"I'm caught in the twisting of the vine..."
Well, I hadn't actually been planning on updating today... but, I think maybe I should now. Bear with me... I might ramble... and it's been many days since I've written. But, I will do the LJ cut, as always, so you don't have to stare at my nonsense on any of your Friends' pages, and you can read at your discretion.
I just need to write to have a bit of a release... even if I don't really talk about the stuff that's on my mind tonight. I don't know... writing about the last few days might at least bring me a little peace of mind.
I believe I last updated on Saturday... in an extreme fit of boredom, if you couldn't tell. Sunday was better... people started making their way back into the area, and I've had things going on ever since. Sunday evening, Bethany, Aaron, and I made the trek to IRT (Indiana Repertory Theatre) to see "Turn of the Screw." We have to write a paper about it for our Movement class. So, that was... uhhhhh... an adventure... or something. We were actually pretty... ummmm... I don't want to be mean, but... well, we didn't exactly enjoy the show so much. It was a valiant effort. It had its moments. The technical elements were mostly good... but, I was slightly disappointed by some of the acting. Rob Johansen played The Man, and I liked what he did. Then, again... I'm also slightly biased, because we worked with him on "Romeo & Juliet" a few years back. So, maybe it was just because I'm familiar with him and his talents, but I really do think he did a remarkable job. I'm always so amazed by the control that he has over his body. My main disappointment came from the actress that played The Woman. I just didn't enjoy her. I had a difficult time understanding her monologues, and it seemed like her entire performance just stayed on one level throughout the whole show. She didn't bring any sort of nuance to the character. BAH... I'm babbling way too much about this. It's totally not important. But, that's what I did on Sunday.
Monday... back to school, and... gosh - let's see: classes, rehearsal, prod. meeting... etc, etc, etc. All the usual Monday events. Oh yes... went to the doctor in the morning for a physical so I could get my health form filled out for the school... so I can actually register for my classes next semester. That was a tiny little detail that they left out until THE DAY I went to register, and they told me I couldn't until I got that form in. Well, needless to say, I've been a little busy these last few weeks, and this was my first opportunity to get to the doctor. So, I did that... I'm in seemingly good health (since I know you care...) and I had to take a TB test since I haven't had one in a good number of years. So, they jabbed that yucky needle into my arm. NO FUN!! I said it on Monday, but I'll say it again... needles are no fun unless I get a tattoo as the result of them!!
What else happened Monday? Oh yes... the theatre department Secret Santas were revealed. I was happy that Sonja liked all the little goodies that I got her. I wasn't entirely sure what to do, because I don't know her all that well, but I just used my best judgement and it seemed to work out ok. THEN... I find out that loser AMANDA was my Secret Santa!!! Hahaha. It was great. I was sitting next to her as we went around the room and revealed who we had, and she turns to me and just goes, "I had YOU!" I just gasped and yelled, "YOU DID NOT!!!" And then hit her. Hahaha. And then I hugged her. She's so great. I still can't believe that she managed to keep it a secret considering I talk to her... ummm... everyday... about everything!! But, she was one totally awesome Secret Santa. So, that was fun. I also got some bonus presents from Chris that he had been taunting me with throughout the break. Haha. I scored some major goodies in the "Twin Peaks" department. Yay fun! Thank you! (Fix me...)
I also went to dinner on Monday night with Chris, Jennette, and Chris V. So, I had fun with all those shmucks. Haha. I just had to use the word "shmuck." The plan HAD been to hit the new BW3's that's opening here on the southside, but as it turns out... they're not opening 'til this Sunday. So, we'll have to wait for that fun until next week. Instead, we went to Lone Star Steakhouse and had yummy food and good times. Afterwards, we all just hung out for a bit, but we were all pretty tired, so we called it an early evening. I came back to the apartment and passed out almost immediately.
Tuesday... ummmm... classes, then sat around talking in the theatre suite for awhile. Let's see if I can manage to remember who all was there, as I make my way around the room... Mary, Brian, Amanda, Chris, and Chris McK. It was amusing, and I'll leave it at that. From there, we made our way to dinner... ran into more people... made some exchanges... lost Brian, but picked up Evan... ended up back in the lounge at Central to spend an evening watching some funny shit. Yeah... lots of stuff I could ramble about, but I'll keep it short. The only thing I have to say is... "I LIKES IT..."
