Because you want to know what's going on in my life, right?
I did something I was very proud of recently. I called a guy out on his bullshit. I was interested in this guy, thought he was interested in me, blah blah the usual. That's not so remarkable. What I was proud of is the way I confronted him when he continued to flirt with me after we fooled around but not ask me out. He gave me the oldest, lamest excuse in the book. The "I'm busy" excuse. I told him "look, I'm not 12 years old anymore, I know what that means. Are you interested in me or not?" When he told me he wasn't, I told him he wasted my time. I've never been that blunt and upfront before. Then, because he still had my scrabble game at his house, I asked him to give it back to me. I further told him that it was a shitty thing to do, and he shouldn't have hooked up with me if he wasn't interested. He apologized and asked if we could still be friends. I told him I'd have to think about it first. He asked me it wasn't out of line to give me a hug. I was like "okayyyyy..." but I hugged him back. Eh, I'm not going to contact him.
Last sunday I had the most intense bought of missing my mom. Like, it hit me how bad I miss her and want to talk to her. I've gone weeks sometimes without thinking about her, and then all of a sudden it hit me really hard. I don't know if her anniversary had something to do with it, I'm sure it affected me though. I had a long crying jag and I wanted to call someone but it was midnight and I didn't want to wake anyone up. I snatched my copy of "The Year of Magical Thinking", which has been sitting for over a year on my shelf. I thought the time has come for me to read it. I need to read this. I cried right through the first 24 pages, despite her rather restrained writing style, which still perfectly captures the feelings and motions of grief. It felt cleansing to read it, to have the perspective of someone who's gone through what I've gone through, to have her emotions so perfectly echo my own. Even though her grief is over a dead husband and mine's over a dead mother.
I've had dreams lately where I feel can feel her arms wrapped tightly around me, they're so vivid and real that I can almost still feel them when I wake up.
On my bookshelf I have three books that she bought me that I still haven't read yet. Two of them are Dean Koontz books, which I was really into in grade school. I'm reading one of them now, and the writing is so awful, but I feel compelled to finish them because I feel obligated to read it since she bought it for me, even though that's the stupidest reason in the world for reading a book. The other one is "Orlando", by Virigina Woolf. It is a semi-autobigoraphical/semi fictional account of a woman who changes genders. I wonder if she knew what it was about when she bought it for me.
Change of subject.
I am overjoyed that my lover, Robert Downey Jr. was nominated for an Oscar for "Tropic Thunder"! I know he doesnt have a chance in hell of winning because he's up against a dead dude(Heath Ledger) but I'm just excited that he's nominated. As much as I love my RDJ, I admit that Heath deserves it more.
I am dying to go to Powell's books in Oregon, AKA BOOK HEAVEN. I've wanted to visit for years now. I'm just throwing this out there: if anyone wants to come on a road trip with me over President's Day/Valentine's day weekend February 13-16, PLEASE let me know. We can split the cost of gas and for anyone in the bay area, I can just come and pick you up.
That way I'm doing something fun and worthwhile with my weekend instead of worrying about shitty Valentine's day and the fact that I probably won't have a date. But who cares because we'll be too busy going on a BAD ASS ROADTRIP and camping out at Powell's the whole day. I'm serious about the camping out part. I will bring my sleeping bag, some food, camp out in the bookstore, probably forever. You'll have to pry me away with a crowbar to get me to leave that place.
Last sunday I had the most intense bought of missing my mom. Like, it hit me how bad I miss her and want to talk to her. I've gone weeks sometimes without thinking about her, and then all of a sudden it hit me really hard. I don't know if her anniversary had something to do with it, I'm sure it affected me though. I had a long crying jag and I wanted to call someone but it was midnight and I didn't want to wake anyone up. I snatched my copy of "The Year of Magical Thinking", which has been sitting for over a year on my shelf. I thought the time has come for me to read it. I need to read this. I cried right through the first 24 pages, despite her rather restrained writing style, which still perfectly captures the feelings and motions of grief. It felt cleansing to read it, to have the perspective of someone who's gone through what I've gone through, to have her emotions so perfectly echo my own. Even though her grief is over a dead husband and mine's over a dead mother.
I've had dreams lately where I feel can feel her arms wrapped tightly around me, they're so vivid and real that I can almost still feel them when I wake up.
On my bookshelf I have three books that she bought me that I still haven't read yet. Two of them are Dean Koontz books, which I was really into in grade school. I'm reading one of them now, and the writing is so awful, but I feel compelled to finish them because I feel obligated to read it since she bought it for me, even though that's the stupidest reason in the world for reading a book. The other one is "Orlando", by Virigina Woolf. It is a semi-autobigoraphical/semi fictional account of a woman who changes genders. I wonder if she knew what it was about when she bought it for me.
Change of subject.
I am overjoyed that my lover, Robert Downey Jr. was nominated for an Oscar for "Tropic Thunder"! I know he doesnt have a chance in hell of winning because he's up against a dead dude(Heath Ledger) but I'm just excited that he's nominated. As much as I love my RDJ, I admit that Heath deserves it more.
I am dying to go to Powell's books in Oregon, AKA BOOK HEAVEN. I've wanted to visit for years now. I'm just throwing this out there: if anyone wants to come on a road trip with me over President's Day/Valentine's day weekend February 13-16, PLEASE let me know. We can split the cost of gas and for anyone in the bay area, I can just come and pick you up.
That way I'm doing something fun and worthwhile with my weekend instead of worrying about shitty Valentine's day and the fact that I probably won't have a date. But who cares because we'll be too busy going on a BAD ASS ROADTRIP and camping out at Powell's the whole day. I'm serious about the camping out part. I will bring my sleeping bag, some food, camp out in the bookstore, probably forever. You'll have to pry me away with a crowbar to get me to leave that place.