my fandom habits: an exercise in frustration
It's going to be a fun year and a quarter before Thor2 comes out, for all the ficcing and flailing over hiddles and head-canon and fixits, but I know my fannish mind is fighting with my canon brain, which says:
1. Much as I ultimately love Thor/Loki, in Thor Loki was all about his massive Odin!feels, and the lying and his world not making sense, and if sweeping bro off the face of existence will make it make sense, he will. (not super secret wangsty Thorki)
<--- 1.1 But, but!!! he still has the real "why didn't you tell me" talk with his Mom, who says she loves his w00bie!blue!self anyway. Ergo, it's the only post-secret tie that holds. With Thor, it's all, I'm not your brother, nyah!
1.2 And honestly, siblings who don't get along just despise the hell out of each other to be bigger and better in front of Dad/Mom. (again, RL kills all my Thorki feels)
2. In Avengers, sane happy real life me loves the amazing shiny TEAM. With the Team sniping, and the Team playing, and the Team eating, and hanging out in the Team tower. But Loki doesn't play with the team, worse than Tony, who actually reallly loves Teaming, because he is shiny and bling, too. Like the epitome of TEAM.
<--- 2.1 Sadly, I cannot read Steve/Tony, no matter how good the fic is. I tried. A lot. I like me some Tony/Pepper, though. Or really some freaked-out-and-liking-it Tony/Natasha.
*shakes head* anyway, moving on....
3. Loki playing with the Team is like Loki buddying around with the W3 and Sif, and while I like a good fic about lols-in-Asgard, really, not happening. Thanks head!canon, for a whole bunch of nothing.
4. So, while I deeply crave all the Loki fics, Loki is just going to keep on blowing up the world that a) doesn't make sense anymore (because it is cracked) and b) he is going to punish it for being cracked (i.e. if you're broken on the inside, hell, I'm gonna break you up on the outside) and c) he's going to kick it some more for witnessing his colossal failure to blow it up. Ad infinitum
5. Ergo, no make-it-all-better fixits fics will really fix the Loki Problem. Except silly, wordy, feels better now therapy fics.
5.1 Which, by the nature of therapy fics, will try to fix the lashing out crazy, don't care how many end up as collateral damage, godling!fury, which, in a psycho breath of fresh air way is exactly what I like about Loki.
6. Because he really appeals to my inner blow-up-the-world Tuesdays.
7. But six days out of seven I want shiny Team, and for the world to just hum along nicely with bits of spicy and relationships. And Tuesdays just don't like the other days, and doesn't do 'pretend' bad. Even when I really really want it to.
Though not at the expense of w00bification. Unless it's with Spiderman. shutup.
So, it's back to pain and anguish and not making Loki happy (good for fic, bad for my heart), and feeling ants-in-my-pants because he doesn't get to be one of the Avengers (again, good for fic, bad for my heart). lrr.
Anyway, I guess this kind of 'doesn't fit/ it doesn't work/ when you fix it, it's all wrong' is the annoyance/fascination that lights up all my fandom buttons for months.
- Journey into Mystery so doesn't count because a) it's so not going to happen in film!verse and b) if it does, they can't de-age Hiddles to play it. Damn.
1. Much as I ultimately love Thor/Loki, in Thor Loki was all about his massive Odin!feels, and the lying and his world not making sense, and if sweeping bro off the face of existence will make it make sense, he will. (not super secret wangsty Thorki)
<--- 1.1 But, but!!! he still has the real "why didn't you tell me" talk with his Mom, who says she loves his w00bie!blue!self anyway. Ergo, it's the only post-secret tie that holds. With Thor, it's all, I'm not your brother, nyah!
1.2 And honestly, siblings who don't get along just despise the hell out of each other to be bigger and better in front of Dad/Mom. (again, RL kills all my Thorki feels)
2. In Avengers, sane happy real life me loves the amazing shiny TEAM. With the Team sniping, and the Team playing, and the Team eating, and hanging out in the Team tower. But Loki doesn't play with the team, worse than Tony, who actually reallly loves Teaming, because he is shiny and bling, too. Like the epitome of TEAM.
<--- 2.1 Sadly, I cannot read Steve/Tony, no matter how good the fic is. I tried. A lot. I like me some Tony/Pepper, though. Or really some freaked-out-and-liking-it Tony/Natasha.
*shakes head* anyway, moving on....
3. Loki playing with the Team is like Loki buddying around with the W3 and Sif, and while I like a good fic about lols-in-Asgard, really, not happening. Thanks head!canon, for a whole bunch of nothing.
4. So, while I deeply crave all the Loki fics, Loki is just going to keep on blowing up the world that a) doesn't make sense anymore (because it is cracked) and b) he is going to punish it for being cracked (i.e. if you're broken on the inside, hell, I'm gonna break you up on the outside) and c) he's going to kick it some more for witnessing his colossal failure to blow it up. Ad infinitum
5. Ergo, no make-it-all-better fixits fics will really fix the Loki Problem. Except silly, wordy, feels better now therapy fics.
5.1 Which, by the nature of therapy fics, will try to fix the lashing out crazy, don't care how many end up as collateral damage, godling!fury, which, in a psycho breath of fresh air way is exactly what I like about Loki.
6. Because he really appeals to my inner blow-up-the-world Tuesdays.
7. But six days out of seven I want shiny Team, and for the world to just hum along nicely with bits of spicy and relationships. And Tuesdays just don't like the other days, and doesn't do 'pretend' bad. Even when I really really want it to.
Though not at the expense of w00bification. Unless it's with Spiderman. shutup.
So, it's back to pain and anguish and not making Loki happy (good for fic, bad for my heart), and feeling ants-in-my-pants because he doesn't get to be one of the Avengers (again, good for fic, bad for my heart). lrr.
Anyway, I guess this kind of 'doesn't fit/ it doesn't work/ when you fix it, it's all wrong' is the annoyance/fascination that lights up all my fandom buttons for months.
- Journey into Mystery so doesn't count because a) it's so not going to happen in film!verse and b) if it does, they can't de-age Hiddles to play it. Damn.