Today, some rehearsals and classes... all the usuals. Went back to the doctor to get my TB test read. All clear - since I know you all had your doubts. Then, we had the pick up rehearsal for "Stage Blood" tonight, since the second weekend of our run starts tomorrow.
Warning. WARNING. Shameless promotion is about to ensue:
"Stage Blood"
Thursday, December 4, 8:00
Friday, December 5, 8:00
Saturday, December 6, 8:00
BE THERE, you fools!! It's hilarious. And plan ahead, because tickets go QUICKLY! Anyway, so that went relatively... ummmm... well, it went. We'll just say that. It was a pick up rehearsal after being off for a week and a half, so I think it went as expected. Things got slightly interesting and stressful after the show, but I don't think I want to go into that in this venue. There are all sorts of people out there that read this, and I know from being a bit of a LiveJournal "lurker" myself back in the day... well, I just don't want to go there. There were all sorts of "thanks" being thrown around, but I don't know... I still don't feel like I did anything that was... well, I don't even know... I just don't think I did anything special. It was my natural reaction to what was going on. And, I'm still not too happy, because I didn't accomplish what I wanted to - and maybe that's why it's on my mind. I just want everyone to be ok... everyone on ALL sides. My thanks goes to Chris, because I'm glad he was there with me... and I'm glad there was someone there with me and thinking on the same level. I'm grateful that I have people in my life right now that I can talk to... we need to remember that not everyone has that same sort of support system. I'm not going into specifics, because I don't think it's my place to... especially in a very public forum. But, there were a lot of things happening on every side of this occurrence... and just... all I want to say is... be nice to each other. That's all. You never know what's going on in someone's life. And, I'm not saying that anyone was being mean, or out of place, because they weren't when stuff started happening... but sometimes, unprovoked things happen and we have to deal with it. And if you know me AT ALL, you know my stance on the events that transpired, without my having to voice it... or say what was right and what was wrong. You know what I think, you know where my heart is... and the only thing that I want to say about it is: be nice to each other. It's that simple.
Anyway, so after all the shit went down, my head was racing. Chris and I talked for a bit... sort of had a mutual understanding of the situation. We visited Emily's dorm for a bit to talk to her, Sara, and Bethany. Smoothed some things over there. Then, we left to meet up with people at Denny's. Ummmm... funniest and scariest thing happened... parked the car next to Cujo, the vicious Police dog! Hahahahaha... and that's all I have to say, because I think you had to have been there. Tee hee! Kicked back at Denny's for a bit, smoothed things over with people there, had some laughs, just tried to get on with the evening, Chris dropped me back at my car at school, and then I made my way home.
And, that's where I am now. I worked on some artistic endeavors for a bit, but then felt the need to write for a release, so I switched mediums. Usually, art is my primary focus though, and I'll probably go back to that when I'm finished here. It's my place where I can just let it all go.
Other things of note in my life right now:
My car is ready finally, but I haven't had a chance to get up to Carmel to pick it up yet, so I'm still driving around the Saturn. My dad is coming to town sometime next week. I'm not sure what day yet, but hopefully it'll work with my schedule, and I'll get to have dinner with him. He lives in Florida, and I haven't seen him since January. I used to see him many times a year, but as I've gotten older, it's become much harder. You know, I have my own life, and my own schedule now... and so it's really difficult to put both of our schedules together. But, I should be able to see him at least one night next week... so, that's exciting and stressful, all at the same time. This is the last real week of classes. I have a lot of stuff to accomplish though. Then, finals next week, and that's all for the semester. But, I also need work on my costume design for "The Lion in Winter" for ACTF. I've barely started, and we have our final checkpoint next Thursday... everything is supposed to be complete. I'll pull through, like I always do, but ummm... the procrastination is definitely in full effect right now, so there might be a couple really stressful days in there. I'm super-excited about ACTF though. I think I have we have the hottest room ever - Amanda, Kristin B., Jennette, and myself. It's going to be one huge party the entire week. Haha. And, by that, I mean... drunken fiesta!! Hehe. If you're not going, well... you should be, because you're going to be missing out. Except, I definitely think that everyone who isn't going should just road trip in for the weekend and crash on our floor! Haha.
