Wow, well I'm back.
Its been awhile but I think I'll start updating this again. I need a place to get my thoughts out and someone to listen to them.
Its been one rough ride for me since I've lost connections from the internet. I betrayed a good friend for some ass. I went out of my way to cover it up, Lies and things of that nature. I really think I've changed my ways. Especially now that the whole Kayla thing happened to me. I experienced first hand the carnage I wrought upon a very few people. I thought I was all in love...But I wasn't it wasn't even Kayla who I was in love with I find out that it was one just big act and she was with me only for the sheer fact that she felt sorry for me. Claiming no one would like me and I'm a loser. I still think she needs to grow up....But maybe I'm the one who still has some growing up to do as well. But I think at least now I am content with the fact that this whole experience has indeed made me grow somewhat. I don't know what to do these day people. But really all I can do is try and go on with my life which I am doing. I don't think I want to move with aaron even though he is my bestfriend. I think what I want is to go do something in another state....What? I'm not even sure about that myself. I think there is a lot of things I have to think about and talk about. Mostly just want to apologize to everyone who I've wronged. Kat, Count Kyle (Yes even you fucknuts.), Kerry ( Especially you fucknuts. :)), Steph, Amy, Sarah, and definitely Steve the pirate. :( Hahah...Sorry you know me I always try and joke around.
On the note of Kayla, I want to get out all about her. I met her in a yahoo chatroom one day, She wanted to check out my cam so we cam2cam'd talked for awhile and we really hit it off or so I thought. According to her it was just a act. I don't know why she'd go out of her way so far just to do this. But soon after we started to date probably like 2-3 days? I was a little hesitant at first but I thought she was a genuinely a good person, Helping around her community and helping little kids not to mention she was absolutely gorgeous....I thought I had it made! But when it came down to meeting her the first time was great then progressively after that it just became more and more bad, We broke up like 3 times before it was final. Each time but the last I was so hurt I was reduced to nothing but tears. But the last time it actually hurt me so bad, That I indeed thought about just giving up and killing myself. Because all the love I had felt and shown was nothing, It was nothing but a joke. A trick. A very cheap trick at that. I thought about the other relationships I had. I looked at myself and realized that I really did let it happen, I let her have all the power over me, I let her do that to me. After that, I came to terms, I wasn't sad anymore. Sure I still think about her but its mostly nothing these days. I don't feel a thing for her, To me she never really existed, Because she didn't really exist I was just in love with the "Kayla" she'd shown me before and the kayla behind closed doors and away from people. I mean we sat in her room then slow danced to a song "our" song. Scar Tissue by RHCP. I still can't listen to it honestly. But I'm learning to forget. We slow danced I bent her back and gave her a kiss. She smiled and said to me "I love you baby, Don't ever leave me ok?" and I had said "I promise I won't." every time I think about this it makes me want to cry. But really, I don't care anymore I just keep that memory locked away in my heart and think about everything I went through for her and how I'm not a loser if I could go through all of what I went through and still love her. But now I'm away from that love I just have the memory of "Kayla" in my head and in my heart. I think it was karma, For what I had done to Kerry. In fact I'm sure of it. Now I know to be a good person no matter what if I want to get anything out of life. I went through so much for her, I went to a foreign country...Hung out with people I'd never even want to be around, Pierced my ear, Did whatever she wanted, Dealt with her Evil Grandmother(And omg was she evil, she was like satan incarnate, AND I SWEAR SHE WOULD NEVER DIE.), So many things I did and said and changed about myself to become the perfect boyfriend for her. But it didn't work and I understood why and how it came about. I don't care anymore I just wanted to get that all off of my chest...
Wheres some pot when you need some? hah.
Anyways, I'm back now so expect some of these from time to time.
Song I'm Listening to:
I was alone falling free,
Trying my best not to forget.
What happened to us, what happened to me,
What happened as I let it slip,
I was confused by the powers that be.
Forgetting names and faces,
Passers-by where looking at me,
As if they could erase it.
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
I was alone staring over the ledge,
Trying my best not to forget.
All manner of joy all manner of glee,
and our one heroic pledge.
How it matter to us, how it matter to me.
And the consequences, I was confused by the birds and the bees.
Forgetting if I meant it.
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
All the sex and the drugs and the complications.
All the sex and the drugs and the complications.
All the sex and the drugs and the complications.
Baaaaaybeeeeee did you forget to take your meds?!
Baaaaaybeeeeee did you forget to take your meds?!
Baaaaaybeeeeee did you forget to take your meds?!
Baaaaaybeeeeee did you forget to take your meds?!
I was alone falling free, trying my best not to forget.
