This is how rumors get started
While standing in line for General Admission at an Adam Lambert show, pennilesspoet17 tweets that her previous experiences with GA seating have been less than positive and recalls the time in which she "was rewarded with a Bear blowing the singer's leather strap on right in my face."
So I pondered, "What concert could this possibly be?"
Oh, it must be Coldplay.
To which I am told, no, it was an opener for Siouxsie.
So I reply, "Are you trying to tell me that Chris Martin does not in fact don a strap-on and get fellated by giant hairy men on stage? LIES! #BearBlowsChrisMartin"
Folks, those tweets are now logged forever in the Library of Congress, making it FACT!
In conclusion,
Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, was fellated on stage tonight by a large hirsute man dressed in leather biker gear during the climax of Fix You. Martin (33) donned a large leather strap-on before stepping away from his piano and swinging a light bulb suspended from the stage's overhead rigging. According to fellow concert-goers, an unidentified rotund, hairy male, referred to colloquially as a "bear," rushed the stage as if on cue, and proceeded to place the large leather phallus in his mouth resulting in mimed pleasure from the singer and shocked awe mixed with rapturous applause from the crowd of 35,000.
"I didn't realize it was anything out of the ordinary," said one man in a Slayer shirt, admittedly there only at the behest of his girlfriend, "I'm not familiar with their live show. I assumed this was why they were so popular. I mean, it can't be their music."
Many women appeared to be openly sobbing, while others just shook their heads in confusion. "Why Chris? Why?! First Gwyneth and now this?!" screamed a disheveled woman in her mid-thirties.
Upon finishing the song, the band and unidentified fellator escaped backstage as astonished fans were left with nothing but hastily taken photos and a mental image not soon to diminish.
Said one woman, "This is the greatest show I've ever been to." Those within earshot all nodded in agreement.
Martin could not be reached for comment at press time but is assumed to be laughing hysterically all the way to the bank.
And now I'm going to work.
So I pondered, "What concert could this possibly be?"
Oh, it must be Coldplay.
To which I am told, no, it was an opener for Siouxsie.
So I reply, "Are you trying to tell me that Chris Martin does not in fact don a strap-on and get fellated by giant hairy men on stage? LIES! #BearBlowsChrisMartin"
Folks, those tweets are now logged forever in the Library of Congress, making it FACT!
In conclusion,
Chris Martin, lead singer of Coldplay, was fellated on stage tonight by a large hirsute man dressed in leather biker gear during the climax of Fix You. Martin (33) donned a large leather strap-on before stepping away from his piano and swinging a light bulb suspended from the stage's overhead rigging. According to fellow concert-goers, an unidentified rotund, hairy male, referred to colloquially as a "bear," rushed the stage as if on cue, and proceeded to place the large leather phallus in his mouth resulting in mimed pleasure from the singer and shocked awe mixed with rapturous applause from the crowd of 35,000.
"I didn't realize it was anything out of the ordinary," said one man in a Slayer shirt, admittedly there only at the behest of his girlfriend, "I'm not familiar with their live show. I assumed this was why they were so popular. I mean, it can't be their music."
Many women appeared to be openly sobbing, while others just shook their heads in confusion. "Why Chris? Why?! First Gwyneth and now this?!" screamed a disheveled woman in her mid-thirties.
Upon finishing the song, the band and unidentified fellator escaped backstage as astonished fans were left with nothing but hastily taken photos and a mental image not soon to diminish.
Said one woman, "This is the greatest show I've ever been to." Those within earshot all nodded in agreement.
Martin could not be reached for comment at press time but is assumed to be laughing hysterically all the way to the bank.
And now I'm going to work.