But, generally... I'm still enjoying life. I'm just having a lot of fun these days, which I feel like I'd forgotten how to do over the last few years. That's what tells me that some of the decisions that I made were the right ones. If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have told you that it was impossible for me to be happy without certain people in my life. But, as it turns out, I think some of those people were the ones making it impossible for me to be *truly* happy. And, sometimes you just don't get that until you step away from them. But, I am having fun now, and I love you ALL! Generally speaking, my personal and social lives get better every day. Baby steps... but, I'm getting there. It takes me a long, long time to open up to people, because I've had a lot of people let me down in life. A lot of you don't know the crummy details, and I wouldn't expect you to. But, I'm so grateful that you've been willing to be patient with me and let me into your lives, despite some reluctance on my part. I've been sort of hovering near it for awhile now, but I think I might be ready to break down some of the walls I've built and let people in again... to actually start trusting people again. Trust is a HUGE issue for me. It doesn't come easily. But, I get closer to it every day. The last person that I ever really, REALLY trusted... let me down in a major way. And, when that happened... I built the walls higher and stronger than ever before. I'm working on it though, and I can't thank all of you enough for just being patient with me. I'm a work in progress...
Ok... I'm seriously going to be done now though. My pencils and paints are beckoning to me. I sat down not really knowing what I was going to write and just let it all flow. That tends to get me in trouble in the "length" department - which is super bad, since I'm horrible in that department anyway. If rambling were an Olympic sport, then I'd win the gold medal. I think I just felt the need to talk in general... just about whatever would come to me. That's what I did. Thanks for reading, if you did... hugs and kisses all over the place! I LIKES IT...!!!!
My goals for the evening:
To sleep well and have sweet, sweet dreams of happy things...
The end.
"Let's admire the pattern forming, murderous filigree - I'm caught in the twisting of the vine
Go ascend with ivy, climbing - ignore and leave for me the headstone crumbling behind
I can't help my laughter as she cries, my soul brings tears to angelic eyes
Let's amend the classic story, close it so beautifully - I'll let animosity unwind
Steal away the darkened pages, hidden so shamefully - I'll still feel the violence of the lines
I can't stand my laughter as they cry, my soul brings tears to angelic eyes
And miles away my mother cries - omnipotence, nurturing malevolence..."
--- AFI ---
I just need to write to have a bit of a release... even if I don't really talk about the stuff that's on my mind tonight. I don't know... writing about the last few days might at least bring me a little peace of mind.
I believe I last updated on Saturday... in an extreme fit of boredom, if you couldn't tell. Sunday was better... people started making their way back into the area, and I've had things going on ever since. Sunday evening, Bethany, Aaron, and I made the trek to IRT (Indiana Repertory Theatre) to see "Turn of the Screw." We have to write a paper about it for our Movement class. So, that was... uhhhhh... an adventure... or something. We were actually pretty... ummmm... I don't want to be mean, but... well, we didn't exactly enjoy the show so much. It was a valiant effort. It had its moments. The technical elements were mostly good... but, I was slightly disappointed by some of the acting. Rob Johansen played The Man, and I liked what he did. Then, again... I'm also slightly biased, because we worked with him on "Romeo & Juliet" a few years back. So, maybe it was just because I'm familiar with him and his talents, but I really do think he did a remarkable job. I'm always so amazed by the control that he has over his body. My main disappointment came from the actress that played The Woman. I just didn't enjoy her. I had a difficult time understanding her monologues, and it seemed like her entire performance just stayed on one level throughout the whole show. She didn't bring any sort of nuance to the character. BAH... I'm babbling way too much about this. It's totally not important. But, that's what I did on Sunday.
Monday... back to school, and... gosh - let's see: classes, rehearsal, prod. meeting... etc, etc, etc. All the usual Monday events. Oh yes... went to the doctor in the morning for a physical so I could get my health form filled out for the school... so I can actually register for my classes next semester. That was a tiny little detail that they left out until THE DAY I went to register, and they told me I couldn't until I got that form in. Well, needless to say, I've been a little busy these last few weeks, and this was my first opportunity to get to the doctor. So, I did that... I'm in seemingly good health (since I know you care...) and I had to take a TB test since I haven't had one in a good number of years. So, they jabbed that yucky needle into my arm. NO FUN!! I said it on Monday, but I'll say it again... needles are no fun unless I get a tattoo as the result of them!!
