(no subject)

[jiffaroo682]

So basically, the main reason for this post is to apologize to all of my friends. Lately I've been boring, sad, on edge, and sometimes even rude. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff at home, and trying to carry the stress from school ontop of that is really becoming difficult. If I haven't been as cheerful lately, or have ignored something you said/did, or done something mean. I apologize a thousand times. I haven't been relatively close to myself lately. All I do is walk around feeling like I'm about to burst into tears, and then I get happy for a while and start acting like my crazy self, and then it all comes crashing back down again so fast. And it's like I forget what it's like to feel happy. Sometimes I feel like it would just be easier to fucking shoot myself in the head and call it quits. I've been meaning to talk to my physcologist again, because I know I need to. But it's really fucking hard to find the courage to tell my parents that I'm depressed again, because I know they'll throw it back in my face when she's drunk and he's being himself. I'm going to write a note and tell my mom that her and I need to talk, without my dad or my sister around. Then I have to tell her. And if she throws it back in my face well then fuck her. I've been talking to Mrs. Rashid a lot lately, and she's given me a lot of courage and support, which I am extremely thankful for. I'm going to be going to "alateen" meetings now, behind my parents' backs of course, which will be difficult to do, but I still need to. I appreciate all of the support and help from my friends as well. Especially Marissa. Thank you so much dear. I know I've been lame lately. I haven't been talkative, or funny, and I know that when friends act like that it gets everyone down. And I apologize for putting you through that. Thank you to everyone who has given me a hug in the hall, or been there to comfort me or talk at any second. It helps so much. I don't know where I would be without all of you and lately I guess I've been lacking thankfullness towards you. And I realize that. And I'm sorry.

I love you all, and I'm sorry about how I've been acting towards everyone lately. Know that I love you more than anything and that I hope you understand ♥