the saga continues... at five words per minute...
BART once more into the dirty, exciting, strange heart of San Francisco. Again I am early. (Was that part of my plan? Only sort of...) I wander around, eventually returning to stand in front of Tu Lan, our agreed-upon luncheon-site. Waiting for Diep, I start reading the articles posted in the window; I learn that Julia Child once ate here. How odd.
I am interrupted by a smallish black man standing beside me. He asks if I have eaten here before.
No, I have not. It's really good, man, delicious. You should try the shrimp fried rice. Oh yeah? Yeah, I don't know what they do to it, but it's like yellow, maybe with, uh, uh-- Turmeric? Yeah, turmeric, maybe! Anyway, it's really good. Hey, listen, I'm really starving here, really hungry- could you spare some money for... Ah, sorry, man, I'm a student, I don't really have any money. (Only a half-lie.) Well, okay, but, listen, this place really is really good, so if you have any leftovers, maybe bring 'em out here for me? Well, okay, but I'm pretty hungry and I can't guarantee I'll have any leftovers. Ha, okay. Listen, the shrimp-fried rice, man. Yeah? And, uh, they got, what, sweet and sour fish, that's real good, too. It's just perfect and, ah, man, now I've made myself hungry! Ha, sorry! Alright, man, take care, alright?
Diep has arrived.
We step up, but not into, the restaurant's small entrance. We wait at the end of the clump of people waiting to be seated. The place is tiny, a narrow sliver of space shared between a few tiny two-three-person tables and the busy kitchen alongside. Soon, we shuffle in and perch precariously on the high stools provided for the waiting. I feel surprisingly almost-comfortable as I cling to my bag and peer over at the kitchen. Diep is telling me a bit about the great egg rolls they serve here. "Hey, there they are. You see that guy there?"
"That one?"
"No the other. He's like part-owner, I think. Anyway, he makes the egg rolls." (Imperial rolls, I assume.) "I don't know how he does it, but they're really good. Mine sometimes taste like that, but not often." (Ah, she cooks.)
We're seated and continue our discussion of egg rolls, falling into other topics. I talk a bit about my adoptive Vietnamese relatives, how my aunt Yung would often make spring rolls-- "The fresh ones or fried?" "Yeah, egg rolls." --at family reunions. Delicious. But I recently learned that she doesn't like to cook, so it's kind of tragic, all these years... Man, you know, gotta find that ideal arrangement. What? Oh, you know, somebody who likes to cook and somebody who likes to eat. Can't have one without the other.
She says, who doesn't like to eat? (Ha! Excellent.) Well, I don't understand it, but I've met some people... (It seems she hasn't met these people.)
I ask her about her family, where they're from, how many siblings. She is strangely unforthcoming. She answers, but minimally. (I asked how many siblings she had. She gave me a number and didn't elaborate.) Not encouraging. But, on the other hand, she carefully remembers out loud what pieces I've told her about my family. It's strange, one-sided and neither one thing or the other.
Eventually we (somehow) get to discussing videogames. This seems a more comfortable topic for her. (I am surprisingly uncomfortable discussing videogames 'in public', but can still speak knowledgeably and easily.) She plays WoW (to stay in contact with her younger siblings, awesome). I don't, but know quite a bit about it. As we discuss the announcement of Starcraft 2, and I explain something of the economy of Diablo 2 (why am I talking about this?!), I am embarrassed by how much I know about these things. But she seems interested enough, surprising me and relieving. We talk about online gaming etiquette, the experience of discovering that you've been playing with an 8-year old.
The egg rolls are, in fact, really good. They have that intriguing and rare bumpy-chewy skin; Diep informs me that that is fried rice paper. She said that Tu Lan has great egg rolls, but the rest of the food is only eh. She is right, on both counts.
I follow her directions to the restroom, which proves an adventure in itself. Threading to the very back of the narrow dining space, I stand confused a moment. Turning around, I see the stairwell, tucked out of sight from in front. Treading the dark, red stairs up into relative quiet, I emerge into a smaller dining area, dark and empty but for a man slouched in the corner. He looks at me, looks away. I turn into a small hallway, stepping past a small, well-lit room with a group of men in animated discussion. (Are they playing cards?) The hallway ends where the roof slopes down to head-height. I stand there, a little confused. After a little study, I decide to try out the tiny, tiny closet door. (There aren't any other doors to try.) It's a bathroom!