"Meds" by Placebo
Its been one rough ride for me since I've lost connections from the internet. I betrayed a good friend for some ass. I went out of my way to cover it up, Lies and things of that nature. I really think I've changed my ways. Especially now that the whole Kayla thing happened to me. I experienced first hand the carnage I wrought upon a very few people. I thought I was all in love...But I wasn't it wasn't even Kayla who I was in love with I find out that it was one just big act and she was with me only for the sheer fact that she felt sorry for me. Claiming no one would like me and I'm a loser. I still think she needs to grow up....But maybe I'm the one who still has some growing up to do as well. But I think at least now I am content with the fact that this whole experience has indeed made me grow somewhat. I don't know what to do these day people. But really all I can do is try and go on with my life which I am doing. I don't think I want to move with aaron even though he is my bestfriend. I think what I want is to go do something in another state....What? I'm not even sure about that myself. I think there is a lot of things I have to think about and talk about. Mostly just want to apologize to everyone who I've wronged. Kat, Count Kyle (Yes even you fucknuts.), Kerry ( Especially you fucknuts. :)), Steph, Amy, Sarah, and definitely Steve the pirate. :( Hahah...Sorry you know me I always try and joke around.
On the note of Kayla, I want to get out all about her. I met her in a yahoo chatroom one day, She wanted to check out my cam so we cam2cam'd talked for awhile and we really hit it off or so I thought. According to her it was just a act. I don't know why she'd go out of her way so far just to do this. But soon after we started to date probably like 2-3 days? I was a little hesitant at first but I thought she was a genuinely a good person, Helping around her community and helping little kids not to mention she was absolutely gorgeous....I thought I had it made! But when it came down to meeting her the first time was great then progressively after that it just became more and more bad, We broke up like 3 times before it was final. Each time but the last I was so hurt I was reduced to nothing but tears. But the last time it actually hurt me so bad, That I indeed thought about just giving up and killing myself. Because all the love I had felt and shown was nothing, It was nothing but a joke. A trick. A very cheap trick at that. I thought about the other relationships I had. I looked at myself and realized that I really did let it happen, I let her have all the power over me, I let her do that to me. After that, I came to terms, I wasn't sad anymore. Sure I still think about her but its mostly nothing these days. I don't feel a thing for her, To me she never really existed, Because she didn't really exist I was just in love with the "Kayla" she'd shown me before and the kayla behind closed doors and away from people. I mean we sat in her room then slow danced to a song "our" song. Scar Tissue by RHCP. I still can't listen to it honestly. But I'm learning to forget. We slow danced I bent her back and gave her a kiss. She smiled and said to me "I love you baby, Don't ever leave me ok?" and I had said "I promise I won't." every time I think about this it makes me want to cry. But really, I don't care anymore I just keep that memory locked away in my heart and think about everything I went through for her and how I'm not a loser if I could go through all of what I went through and still love her. But now I'm away from that love I just have the memory of "Kayla" in my head and in my heart. I think it was karma, For what I had done to Kerry. In fact I'm sure of it. Now I know to be a good person no matter what if I want to get anything out of life. I went through so much for her, I went to a foreign country...Hung out with people I'd never even want to be around, Pierced my ear, Did whatever she wanted, Dealt with her Evil Grandmother(And omg was she evil, she was like satan incarnate, AND I SWEAR SHE WOULD NEVER DIE.), So many things I did and said and changed about myself to become the perfect boyfriend for her. But it didn't work and I understood why and how it came about. I don't care anymore I just wanted to get that all off of my chest...
Wheres some pot when you need some? hah.
Anyways, I'm back now so expect some of these from time to time.
Song I'm Listening to:
I was alone falling free,
Trying my best not to forget.
What happened to us, what happened to me,
What happened as I let it slip,
I was confused by the powers that be.
Forgetting names and faces,
Passers-by where looking at me,
As if they could erase it.
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
I was alone staring over the ledge,
Trying my best not to forget.
All manner of joy all manner of glee,
and our one heroic pledge.
How it matter to us, how it matter to me.
And the consequences, I was confused by the birds and the bees.
Forgetting if I meant it.
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
Baby? Did you forget to take your meds?
All the sex and the drugs and the complications.
All the sex and the drugs and the complications.
All the sex and the drugs and the complications.
Baaaaaybeeeeee did you forget to take your meds?!
Baaaaaybeeeeee did you forget to take your meds?!
Baaaaaybeeeeee did you forget to take your meds?!
Baaaaaybeeeeee did you forget to take your meds?!
I was alone falling free, trying my best not to forget.
"Meds" by Placebo