sleeping on th couch with the aid of lorazepam 2mg
the night of discoparty 2006, i came home, and went to bed on the couch...and i sat there thinking for a bit, because it seemed like things were turning up a bit, because i felt like maybe someone liked me, but then i realized as i layed there...that it is going to take quite a bit of a guy to get me over the last one, and that is because he broke up with me so unexpectedly, and i liked him so much. and i trusted him, and i still cant really say why i did, because i dont usually trust people that way. he just seemed safe, and most people really dont feel that way to me. so now the next time when i meet someone and like them, which doesnt happen that often...there will constantly be this fear that at any moment they will be gone forever without explanation, even if things are going well.
last night i was at safeway buying alcohol for cute physics boy, who keeps popping up despite the face that the crush died like 2 years ago and i no longer think is cute or am even that good of friends with, but somehow he ended up at my house last night and i bought him booze for his party tonight, but enough of explaining why he was with me, i drove up and parked and then i saw cute boy from the registars office walking to a car a space away from me and it was like the moment i looked up, he was looking at me...and i tried to hurry and get out of the car before he could get into his, so there could possibly be an exchange of words...but it didnt happen. and he looked so cute, hed gotten a haircut. and i realized, ive had a crush on this boy for at least a year...and i only ever see him around randomly, and then when i did have a chance to at least talk with him, i totally blew it because im socially akward and besides he has a girlfriend (we think). but the thing is, i realized, if anyone could make me not think about marcus anymore, it would be him. because it seems like we look at each other in unrequited love. this could also be a total misinterpretation, he could just have a bug in his eye everytime he sees me. well no matter, i probably wont see him again for another 3 months where we will have another nonverbal episode.
ps i have housing.
pps and possibly finacial aid.
last night i was at safeway buying alcohol for cute physics boy, who keeps popping up despite the face that the crush died like 2 years ago and i no longer think is cute or am even that good of friends with, but somehow he ended up at my house last night and i bought him booze for his party tonight, but enough of explaining why he was with me, i drove up and parked and then i saw cute boy from the registars office walking to a car a space away from me and it was like the moment i looked up, he was looking at me...and i tried to hurry and get out of the car before he could get into his, so there could possibly be an exchange of words...but it didnt happen. and he looked so cute, hed gotten a haircut. and i realized, ive had a crush on this boy for at least a year...and i only ever see him around randomly, and then when i did have a chance to at least talk with him, i totally blew it because im socially akward and besides he has a girlfriend (we think). but the thing is, i realized, if anyone could make me not think about marcus anymore, it would be him. because it seems like we look at each other in unrequited love. this could also be a total misinterpretation, he could just have a bug in his eye everytime he sees me. well no matter, i probably wont see him again for another 3 months where we will have another nonverbal episode.
ps i have housing.
pps and possibly finacial aid.