I return to the table, but soon after, she asks the time and says she should go. We step up to the counter and confuse ourselves with the bill for a bit. That taken care of, we step outside. "So I have some errands to do. What are you going to do now?"
Hmm, yes indeed. But I assume she means right now. "Well, I'm meeting some friends later, but I'm not doing anything right now. I'll walk you... if you don't mind."
She doesn't. We walk on, going into a discussion of the etymology of l33t morphology. She suggests an explanation for "pwned" that has nothing to do with typoes. ("Player-owned"?) I am unconvinced, but interested. She is equally unconvinced regarding my theories about third-person present "pwns" developing into the stem "pwnz". I enjoyed this conversation perhaps more than any previous with her. It was fun, ridiculous and academic and both of us were easy and knowledgeable.
We arrived at an ATM and I stood aside as she did her transaction. The ending-time was looming, and I felt anxious. I should ask her if she realizes that I'm interested in her. But of course she must at least suspect it. But it must still be stated! But there's no time! Stuck in indecision, foolishly trapped in fear and desperation. Ah, well. I'll ask next time, give it a proper space to be answered and understood. But, gah!
She finished and faced me. "So what are you up to?"
"I don't know; I've got a couple of hours to kill."
"What? When are you meeting your friends?"
"We're meeting for dinner at six."
"Why did you plan to meet so much later?" Perhaps she suspects that I might want to spend more time with her. (Oh no!)
"That's when people get off work."
"Oh. Where are you guys meeting?"
"Up there somewhere. On Larkin. Ha, Vietnamese again. But, uh, not soup this time. Sandwiches."
"You're going to Lee's?"
"Uh- yeah." Why am I surprised that she knows that place? Maybe 'cause nobody else seems to...
"I was just there yesterday..." Yeah, that's pretty awesome. "Well, what are you going to do until then?"
"I don't know, wander around."
"Hmmm. Well, let's see..." Diep begins to outline various points of interest. The Asian Art Museum is up that way, they're doing an exhibit on Tezuka right now. (I nod; Kanane had talked about going to see that exhibit.) It's an interactive exhibit, letting people put up their own manga-style drawings. That's kind of interesting. Next Tuesday is the free day, and every Thursday evening it's cheap. "I think it's like $5 after 5:00, and they stay open later." I knew about the free day, but hadn't heard about Thursday evenings. But it's not Thursday. Hmm.
And the library is right over there. "That building?" Yes.
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'll probably go visit the library. I haven't been to the San Francisco libary before." Hm, she seems very concerned that I have something to do with myself. The questions I would like to ask weigh on me.
"Okay. Well, have a good time at Lee's. See you soon?"
"Yeah! Soon. Take it easy, Diep." Diep! Do you want to go out? What are you doing right now? Can I join you? Do you know that I like you?
Did she just say "soon"?
I stood there, biting my lip and watching her walk away. Argh!!!
Just- look away, Danya. Look away. Okay. We'll have to wait.
Did she say "soon"?
I crossed the street with other pedestrians, trying to look for the library. My skull buzzed and my legs quivered. 'Discombobulated,' I thought to myself, trying to distract myself in description.
I found the library; it was indeed right over there. I entered, noticing but not really understanding the big entrance set into a corner, the pale stonework, the impressive size of the building. I wandered through the strangely huge lobby past the security gate. The guard did not stop me.
Wow, this place is pretty big. Diep... I wonder what kind of interesting obscure books... Diep!
Gah! What am I going to do about this?! Where's the directory? Oh, nevermind. Let's just find a place to settle down. I don't need to understand the whole library right now. Don't want to. wanting... what do i want?
A bank of elevators. I follow someone off on the third floor, distracted and confused by the great empty space in the center of the building above the lobby. I curve with the walkway along to the left to find temporary solace in a stack of long tables. Neverminding the glass booths for-- what? studying? --I grab a chair and pull out my book. But I just sit. Trying not to think, trying to think. It doesn't matter; nothing holds together.
Someone was sitting here before me, I notice. A small pile of manga. I might recognize one of the titles, but forgotten in a moment. A stack of Chinese newspapers on the divider in the center of the table. What are you going to do about Diep? I start reading my book.
I mean, seriously, has anything even happened?
