Dean Moriarty
I've been reading Jack Kerouac's On The Road, and from the moment I opened it, I realized why you should read more when you're younger, because as you grow old, you know people, and the book's characters were named Salvatore and Sal Panza is Salvatore and Dean Moriarty kind of resembles Dean, I don't know.
But anyway, Dean and I were in a cab last night, and he asked if I've ever had a guy, you know. I said no, and then came the usual disbelief, the usual, "Never?" which I followed with the usual, "I hate feelings," and "I think I like white guys." And then Dean laughed, because he got his MA in Spain. "I know white guys, I've lived with white guys, and they're not all they're cracked up to be. They're hairy." I laughed, then Dean also said, "But I guess they like you, with your skin color..."
I started wondering if I didn't have "love" or a guy truly because I like white guys. Or because I hated feelings. I honestly think emotions are crap, that everything should be quantifiable, logical, mathematical. And so I wondered if I didn't have love because I didn't want it, because it would make me human, in a way. Because if I had a guy, I'd be like everybody else. I've spent a long time romanticizing being alone and successful, a unique sort of success because it would be pure success in economics, without any strings like "a love life" because that's just not so pure. I realized that I thought love taints things, you know. And I really think my tale would be amazing without "a love life" because then my life would be purely full of economics, mathematics, research and success. This girl--a pure brain, no heart, just passion for economics and development.
Superhuman.
But anyway, Dean and I were in a cab last night, and he asked if I've ever had a guy, you know. I said no, and then came the usual disbelief, the usual, "Never?" which I followed with the usual, "I hate feelings," and "I think I like white guys." And then Dean laughed, because he got his MA in Spain. "I know white guys, I've lived with white guys, and they're not all they're cracked up to be. They're hairy." I laughed, then Dean also said, "But I guess they like you, with your skin color..."
I started wondering if I didn't have "love" or a guy truly because I like white guys. Or because I hated feelings. I honestly think emotions are crap, that everything should be quantifiable, logical, mathematical. And so I wondered if I didn't have love because I didn't want it, because it would make me human, in a way. Because if I had a guy, I'd be like everybody else. I've spent a long time romanticizing being alone and successful, a unique sort of success because it would be pure success in economics, without any strings like "a love life" because that's just not so pure. I realized that I thought love taints things, you know. And I really think my tale would be amazing without "a love life" because then my life would be purely full of economics, mathematics, research and success. This girl--a pure brain, no heart, just passion for economics and development.
Superhuman.