Better 4/?
Title: Better 4/?
Pairing: Human Doctor/Rose, mentioning of Nine/Rose, Ten/Rose
Rating: Teen (this rating will increase later)
Timeline: After Journey's End
Summary: The Doctor is traveling on new territory - a human body with a very human single heart, no Tardis, and no time & space. But there's Rose - and all the emotions that resurface with her return. All he wants to do is be with her - but it's not going to be that easy.
Want to read it from the beginning? Start here
Her heart was pounding, the sound heavy in her ears.
She knew it couldn’t have been easy for him, but to have the words pass through his lips made her heart ache. She felt validated in an odd way.
The Doctor had never been good at goodbye - he didn’t have to tell her that. He had a habit of leaving, vanishing, and sacrificing - but always so selfishly. He did it knowing that he would never have to deal with the aftermath - the clean up. Rose’s feeling of validation seemed to evaporate and was quickly being replaced with an anger she had set aside for so long…
The Doctor never wanted to say goodbye because it hurt - but what about everyone he left behind?
Her fingertips on his hand stilled before she removed them completely.
“Are you?” the words blurted out of her mouth before she had a chance to catch up with them.
A look passed over his eyes that pained her momentarily. It wasn’t fair - he wore his face, had his memories, but he’d just come into existence, hadn’t he? Did he deserve this? Any of this?
“Am I…what?” She tried to ignore the pain in his voice.
Rose shifted back from him a bit. No edge of him was touching her anymore and she felt suddenly very cold.
She tried to talk past the lump in her throat, “Are you…going to say goodbye…or are you just going to get up and leave one day?”
He looked at her with a look of utter pain - it made her want to take back the words, erase them, anything to not see that look. But it was too late - and she would be lying if she wasn’t honestly questioning it.
This Doctor was human. He had a choice. He could choose to not be there. There weren’t any universes that needed saving - he was free.
Clearing her throat loudly, she offered a meek smile even while she knew her eyes were shining with tears. It had been a long day and she just wanted to be alone for awhile.
“Nevermind,” her voice cracked, “I’m going to take a shower. Here’s some money for when the take-away gets here.”
Rose unearthed some folded up bills from her pocket and placed them on the piece of couch between them before she stood up and walked quietly towards her bedroom, leaving the Doctor in dumbfounded silence.
***
He watched her walk away to her bedroom. The Doctor stared even after she disappeared past her door. There was a horrible feeling building in his chest. It felt heavy and his throat was constricted. Moisture was beginning to build in the corners of his eyes. He’d forgotten how emotional the human body and heart could be.
Rose was giving him the benefit of the doubt - somewhere in her mind, she believed he’d leave her. The thought made him heartbroken and angry.
Out of everyone - and that was a massive group of “everyone” - he gave himself to Rose.
Anger continued to bubble in him and it gave him a shot of adrenaline. He stood up and paced back and forth in the sitting room. The Doctor tugged at his hair harshly - ignoring the pangs of pain in his scalp.
He wanted her - what was so difficult to understand about that?
Nothing was going to make him leave her - only Rose could push him away.
Not seeing clearly through his anger, he turned quickly and punched a wall near a bookcase. The wall was sturdy and therefore extremely unaffected by the Doctor’s contact. His hand, however, was a different story…
Cradling his hand in his other, he rubbed at the sting. The Doctor’s face winced as tiny jabs of pain trailed through his hand to his wrist. He walked over to the couch and fell onto it, exasperated with his feelings.
And that’s when he saw it.
It was a book that had fallen off the bookcase. It must have been unsettled and thrown when he had his fit with the wall (and lost).
The Doctor picked himself up and over to the spot to pick it up. He was about to place it back on the shelf when he realized that it wasn’t an ordinary book. The cover was black and blank - no title.
Ever the curious being - Time Lord or not - he flipped the pages, and realized quickly that the words on each page were hand written. More importantly, they were in Rose’s handwriting. It dawned on him that he had just stumbled on what must be a journal of some sort.
He quickly closed the book.
But what was it doing in the main room of her flat?
The book was probably haphazardly left there by mistake, but still, it was odd. It occurred to him that Rose didn’t seem to have many people over. Something about that made him sad. She had always been so open and warm. He hated to think that she had not gotten close to anyone since he’d been gone.
