(Untitled)

[jiasachan]

Ahahaha. Totally managed to forget that it's National Coming Out Day today.

In light of that, for those of you who haven't picked up on this yet, I haven't the faintest idea. I like boys. I'm still not clear on the subject of girls. I don't worry about it much, since I know it's pretty much a non-issue either way for everyone whose opinion

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[jiasachan]

I dunno, my friend Matt said he's sort of known forever -- I mean, since he was, like, six. Before he was really sexually aware. He didn't know what it was, but he was aware of something. Which makes sense to me, and occasionally I think I remember feeling the same, but then I'm not sure, because I don't remember much before the age of twelve or so, really. I keep forgetting that the Kinsey scale isn't as widely known as I think it is. XD It's a continuum of sexuality -- 0 through 6, 0 being totally heterosexual and 6 being totally homosexual, making 3 dead-center bisexual. It's very helpful for helping explain to people that there aren't just three sexual orientations and it's much more complicated than that, but if you listen to my dad there's a lot more to it than that, even. Which make sense to me, but then it gets into confusing details about homosexuality vs. homosociality, and it's way over my head.
Seriously. Even if someone has reservations about homosexuality, I don't see how they could ever, ever mistreat their own child the way some people do -- but I guess some people are just so hateful, or so frightened, that they're completely incapable of even trying to understand. And sometimes I find it depressing that I'm the one who ended up with this wonderful, accepting family when I've only the tiniest need of it, and so many of my friends are stuck with parents who can't deal with learning that their child isn't completely heterosexual/cisgendered and such. One of my friends is trans, and her parents still call her "Matt" and won't let her wear women's clothing to family gatherings, even though she's out to her extended family, too. -- "Confused" works. XD I know what you mean, though -- it's hard to tell sometimes if a crush or something's incidental, or actually related to your orientation at all.

That's okay. XD I think I'm getting up early tomorrow to study. Hopefully I'll manage all right.

[rainbowjehan]

Really? Maybe--maybe that makes a lot of sense, actually. I don't know. Some people are just interesting in sex a lot earlier than other people, too, certainly. --Ooooh. Okay. That's nice. I'm probably a two on the Kinsey scale, then, or probably will be when I get older. And--yes. ^^ I wouldn't know where to begin...! --Yes. I know. But some people just do, just--completely ostracise people--I feel the same way sometimes. I could be just fine with a conservative insane family because I'm probably just going to grow up and marry a nice man and have lots of squishy babies any way. Other people could definitely use my fabulous, thoughtful, accepting family. It's not really very fair. ...Agh. No. That's just--that's denial. Denial is not good for anyone. Look what it did to King Arthur. ^_~ --Yes! Exactly! Because my Mum also says that most girls get girlcrushes naturally while they're growing up; she's perfectly straight, but when she was a girl she had a huge girlcrush, and used to write the girl's name all over her binder and things like that. ^_^

Good luck! <333333 How did it go?

[jiasachan]

That's true, too. And then there are those innocent first kid-crushes, where it's all about wanting to be close to somebody and you haven't even the faintest idea what it means. I was actually interested in sex very early on, in a "wait-what-how-does-that-work" way, because new ideas were something I wanted to latch onto and know everything about -- so my parents realized they didn't really have to explain to me where babies came from, they could just slip a book on my shelf and wait for me to find it instead. XD And later I got the "One problem with that book -- it's where babies come from, but that kind of thing isn't just about babies and it isn't just men and women, and that's okay" explanation, too. So I was the little girl who asked awkward questions a lot, because it was all so weird and new and interesting. -- This is the problem I run into. I like the Kinsey scale because it acknowledges that there are variations and all, but I don't actually know where on it I fall. XD I mean, seriously, it's somewhere between 1 and 4 and that's the most specific I can seem to get. -- My mom once said she thought some parents had trouble accepting it because they realized what a hard time their kid would have, but that only really covers people who ask questions like, "Are you sure?" and such -- not people who are outright cruel and tell them they're wrong. -- See, a very conservative family might find me odd, because I don't really have any interest in marriage or kids. I'm not against commitment (I can only take so much of children, though) but for some reason marriage makes me go "Avoid, avoid!" XD But I've so far only dated/omg-are-they-or-aren't-they-ed guys, and so at least it wouldn't have been an issue yet, though it might've been later. Whereas one of my friends had her parents sit her down and ask, "Are you gay? Because if you are, you need to tell us so we can figure out where we went wrong" once, and it's just . . . augh. (And the King Arthur reference means you win life -- or today, at the very least. Hee.) -- Yeesss. Most everyone has something like that, it seems, so it's really hard to know.
Thank you! It went surprisingly well! I'm pretty sure I didn't fail, and that I'll actually end up with a fairly respectable score. :D

[rainbowjehan]