What else happened Monday? Oh yes... the theatre department Secret Santas were revealed. I was happy that Sonja liked all the little goodies that I got her. I wasn't entirely sure what to do, because I don't know her all that well, but I just used my best judgement and it seemed to work out ok. THEN... I find out that loser AMANDA was my Secret Santa!!! Hahaha. It was great. I was sitting next to her as we went around the room and revealed who we had, and she turns to me and just goes, "I had YOU!" I just gasped and yelled, "YOU DID NOT!!!" And then hit her. Hahaha. And then I hugged her. She's so great. I still can't believe that she managed to keep it a secret considering I talk to her... ummm... everyday... about everything!! But, she was one totally awesome Secret Santa. So, that was fun. I also got some bonus presents from Chris that he had been taunting me with throughout the break. Haha. I scored some major goodies in the "Twin Peaks" department. Yay fun! Thank you! (Fix me...)
I also went to dinner on Monday night with Chris, Jennette, and Chris V. So, I had fun with all those shmucks. Haha. I just had to use the word "shmuck." The plan HAD been to hit the new BW3's that's opening here on the southside, but as it turns out... they're not opening 'til this Sunday. So, we'll have to wait for that fun until next week. Instead, we went to Lone Star Steakhouse and had yummy food and good times. Afterwards, we all just hung out for a bit, but we were all pretty tired, so we called it an early evening. I came back to the apartment and passed out almost immediately.
Tuesday... ummmm... classes, then sat around talking in the theatre suite for awhile. Let's see if I can manage to remember who all was there, as I make my way around the room... Mary, Brian, Amanda, Chris, and Chris McK. It was amusing, and I'll leave it at that. From there, we made our way to dinner... ran into more people... made some exchanges... lost Brian, but picked up Evan... ended up back in the lounge at Central to spend an evening watching some funny shit. Yeah... lots of stuff I could ramble about, but I'll keep it short. The only thing I have to say is... "I LIKES IT..."
Today, some rehearsals and classes... all the usuals. Went back to the doctor to get my TB test read. All clear - since I know you all had your doubts. Then, we had the pick up rehearsal for "Stage Blood" tonight, since the second weekend of our run starts tomorrow.
Warning. WARNING. Shameless promotion is about to ensue:
"Stage Blood"
Thursday, December 4, 8:00
Friday, December 5, 8:00
Saturday, December 6, 8:00
BE THERE, you fools!! It's hilarious. And plan ahead, because tickets go QUICKLY! Anyway, so that went relatively... ummmm... well, it went. We'll just say that. It was a pick up rehearsal after being off for a week and a half, so I think it went as expected. Things got slightly interesting and stressful after the show, but I don't think I want to go into that in this venue. There are all sorts of people out there that read this, and I know from being a bit of a LiveJournal "lurker" myself back in the day... well, I just don't want to go there. There were all sorts of "thanks" being thrown around, but I don't know... I still don't feel like I did anything that was... well, I don't even know... I just don't think I did anything special. It was my natural reaction to what was going on. And, I'm still not too happy, because I didn't accomplish what I wanted to - and maybe that's why it's on my mind. I just want everyone to be ok... everyone on ALL sides. My thanks goes to Chris, because I'm glad he was there with me... and I'm glad there was someone there with me and thinking on the same level. I'm grateful that I have people in my life right now that I can talk to... we need to remember that not everyone has that same sort of support system. I'm not going into specifics, because I don't think it's my place to... especially in a very public forum. But, there were a lot of things happening on every side of this occurrence... and just... all I want to say is... be nice to each other. That's all. You never know what's going on in someone's life. And, I'm not saying that anyone was being mean, or out of place, because they weren't when stuff started happening... but sometimes, unprovoked things happen and we have to deal with it. And if you know me AT ALL, you know my stance on the events that transpired, without my having to voice it... or say what was right and what was wrong. You know what I think, you know where my heart is... and the only thing that I want to say about it is: be nice to each other. It's that simple.
