On another note
Sometime in 2012 when I was reading Sylvia Nasar's A Beautiful Mind, John Nash's biography and the basis for the film that I will watch for the nth time tonight, I think I decided I wanted to be like him in the way that he was a solitary genius, friendless throughout his life, just a walking brain of mathematics and economics. And this is the part I realize that you really should be careful what you wish for, because I'm losing all my friends with each day that I become closer to fulfilling my dream of becoming an economist, and it's not all fine and dandy because actually, there's still a human holding that brain that yearns to become a genius, the human part that still feels hurt even if the brain can reject it with econometrics. I'm getting my wish, I guess. I'm on my way, but alone. I can rationalize my feelings away and I'll be fine later, once I get engrossed in proofs, but there we go. Solitary.
When I feel like I can't relate to anyone anymore, I think about you, Crystal. I know we weren't close ever, but we were once seatmates in high school, the genius that you are. You studied economics in college. I wonder, if you had lived beyond that tragedy, if you would have continued on with economics. Then I wouldn't be so alone, at least, in our Paulinian batch, doing economics. I wonder about you. Sometimes I like to imagine you, that you're proud that I'm going to become an economist. Maybe it was your dream, your direction. I think about it sometimes, because sometimes it's lonely.
When I feel like I can't relate to anyone anymore, I think about you, Crystal. I know we weren't close ever, but we were once seatmates in high school, the genius that you are. You studied economics in college. I wonder, if you had lived beyond that tragedy, if you would have continued on with economics. Then I wouldn't be so alone, at least, in our Paulinian batch, doing economics. I wonder about you. Sometimes I like to imagine you, that you're proud that I'm going to become an economist. Maybe it was your dream, your direction. I think about it sometimes, because sometimes it's lonely.