Yes! See, my first crush on Taira was like that. Unfortunately, she had an actual crush on me. ^^;;; That went downhill very quickly. It is also how I got my first kiss. ...Is this getting TMI? I don't remember how interested in sex I was as a kid, but I know in the last couple of years I've been trying to find things out. I got sex ed last year, for the firs time in my life. O_O Waen, on the other hand, leaves the room at the first mention of anything even vaguely sexual. She also does not plan to get married, EVER, and definitely no kids. ^^ -- Well, that works, sort of. It'll probably get clearer when you get older, and maybe it won't, because yeeek, some things never do get clear. But with luck, it will get clearer, if not within a few years. -- Yes. Yes. Which I have heard tell of a great deal, actual, and which makes me wince and wibble a lot. -- A very conservative family would love me. XD I actually can't stand other people's children, but it's not a hatred, just not an infatuation. I just assume that when I have babies of my own I will think they are beautiful. I also do assume I will be married (I want to be married; since one of my biggest phobias is being forgotten about, I may very well have a nervous breakdown if I am not living with someone--and, um, I do have purer reasons than that...! but). Yet I have never dated or been in a relationship with anyone, except that I think Miss Kylee and I may be going together. In a chaste, long-distance, write-each-other-love-notes kind of way. ^^;;; ...And. Gah. Yes. That's just--but at the same time, I know a tonne of people whose families have said that about things not sexuality related. A lot of the girls in my support group say that their families are ashamed of them because of their eating disorders, if you can believe that. Sandra's family has pretty much ostracised her. I think maybe sometimes parents just can't deal with things. (^__^! Go me!) -- Exactly. ^_^

Oh, good. <3333 I shall cheer like a cheerleader.

[jiasachan]

I don't know? I have different TMI boundaries from many people, I think. But I'm odd like that. I think it's because a lot of things that are supposed to be personal and special to most people just . . . weren't, for me. My first kiss consisted of a girl I barely knew grabsnogging me in a hot tub at a party and then apologising frantically when she found out it was my first kiss. XDD So I don't consider kissing a special/not-to-be-spoken-of subject -- just something that happens and can be nice if it works out the right way. -- Well, theoretically I've adopted an "I don't much care, whatever it turns out to be" standpoint, so we'll see if I manage to stick to that idea or get really annoyed about it. XD -- It seems to work that way for a lot of people. That's what my dad always tells me, anyway, that he doesn't like other people's children much (unless they're spectacularly well-behaved) but he turned to goo inside at my brothers and I. I don't know about living alone, but I at least need a space of my own, as dorm life has taught me. And aww, that's sweet. :) More people ought to write love notes. -- That's true. Which is really sad, because in the case of an ED it seems like it'd be so important to have that support system, and not have people just making the person feel worse about things. (*hands over day with a pretty ribbon. :D*)

^_^

[rainbowjehan]

Okay. I just meant--never mind. ^_^;; It seems TMI to me just because of the circumstances; we were basically roleplaying in person and our characters were supposed to kiss and she ended up kind of making out with me. -- That works, too! :D -- Yes, yes, see? So I figure I will be that way. I like cuddling things, too...! ^___^ -Space is a very good thing--it's not a matter of space as much. It's just that I am terrified terrified terrified of being forgotten. I have a lot of difficulty making friends, and my livejournal group has been the first real friends, and that means I have a lot of anxiety about you people forgetting all about me. ^^ Especially when, say, I go on vacation. I have to be doing a lot of other things on vacation or I start to have mini-hysterics of being forgot about. That's why I think it will be necessary for me to have a life partner of some kind. Also, love notes are wonderful, both to write and to get. ^__^ -- Yeesss. There are a lot of extra weirdnesses with an ED, but it is essentially the same sort of lack of support when you really need it. (^_____________________^)

[jiasachan]

Oh, see, it wouldn't occur to me that something of that sort might be TMI. XD I'm just sort of -- comfortable with most things people are comfortable telling, I guess? -- Yes, that makes sense, I think -- wanting somebody to be nearby. (And I know just saying so won't necessarily make it easy to believe, but -- you won't be forgotten. Promise.) And I imagine they would be. :D -- It just seems like one of those things where, when somebody's going to need help to get through things, it doesn't seem at all right to treat them like they're something to be ashamed of, or like they've done something wrong.

[rainbowjehan]

I have a sneaking suspicion it wouldn't be TMI if it were someone saying it to me, but since it's me saying it, it is. XD -- Yes. I mean, it will not be purely superficial; I will love that person very much; but I will need that person to be there. (Promise?) ^___^ --Because that won't help them at all, and as much as you need to protect yourself by disassociation, if the person is hurt or lost it will--be immensely tragic for both of you, and unfair for both of you, as well. It's better to hold together when things are confused.

[jiasachan]

XD -- Yes. Yes, that makes quite a lot of sense. (Promise.) -- Precisely. I just can't imagine creating that kind of gap with a loved one. It'd be awful.

[rainbowjehan]

^^ -- Oh, good, it makes sense. ^_^! (Thank you. *clings*) -- It would be. I sort of think it's important for the future of the human race that we do hold together in a confused, tragic situation. We hold each other up.

[jiasachan]

Exactly. People can be very independent, but we're still programmed to rely on eachother, to a certain extent -- people need people, and they need to feel loved, and accepted, and when that need is fulfilled they can do a lot more good in the world when things are wrong.

[rainbowjehan]

Exactly. Oh, exactly. ♥