Anyway, so after all the shit went down, my head was racing. Chris and I talked for a bit... sort of had a mutual understanding of the situation. We visited Emily's dorm for a bit to talk to her, Sara, and Bethany. Smoothed some things over there. Then, we left to meet up with people at Denny's. Ummmm... funniest and scariest thing happened... parked the car next to Cujo, the vicious Police dog! Hahahahaha... and that's all I have to say, because I think you had to have been there. Tee hee! Kicked back at Denny's for a bit, smoothed things over with people there, had some laughs, just tried to get on with the evening, Chris dropped me back at my car at school, and then I made my way home.
And, that's where I am now. I worked on some artistic endeavors for a bit, but then felt the need to write for a release, so I switched mediums. Usually, art is my primary focus though, and I'll probably go back to that when I'm finished here. It's my place where I can just let it all go.
Other things of note in my life right now:
My car is ready finally, but I haven't had a chance to get up to Carmel to pick it up yet, so I'm still driving around the Saturn. My dad is coming to town sometime next week. I'm not sure what day yet, but hopefully it'll work with my schedule, and I'll get to have dinner with him. He lives in Florida, and I haven't seen him since January. I used to see him many times a year, but as I've gotten older, it's become much harder. You know, I have my own life, and my own schedule now... and so it's really difficult to put both of our schedules together. But, I should be able to see him at least one night next week... so, that's exciting and stressful, all at the same time. This is the last real week of classes. I have a lot of stuff to accomplish though. Then, finals next week, and that's all for the semester. But, I also need work on my costume design for "The Lion in Winter" for ACTF. I've barely started, and we have our final checkpoint next Thursday... everything is supposed to be complete. I'll pull through, like I always do, but ummm... the procrastination is definitely in full effect right now, so there might be a couple really stressful days in there. I'm super-excited about ACTF though. I think I have we have the hottest room ever - Amanda, Kristin B., Jennette, and myself. It's going to be one huge party the entire week. Haha. And, by that, I mean... drunken fiesta!! Hehe. If you're not going, well... you should be, because you're going to be missing out. Except, I definitely think that everyone who isn't going should just road trip in for the weekend and crash on our floor! Haha.
But, generally... I'm still enjoying life. I'm just having a lot of fun these days, which I feel like I'd forgotten how to do over the last few years. That's what tells me that some of the decisions that I made were the right ones. If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have told you that it was impossible for me to be happy without certain people in my life. But, as it turns out, I think some of those people were the ones making it impossible for me to be *truly* happy. And, sometimes you just don't get that until you step away from them. But, I am having fun now, and I love you ALL! Generally speaking, my personal and social lives get better every day. Baby steps... but, I'm getting there. It takes me a long, long time to open up to people, because I've had a lot of people let me down in life. A lot of you don't know the crummy details, and I wouldn't expect you to. But, I'm so grateful that you've been willing to be patient with me and let me into your lives, despite some reluctance on my part. I've been sort of hovering near it for awhile now, but I think I might be ready to break down some of the walls I've built and let people in again... to actually start trusting people again. Trust is a HUGE issue for me. It doesn't come easily. But, I get closer to it every day. The last person that I ever really, REALLY trusted... let me down in a major way. And, when that happened... I built the walls higher and stronger than ever before. I'm working on it though, and I can't thank all of you enough for just being patient with me. I'm a work in progress...
Ok... I'm seriously going to be done now though. My pencils and paints are beckoning to me. I sat down not really knowing what I was going to write and just let it all flow. That tends to get me in trouble in the "length" department - which is super bad, since I'm horrible in that department anyway. If rambling were an Olympic sport, then I'd win the gold medal. I think I just felt the need to talk in general... just about whatever would come to me. That's what I did. Thanks for reading, if you did... hugs and kisses all over the place! I LIKES IT...!!!!
My goals for the evening:
To sleep well and have sweet, sweet dreams of happy things...
The end.
"Let's admire the pattern forming, murderous filigree - I'm caught in the twisting of the vine
Go ascend with ivy, climbing - ignore and leave for me the headstone crumbling behind
I can't help my laughter as she cries, my soul brings tears to angelic eyes
Let's amend the classic story, close it so beautifully - I'll let animosity unwind
Steal away the darkened pages, hidden so shamefully - I'll still feel the violence of the lines
I can't stand my laughter as they cry, my soul brings tears to angelic eyes
And miles away my mother cries - omnipotence, nurturing malevolence..."
--- AFI ---