I hate August 11th.
I'd like to first take a minute to apologize to my brother, whose birthday it is today, he's 20. Happy Birthday Jeffrey! But so far, this day sucks.
First of all, today would have been me and Eric's 2 year anniversary. And even though I am happy that we aren't together anymore, and I am so happy to be with Brian, it's still sad, and sends a ton of "what if?"s through my head. So I'm in a slightly odd mood anyways because of that. It's very difficult to understand, but anyone that has broken up with a long term guy, and then reached what would have been their next anniversary, understands.
So to make matters worse...me and Brian had the semi-"Talk" today. We didn't talk much, but he told me what he thought was best. We were at the beach, so I didn't want to go all out about what I want in public. But what sucks is that he thinks it's better if we like, see other people while at school, like an open relationship. Now anyone who knows me knows that's not what I want. But also, anyone who knows me knows that all I want is for Brian to be happy. And even though I myself am not happy right now about what we're doing, it's better then knowing he's unhappy with the situation. If that makes any sense. But here's the thing...He never dated in hs because he didn't have the time. Now he has the time. He's going to find someone. I know it. And me, who is not going to hook up with anyone, just because I don't think it's worth it, is going to get hurt again. Just like always. He says it'll mainly just cover our asses if we slip and have that drunken make out. But I won't do that.
And when I think about it now, it's like...Was this summer just a waste of time then? Honestly, how the FUCK can I expect him to want to still be with me NEXT SUMMER, not even that, but even just be single next summer. So my 6 years of waiting for the guy of my dreams, who seemed like a dream come true yesterday, is all worth nothing.
I knew he'd break my heart.
They always do...
First of all, today would have been me and Eric's 2 year anniversary. And even though I am happy that we aren't together anymore, and I am so happy to be with Brian, it's still sad, and sends a ton of "what if?"s through my head. So I'm in a slightly odd mood anyways because of that. It's very difficult to understand, but anyone that has broken up with a long term guy, and then reached what would have been their next anniversary, understands.
So to make matters worse...me and Brian had the semi-"Talk" today. We didn't talk much, but he told me what he thought was best. We were at the beach, so I didn't want to go all out about what I want in public. But what sucks is that he thinks it's better if we like, see other people while at school, like an open relationship. Now anyone who knows me knows that's not what I want. But also, anyone who knows me knows that all I want is for Brian to be happy. And even though I myself am not happy right now about what we're doing, it's better then knowing he's unhappy with the situation. If that makes any sense. But here's the thing...He never dated in hs because he didn't have the time. Now he has the time. He's going to find someone. I know it. And me, who is not going to hook up with anyone, just because I don't think it's worth it, is going to get hurt again. Just like always. He says it'll mainly just cover our asses if we slip and have that drunken make out. But I won't do that.
And when I think about it now, it's like...Was this summer just a waste of time then? Honestly, how the FUCK can I expect him to want to still be with me NEXT SUMMER, not even that, but even just be single next summer. So my 6 years of waiting for the guy of my dreams, who seemed like a dream come true yesterday, is all worth nothing.
I knew he'd break my heart.
They always do...