That thought suddenly sent him reeling into a completely other one - what if she had gotten close to someone? A male someone? It had been more than a few years - did he really expect her to wait for him? He had told her she would never see him again…
The Doctor swallowed harshly as if he could swallow the jealousy that raged within him.
He flipped the pages of the book, simultaneously searching and ignoring the writing. A photo tucked in between two of the pages made him stop.
It was a small, grainy photograph of them. The-Doctor-and-Rose.
The image startled him, and he felt as if the air had been drained out of his lungs.
The photo had been taken with Rose’s cell phone on Christmas Day. It was after dinner and they had stood outside with ash sprinkling around them. Rose had pulled out her cell phone and snapped a quick photo. He had upgraded the phone for her - but the memory had never erased. He wasn’t aware that she had it on her the day she…
Ignoring the onset of ache in his nerves, he smiled at the image of them. His arm was around her shoulders - he’d held her close to him. All the memories of that day centered on her. The pure joy he felt knowing that she knew he was the best friend that had traveled beside her through time and space.
The Doctor tucked the photo back into the book and was about to close it when his curiosity got the best of him. He peered down the hallway to see if her door was still closed. It was, and so he opened the book back to the page the photo rested on.
It was mostly blank, except for four words written in small print at the top of the page.
I still miss him.
They were four very small words - but they still made the Doctor feel as if he’d been knocked off his feet.
He turned the page - the following ones were blank. The entry had been rather new. There was a date at the top - it didn’t help any, he didn’t know what the present date was.
Still, she hadn’t forgotten about him. Hadn’t stopped missing him.
How could he get her to understand that he missed her just as much?
He knew that it would take much to believe him. How many times did he push her away during their time together? They had held hands and been the best of friends - but that didn’t mean that he let her in. Yes, she knew things about him that others didn’t. And he’d held her in a special place within himself - but looking back on it, it no longer seemed enough.
And so his anger, which had bubbled with such rage before, was no longer present. In its place was a mixture of trepidation and determination.
He would make it up to her. He had to.
One step at a time.
The buzzing of the intercom broke his concentration. Must be the take-away, he thought.
He grabbed the money Rose had left him on his way to answer the call.
One step at a time, he repeated to himself.
***
Five
Pairing: Human Doctor/Rose, mentioning of Nine/Rose, Ten/Rose
Rating: Teen (this rating will increase later)
Timeline: After Journey's End
Summary: The Doctor is traveling on new territory - a human body with a very human single heart, no Tardis, and no time & space. But there's Rose - and all the emotions that resurface with her return. All he wants to do is be with her - but it's not going to be that easy.
Want to read it from the beginning? Start here
Her heart was pounding, the sound heavy in her ears.
She knew it couldn’t have been easy for him, but to have the words pass through his lips made her heart ache. She felt validated in an odd way.
The Doctor had never been good at goodbye - he didn’t have to tell her that. He had a habit of leaving, vanishing, and sacrificing - but always so selfishly. He did it knowing that he would never have to deal with the aftermath - the clean up. Rose’s feeling of validation seemed to evaporate and was quickly being replaced with an anger she had set aside for so long…
The Doctor never wanted to say goodbye because it hurt - but what about everyone he left behind?
Her fingertips on his hand stilled before she removed them completely.
“Are you?” the words blurted out of her mouth before she had a chance to catch up with them.
A look passed over his eyes that pained her momentarily. It wasn’t fair - he wore his face, had his memories, but he’d just come into existence, hadn’t he? Did he deserve this? Any of this?
“Am I…what?” She tried to ignore the pain in his voice.
Rose shifted back from him a bit. No edge of him was touching her anymore and she felt suddenly very cold.
She tried to talk past the lump in her throat, “Are you…going to say goodbye…or are you just going to get up and leave one day?”
He looked at her with a look of utter pain - it made her want to take back the words, erase them, anything to not see that look. But it was too late - and she would be lying if she wasn’t honestly questioning it.
This Doctor was human. He had a choice. He could choose to not be there. There weren’t any universes that needed saving - he was free.
Clearing her throat loudly, she offered a meek smile even while she knew her eyes were shining with tears. It had been a long day and she just wanted to be alone for awhile.
“Nevermind,” her voice cracked, “I’m going to take a shower. Here’s some money for when the take-away gets here.”
