for this whole experience to be over next year. but mom mhmm its never really over. yea u stop paying for stuff, but other than that, college is for 4 years. i asked if getting a job wud help and shes like not really. its like she doesnt want me to work this year, and focus on my work, yet she yells at me for things that need to be paid for. wutever
...omg theres this cafe that has live jazz and thursday nite mic nites!! yes awesome. and its right over by henrietta, which is not far from me, but i'll get lost esp. at nite! this is so exciting u kno me and jazz and spoken word/poetry and all that. this is great, but i need a car! or at least someone to drive me there. idk if vivian is into that, or shes busy. i need to get to kno this kid Thar-who has a car. lol i met him at orientation. hes suppose to go to UB too. he seems cool, and o is he cute! ok jillian stop. (this is how i get in trouble). summer mite want to go, but i dont kno her like that yet tho. i need to. she seems ok. nat she reminds me of u, however ur not this goofy i dont think lol. i miss u!! and alexis!....and liv! (u havent called me ho!) and glen, and chris, tasha, dollz, lee. i say this every entry, but o well. i met this cool girl that lives in rustic too. her name is harley i believe and shes definatley got a cool, weird style. straight out of the village. thats y i though :girl u dont belong here. lol u belong in new york. i want to talk to her and get to kno her, but like i dont wanna seem like a stalker, or desperate. i hope i see her again tho. idk wutever.
...i need to go do homework. i wish i cud sleep all day but i cant. tues and thursdays are my busiest days. my whole body hurts too from working out. i wanna try that outdoor activity board. but i think i have too much on my plate
~CiAo~
*Jilly*