99 problems
I have never felt so beaten, and abused as I am right now. I just want to scream, want to move to tibet and live with buddist monks, isolated from everything else...I'm not one to explode with emotion, or wine about everything, but right now everything is hitting me at once. Realizations, drama, immense amounts of work, and lack of time to relax are just beating me into the ground and I feel small, and alone.
School is a monster. Yes this is my hardest semester and it will be over in 2 months, but I was burnt out about 3 weeks ago. It's not that the material is hard, it's that there are a million things to do, remember, calculate, document that my mind is on overload, and I make stupid mistakes which are costing me dearly. I want good grades. I need them. Not just because I want to go to grad school, or want a damn good job, but to show that i'm not stupid, that I DO understand the material, but I am doomed to always make some mistake which knocks me down a peg. Today I studied hard for my Control Systems test and I think I did damn well, but the professor made it that easy. Lately I have been having tests where no one finishes in time, and the class average is a 40...My Solid Mechanics teacher is a dick, only cares about derivations and nothing applied, writes them on the board, then when we take a quiz over them, we get most of it wrong because he left stuff out and didnt tell us. My lab reports take 7-10 hrs minimum and im still getting Cs to Bs, although im definatly not alone in the class, and the upcoming wind tunnel report will be 15hrs +...I hate sitting for long periods of time, doing mindless calculations and formatting..I LOATH it.
One of my friends in class has suddenly said im mean and is going at great lengths to ignore me. Ive been hanging out with her since last semester and she all of a sudden she takes joking personally, or something. Not even her best friend knows exactly why. Then she acts nice to me, then calls me mean again when I try to explain something painfully obvious to her, and i swaer to god my tone is not belittling. If i make a comment im usually joking with her cause thats how I am, but apparently she doesnt know who I am and takes everything the wrong way. The minute I realized this I turned to her and said she is acting like a girl I knew, and was close to, and she did the same thing, and said stop. So she stil ignores me, and I emailed her to say we need to talk. I have had it with drama, but when I lay it out straight it doesnt work...I know this shouldnt bother me but god damnit it does. I dont like it when people dont like me for something I did and dont explain it.
And most of my friends are busy as well as me, so I dont get to hang out much. Which means IF I have free time its on the computer, because its what I like to do alone. The problem is I have had too much alone time. I'm a social butterfly I guess, and when im confined I get depressed about it somewhat. Not like a disorder type but just longing for interaction. Plus the fact I dont have a lot of friends here. OU is just the place you have to be in a click to be something. I have aquaintences which I talk to, but they go off and do their own thing...sooo its frustrating as hell.....
Im done gushing, i hate doing this but getting it out is the best way for me. Hope everyone else is surviving, and I hope to see ya sometime
School is a monster. Yes this is my hardest semester and it will be over in 2 months, but I was burnt out about 3 weeks ago. It's not that the material is hard, it's that there are a million things to do, remember, calculate, document that my mind is on overload, and I make stupid mistakes which are costing me dearly. I want good grades. I need them. Not just because I want to go to grad school, or want a damn good job, but to show that i'm not stupid, that I DO understand the material, but I am doomed to always make some mistake which knocks me down a peg. Today I studied hard for my Control Systems test and I think I did damn well, but the professor made it that easy. Lately I have been having tests where no one finishes in time, and the class average is a 40...My Solid Mechanics teacher is a dick, only cares about derivations and nothing applied, writes them on the board, then when we take a quiz over them, we get most of it wrong because he left stuff out and didnt tell us. My lab reports take 7-10 hrs minimum and im still getting Cs to Bs, although im definatly not alone in the class, and the upcoming wind tunnel report will be 15hrs +...I hate sitting for long periods of time, doing mindless calculations and formatting..I LOATH it.
One of my friends in class has suddenly said im mean and is going at great lengths to ignore me. Ive been hanging out with her since last semester and she all of a sudden she takes joking personally, or something. Not even her best friend knows exactly why. Then she acts nice to me, then calls me mean again when I try to explain something painfully obvious to her, and i swaer to god my tone is not belittling. If i make a comment im usually joking with her cause thats how I am, but apparently she doesnt know who I am and takes everything the wrong way. The minute I realized this I turned to her and said she is acting like a girl I knew, and was close to, and she did the same thing, and said stop. So she stil ignores me, and I emailed her to say we need to talk. I have had it with drama, but when I lay it out straight it doesnt work...I know this shouldnt bother me but god damnit it does. I dont like it when people dont like me for something I did and dont explain it.
And most of my friends are busy as well as me, so I dont get to hang out much. Which means IF I have free time its on the computer, because its what I like to do alone. The problem is I have had too much alone time. I'm a social butterfly I guess, and when im confined I get depressed about it somewhat. Not like a disorder type but just longing for interaction. Plus the fact I dont have a lot of friends here. OU is just the place you have to be in a click to be something. I have aquaintences which I talk to, but they go off and do their own thing...sooo its frustrating as hell.....
Im done gushing, i hate doing this but getting it out is the best way for me. Hope everyone else is surviving, and I hope to see ya sometime