ooo new feature!
Just wanted to update on my collection... this new post editor is weird
I feel like my dedennes are just sticking out of a sea of blue and pink... I need more tho lol
Anyways... life is good.
It's funny, when you start to realize that you enjoy living, the past seems so... distant. Even if it was just yesterday. I smile. It feels great. I like living, there's so much to do, to see, and to become. I wonder what I will become. I love everything, I wonder if that love will stay? Even in seeing horrors committed around the world, I still love living.
I recently found out that my goal, my want, is to help. Mostly to help animals, because well they are voiceless, but just the smallest things that can make someone smile, someone laugh.... I hope I can make more people smile. Mostly now that I know what it means to truly smile, and be happy!
I wonder if everyone was just happy... if everyone could just smile, and have this want to help... is that possible?
I want to be alive for as long as I can... And if I die, then I suppose I'm not scared, but I would feel like life was unfinished. I'll be sad. I'm sad thinking that one day I'll die, but I'm not scared. I wonder how I'll live and how I'll die. I wonder, will I still have this joy in me? It's funny, it's not that the world broke me, but more like I was broken and now I'm back together?
I hope I don't break again, but if I do I'll always have this to remind me, being happy is real. It can happen.
I drive around, I walk around. And there's like this... sunshine over my head, not a grey cloud! I love it. I love feeling this way! I WANT to live! You want to live. Remember that. There is much to be done. To help others, you got to be alive!
I fed a duck the other day, the way its tail feathers wagged was adorable... Right now, I have my four darling german shepherds, Ellie who I adore, and who could forget Xerxes! He's sitting next to me right now...
I remember... I would say, "I'll stay alive for now, just for you." Haha I love my cat... But, now I say "I'll be alive, and I'll be happy, and I'll do it with you.". Even after you're gone... I'll remember you, and you'll live on... Though currently death doesn't even look close to you! I'm so glad... that you're here...
I haven't cried in a while... which is so weird? I'm a crybaby at heart. But, I haven't felt... like that. I bet my sister would be happy! I think she knows, but its hard to put into words what its like... this transition from hating living, to wishing for death, to this. I smile. And it feels great! Did I already say that? Well anyways, happiness is obtainable.
And it's hard to say what did it. I could just say it was the medicine... And that certainly made this possible! But... it was also finding my goal. Even though its blurry, I know what I want to do. And I have to do it. So don't die on me! You've got work to do! Like now... I should be doing homework... haha.
I had a chemistry test yesterday... it was hard! I didn't get two questions, but I didn't cry, I didn't break down, it wasn't the end of the world. Today, it was pretty easy! I feel pretty good about that.
I sometimes feel like some people want you to fall down, or maybe it's the world, but I'll stand. Yes, I will. I will stand tall (to fix my posture) and I will keep standing!
Strength, may you stay with me. I like having you by my side.
I love you, as you are now and then.