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Sep 14, 2011 17:43


I thought I'd try once more to log in  and I guess it worked. I was able to log in and my journal still exists, such as the relic that it is.

So much to say.... it's been over a year since I've written in this manner. Where to start. Let me break it down into sections for now.

Health

In April of 2010 I was reminded of how fragile my body is. I had sstrep and cellulitus. One played catalyst for the other, it doesn't matter which one. I had a high fever and my right leg was less than useless. I thought I was going to die. Afterward I recovered with a few days of blissful normalcy before my left knee gives out, followed by my entire leg. To add to it we have no concrete proof of what started the second event. The knee/leg was far less enjoyable that the cellutis. Months of recovery later I am fully schooled in the probability that I am made of glass. Carrie the Doctor chalked it up to a dominoe effect that got kick started by a phenomenal amont of stress. I believer her. Stress kind of segways into the next item, at least a little bit.

RUNNING AWAY

I ran away from my wife. 'Tis true. I got out while she was at work and kept on driving. I couldn't stand being there. I couldn't breathe the same in Mississippi, not with her. It's true that you can't run away from yourself if you're the problem but you can hightail it from a doomed marriage..

DIVORCE

Divorced. eh.... I'm kind of over it. Marriage is not for everybody,  and not for this guy. We were never happy... not for two straight days. It was as much as her fault in her way as me in mine. Some people say that I have some scars or are changed by it. I don't think so most of the time but if I really listen to myself sometimes, there's enough evidence that I can't dismiss the notion. I blame for more than I'll ever be able to even admit to myself.

In my opinion she wrecked me for myself, her, and what we could have had together. In an alternate life somewhere we are together and happy... and the rule the world lol. Not this life and not this time though.

Jesus, I could rant about this very subject for hours and no one except myself would be able to follow. That's how much my brain needs to debrief. Now that I've found the journal again I have that opportunity. I could probably fill a few gigabytes with the sheer amount of free form and train of thought that would spill onto the page. I coudn't  type fast enough.

JOB

I discovered something that I should have known all along. Companies suck. Especially ones you've bled for. They only hurt you more. I got back into town and I immediately have prospects, at least on the surface.  then my beloved AT&T won't hire me back. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL??!! (That was my reaction) They said I'm not fit for the job, and I had to wrestle that much feedback from them. Work your ass off for a place for four years and you get nothing.

Last year I had an interesting time of it with employment. I was hired to work as a temp for CH Robinson. Seemed decent enough. two weeks and they let me go without any explanation. I hate it when nothing is explained to you when it's a legitamate question.

I went to work for Sprint. Seemed like an alright place. Stressful though. Then when I'm a week from getting out of training they fire me. They exagerrated some bullshit that got turned into work/call avoidance. I DO NOT AVOID WORK.  Those fuckers can rot in hell. I managed to wrest unemployment from them though while I looked elsewhere. I miss the pool table in the rec area/cafateria though. Some of the people were cool too but mostly the pool table.

One day I got an unexpected call. A contracting agency out of California was headhunting per se for a position at Dell. I've never considered myself techie enough for Dell. Still I was intrigued. The paperwork was unbelievable just to get in the door.

As I once said of AT&T, this is the best and worst job I've ever had. I like the people. I like the mechanics of troubleshooting and being Mr. Answer. The learning curve is erratic and always has been though. I consider myself a tech level of 2.0 compared to some of these guys wh are clearly 10's in their field.

There are other challenges too working at Dell. I'll get into those later though.

I must wrap this up. Work tomorrow. Later

May you have the balls to follow your dreams to the end.
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