(no subject)
I only work two days this week, today and tomorrow, and then Friday I fly to Santa Cruz. I am feeling a lot of feelings about this upcoming race. The biggest one is OMG CAN IT JUST BE DONE ALREADY?!, which is I imagine how I'm going to feel for most of the race itself. Here's the thing. I've put in the training and I know I can do it, so I'm not worried that I'll fail. I'm worried fairly certain that I'm going to hate it. I have never enjoyed running. I enjoy that I CAN run. I know I will enjoy the accomplishment and feel awesome about that. But in all my training, I have never found that love for the sport that so many runners boast. It's just not in me. The thing is...I don't love any fitness. Biking is probably my favorite, but working out in general is hard and not enjoyable. But I enjoy the rewards, and I intend to keep doing it forever. I just don't want to be one of those insufferable people who gushes about how much they love it, because I don't, and I know I'd feel a lot better about myself if other people were more honest about how much they hate working out, too. (Well, lots of people are, and they don't work out -- I'd like to hear from the ones who do work out but still hate it.) It sometimes feels a lot like a mom with post-partum depression. Everyone else is talking about what a blessing parenthood is while you're just drowning and feeling wretched about it. Obviously it's not that serious, but the point is so many people talk about how much they love to work out and I have to say I'm fucking jealous. I wish I loved to work out, because I love the way I look and feel when I'm keeping it up...but I've tried so many different methods (running, swimming, biking, sports, classes, etc) and it's become like this loveless marriage. I'm just staying in it for the clothes.
Okay that turned bitchy in a hurry. I just wanted to put it out there honestly how I feel, because I know how hard it can be to read about someone else's [successful] fitness programs. Some people really do love it, and that makes it a lot easier for them, I guess. I wish I was one of those people, but oh well. I'm still a chubby sloth on the inside.
I appreciate all the words of encouragement leading up to this race, and I REALLY appreciate all the folks who are coming to join me in it. The trip WILL be fun. As for the race? Everyone tells me I'll enjoy it. I wish I could believe that. I don't, but I'm trying to stay positive anyway. In four days, it'll be in my past. Wow. And then I have 30 to freak out about :)
Okay that turned bitchy in a hurry. I just wanted to put it out there honestly how I feel, because I know how hard it can be to read about someone else's [successful] fitness programs. Some people really do love it, and that makes it a lot easier for them, I guess. I wish I was one of those people, but oh well. I'm still a chubby sloth on the inside.
I appreciate all the words of encouragement leading up to this race, and I REALLY appreciate all the folks who are coming to join me in it. The trip WILL be fun. As for the race? Everyone tells me I'll enjoy it. I wish I could believe that. I don't, but I'm trying to stay positive anyway. In four days, it'll be in my past. Wow. And then I have 30 to freak out about :)