(no subject)
Ok...Let me see...Do I really want to post this on the net?
I guess, I mean it doesn't really matter how I went about things. What matters is how I am going to go about things from now on. It's very weird because I have a lot of guys around me, yet I can't really be mushy with any of them. Padideh said something tonight when we are at Ed's: "I have too much respect for myself to let people hurt me." She is right. I am a lot better then this. Today he told me about this girl on his camping trip and all I could do was swim as fast as I could until I couldn't breath anymore. I think I swam more today then I did when I was on the swim team. He is over me, why can't I just do the same. I mean I'm over the fact that he is not mine. I get it, yet I'm not ready to be anyone else's. The past couple of nights all I wanted was someone here to cuddle with, yet no one seems appealing. I think about it and I can't see myself with anyone of the guys around me right now. I can't even cuddle with them. I might say "Yes I am going back to five guys a month," but I can't. I just can't. I need to be more like my aunt. She is more logical then emotional. It's the same thing with Padideh. That's the way I used to be before CG came in the picture. I don't know when I started being so emotional. When you are logical, the chances of you getting hurt is a lot less. So I'm taking that approach from now on. I don't know how my life is going to be in two weeks. When school starts things are going to be a lot more different. The more time passes the more I feel like I don't have emotions. It was about two weeks that I didn't feel anything. I was getting worried. Today I learned I do have emotions and I am not completely dead. How will I ever be able to trust anyone with my heart again? I sit and I think about all the shit I did. I wasn't that great of a girl friend. In fact I was a very bad one. He had the right to act the way he did. It makes sense. I give him props... He got himself out of it. Hey you live and learn. If I ever have a boy friend again, I know how to treat him. I will never do half the shit I did to CG to him. I'm surprised he stayed with me for so long. Oh well... It's all over! I have been listening to some old song which fit my status perfectly, hoping they might help. I guess only time will tell.
For now there is a new guy at work, he is 21, kind of cute, mixed of everything you can think of, and his name is Bo. According to Jurgen, my other co-worker (hot body), he likes me. I don't know. I don't see why. I'm so used to being friends with guys that I can't tell anything any more. I don't think there is anything going on with Bobby, Rodney's co-worker. There is also Shane and Andrew. I know I can't look at Andrew like that. He is too good, I'm just going to corrupt him and I don't want to do that. Shane, I'm just going to end up hurting him. The only other person is Borna, but I don't think I can EVER be like that with him. I just can't see him like that. As for my Xs, I have decided I am trying to move forward in my life. I don't know what I want, so I am going to hold off until I know exactly what I want. I just hope my love life takes a turn for the better. It has been along time since I've done anything with anyone, I don't feel like I have the need to. When I was with cg, after a week of no kisses, I wanted to kill myself. But now I don't feel jack shit, except I want to cuddle and I can't find anyone I want to cuddle with, it kind of sucks. Tonight Rod and this person were cuddling and so were Padideh and Ed, I just sat there and watched a japanese movie with naked women in it. Not only did I not have anyone to cuddle with, I didn't understand the movie!
Last night I read a quote which grabbed my attention: "The way you see the problem is the problem." It is so true!!! Maybe CG moving on was the best thing to happened to me, it's all the in the way I look at it. I need to go to Bonyan or Outward Bound. My parents are going to send me to a psychologist. It should be every interesting.
Now about my health... Oh everything is wrong with me, my knee is getting worst. I have a piece of glass in my foot so the Dr. is freezing my foot every week for it to come out. There is a lot of other things wrong, which I don't think I should post up. My shoulder is in a lot of pain. But it should all get better by the end of next month. If not oh well, it eventually will, if not oh well, no one really cares. I can only think about three or four people who would care outside my family. It's 5:45 AM and I can't sleep, but I have to so if you read this comment, I have a strong feeling I won't be receiving any comments.
I guess, I mean it doesn't really matter how I went about things. What matters is how I am going to go about things from now on. It's very weird because I have a lot of guys around me, yet I can't really be mushy with any of them. Padideh said something tonight when we are at Ed's: "I have too much respect for myself to let people hurt me." She is right. I am a lot better then this. Today he told me about this girl on his camping trip and all I could do was swim as fast as I could until I couldn't breath anymore. I think I swam more today then I did when I was on the swim team. He is over me, why can't I just do the same. I mean I'm over the fact that he is not mine. I get it, yet I'm not ready to be anyone else's. The past couple of nights all I wanted was someone here to cuddle with, yet no one seems appealing. I think about it and I can't see myself with anyone of the guys around me right now. I can't even cuddle with them. I might say "Yes I am going back to five guys a month," but I can't. I just can't. I need to be more like my aunt. She is more logical then emotional. It's the same thing with Padideh. That's the way I used to be before CG came in the picture. I don't know when I started being so emotional. When you are logical, the chances of you getting hurt is a lot less. So I'm taking that approach from now on. I don't know how my life is going to be in two weeks. When school starts things are going to be a lot more different. The more time passes the more I feel like I don't have emotions. It was about two weeks that I didn't feel anything. I was getting worried. Today I learned I do have emotions and I am not completely dead. How will I ever be able to trust anyone with my heart again? I sit and I think about all the shit I did. I wasn't that great of a girl friend. In fact I was a very bad one. He had the right to act the way he did. It makes sense. I give him props... He got himself out of it. Hey you live and learn. If I ever have a boy friend again, I know how to treat him. I will never do half the shit I did to CG to him. I'm surprised he stayed with me for so long. Oh well... It's all over! I have been listening to some old song which fit my status perfectly, hoping they might help. I guess only time will tell.
For now there is a new guy at work, he is 21, kind of cute, mixed of everything you can think of, and his name is Bo. According to Jurgen, my other co-worker (hot body), he likes me. I don't know. I don't see why. I'm so used to being friends with guys that I can't tell anything any more. I don't think there is anything going on with Bobby, Rodney's co-worker. There is also Shane and Andrew. I know I can't look at Andrew like that. He is too good, I'm just going to corrupt him and I don't want to do that. Shane, I'm just going to end up hurting him. The only other person is Borna, but I don't think I can EVER be like that with him. I just can't see him like that. As for my Xs, I have decided I am trying to move forward in my life. I don't know what I want, so I am going to hold off until I know exactly what I want. I just hope my love life takes a turn for the better. It has been along time since I've done anything with anyone, I don't feel like I have the need to. When I was with cg, after a week of no kisses, I wanted to kill myself. But now I don't feel jack shit, except I want to cuddle and I can't find anyone I want to cuddle with, it kind of sucks. Tonight Rod and this person were cuddling and so were Padideh and Ed, I just sat there and watched a japanese movie with naked women in it. Not only did I not have anyone to cuddle with, I didn't understand the movie!
Last night I read a quote which grabbed my attention: "The way you see the problem is the problem." It is so true!!! Maybe CG moving on was the best thing to happened to me, it's all the in the way I look at it. I need to go to Bonyan or Outward Bound. My parents are going to send me to a psychologist. It should be every interesting.
Now about my health... Oh everything is wrong with me, my knee is getting worst. I have a piece of glass in my foot so the Dr. is freezing my foot every week for it to come out. There is a lot of other things wrong, which I don't think I should post up. My shoulder is in a lot of pain. But it should all get better by the end of next month. If not oh well, it eventually will, if not oh well, no one really cares. I can only think about three or four people who would care outside my family. It's 5:45 AM and I can't sleep, but I have to so if you read this comment, I have a strong feeling I won't be receiving any comments.