Rose unearthed some folded up bills from her pocket and placed them on the piece of couch between them before she stood up and walked quietly towards her bedroom, leaving the Doctor in dumbfounded silence.
***
He watched her walk away to her bedroom. The Doctor stared even after she disappeared past her door. There was a horrible feeling building in his chest. It felt heavy and his throat was constricted. Moisture was beginning to build in the corners of his eyes. He’d forgotten how emotional the human body and heart could be.
Rose was giving him the benefit of the doubt - somewhere in her mind, she believed he’d leave her. The thought made him heartbroken and angry.
Out of everyone - and that was a massive group of “everyone” - he gave himself to Rose.
Anger continued to bubble in him and it gave him a shot of adrenaline. He stood up and paced back and forth in the sitting room. The Doctor tugged at his hair harshly - ignoring the pangs of pain in his scalp.
He wanted her - what was so difficult to understand about that?
Nothing was going to make him leave her - only Rose could push him away.
Not seeing clearly through his anger, he turned quickly and punched a wall near a bookcase. The wall was sturdy and therefore extremely unaffected by the Doctor’s contact. His hand, however, was a different story…
Cradling his hand in his other, he rubbed at the sting. The Doctor’s face winced as tiny jabs of pain trailed through his hand to his wrist. He walked over to the couch and fell onto it, exasperated with his feelings.
And that’s when he saw it.
It was a book that had fallen off the bookcase. It must have been unsettled and thrown when he had his fit with the wall (and lost).
The Doctor picked himself up and over to the spot to pick it up. He was about to place it back on the shelf when he realized that it wasn’t an ordinary book. The cover was black and blank - no title.
Ever the curious being - Time Lord or not - he flipped the pages, and realized quickly that the words on each page were hand written. More importantly, they were in Rose’s handwriting. It dawned on him that he had just stumbled on what must be a journal of some sort.
He quickly closed the book.
But what was it doing in the main room of her flat?
The book was probably haphazardly left there by mistake, but still, it was odd. It occurred to him that Rose didn’t seem to have many people over. Something about that made him sad. She had always been so open and warm. He hated to think that she had not gotten close to anyone since he’d been gone.
That thought suddenly sent him reeling into a completely other one - what if she had gotten close to someone? A male someone? It had been more than a few years - did he really expect her to wait for him? He had told her she would never see him again…
The Doctor swallowed harshly as if he could swallow the jealousy that raged within him.
He flipped the pages of the book, simultaneously searching and ignoring the writing. A photo tucked in between two of the pages made him stop.
It was a small, grainy photograph of them. The-Doctor-and-Rose.
The image startled him, and he felt as if the air had been drained out of his lungs.
The photo had been taken with Rose’s cell phone on Christmas Day. It was after dinner and they had stood outside with ash sprinkling around them. Rose had pulled out her cell phone and snapped a quick photo. He had upgraded the phone for her - but the memory had never erased. He wasn’t aware that she had it on her the day she…
Ignoring the onset of ache in his nerves, he smiled at the image of them. His arm was around her shoulders - he’d held her close to him. All the memories of that day centered on her. The pure joy he felt knowing that she knew he was the best friend that had traveled beside her through time and space.
The Doctor tucked the photo back into the book and was about to close it when his curiosity got the best of him. He peered down the hallway to see if her door was still closed. It was, and so he opened the book back to the page the photo rested on.
It was mostly blank, except for four words written in small print at the top of the page.
I still miss him.
They were four very small words - but they still made the Doctor feel as if he’d been knocked off his feet.
He turned the page - the following ones were blank. The entry had been rather new. There was a date at the top - it didn’t help any, he didn’t know what the present date was.
Still, she hadn’t forgotten about him. Hadn’t stopped missing him.
How could he get her to understand that he missed her just as much?
He knew that it would take much to believe him. How many times did he push her away during their time together? They had held hands and been the best of friends - but that didn’t mean that he let her in. Yes, she knew things about him that others didn’t. And he’d held her in a special place within himself - but looking back on it, it no longer seemed enough.
And so his anger, which had bubbled with such rage before, was no longer present. In its place was a mixture of trepidation and determination.
He would make it up to her. He had to.
One step at a time.
The buzzing of the intercom broke his concentration. Must be the take-away, he thought.
He grabbed the money Rose had left him on his way to answer the call.
One step at a time, he repeated to himself.
***
Five