Not very eventually, I get up and wander around. I'm in the non-English texts section, coincidentally. At any other time, I might be interested in pulling out that Hebrew dictionary, Chinese grammar-book, or looking for Spanish celebrity magazines. But I don't have the concentration to be so powerfully intrigued as I might be.
I wander further, notice a missed call, connect with Bruna, send my regrets to Grace. Coordinating dinner can get complicated.
Going up, I find a small outdoor courtyard. Still feeling febrile, I try to call Heather to spew and gibber. No answer: not surprising considering the time of day. Still early.
I read my book, hungry for the distraction. Alone in a strange, giant library, I read to avoid thinking.
After a few hours, much nearer the end of my book, I go looking for Lee's sandwiches, where I am to meet the others. Passing curiously through a different set of security gates, I emerge onto the streets and head in the wrong direction. I study my map in some confusion, wander around and eventually get my bearings. I'm not sure how I got so confused; my compass (the small plastic one I carry in my bag) may need to be replaced. Once I understand where I'm going, I start to appreciate the brisk wind and bright sunshine better. I feel nervous and, though I am now certain where I am, still a bit lost. My head is loose, and I worry what might happen in my distracted state.
Still no coherent thoughts on Diep, just a flurry of leaves in the wind. why did she say that? why did she seem so reluctant to discuss that? am i alone in my nervous uncertainty? probably... maybe?
I pass the Asian Art Museum.
She definitely said "soon."
I sight my destination and swing past, still and again very early. Looping around, I feel better knowing my destination. Heading toward the park-like space between the Asian Art Museum and City Hall. Absorbed in myself, I am interrupted by an earnest young black man. He tells me that the Chinese restaurant he's standing in front of has a cheap dinner special and would I buy him dinner. Thinking of the friendly man earlier, I agree. I'm happy to help and food is less controversial than money.
He seems surprised and is quite grateful. I wish him well and he tells me that I should look for him in this area again. We bid each other farewell.
That's two very cordial interactions with young homeless in about 4 hours.
I wish I had asked his name...
I sit in the grass and read for a short bit. The book was nearly at an end.
I returned to Lee's to find Nan inside. An international student from mainland China, strangely innocent and interested in art. Slightly uncomfortable and very sweet. We chatted a bit: her parents are visiting and I had lunch with Diep. Grace arrived. Chinese-American, fairly quiet. I don't yet know her well enough, but she is likable. Yam called; something had gone wrong with directions and she was up on Geary. Yam is Thai, very funny, animated, a little loud and very genuine. Also ridiculously photogenic. I gave her directions from there. She then called me back to keep me on the line; she was nervous about a strange man walking behind her. I went outside to spot her while Nan and Grace talked about Grace's upcoming trip to China. I saw Yam about a block away and waved. We went inside to join the others. Bruna arrived about 15 minutes later. Bruna is Brazilian, candid and easy-going; she speaks easily enthusiastically. I had my English 425 sociolinguistics course with all of them and was very, very happy to see them again.
I told them a little about my encounters with Diep. I had spoken to some of them of her before, at the start of summer. They were excited about the idea of meeting her. We talked about Yam's new boyfriend, Martin; they started dating a week into the summer and were enthusiastically spending all their time together. But the major topic was Bruna's engagement.
I don't know how long she had been dating Joe, but she had spoken of him during the semester and the engagement was no very great surprise. But still very exciting!
Joe arrived a little later and Martin a while after that. This was the first time any of us had met them (aside from Bruna and Yam, respectively), and I got to play the interrogator for the benefit of the group, which was strange and funny. Both of them are extremely relaxed and answered questions easily. Joe is very animated and enthusiastic. The two of them make a very cute, fun couple. I imagine them having many adventures. Martin is easygoing and is very, very good at putting people at ease. Quieter than Joe, he seems a good counter-balance for Yam.
I am interested in seeing more of them.
Chia-Ying was in Union City and Yunkyoung was in Canada, and their absences were remarked-upon. This group of international students became my good friends during the semester. This made the semester both much happier and entertaining, but also quite a bit busier. We studied together and met almost every week for conversation. They're a lively group, and I'm very pleased and grateful to have gotten to know them. I was very happy to see them again.
It was a long day, and I got home after everyone was in bed. I was tired and happy. As I lay down to sleep, I was struck quite forcibly: she certainly did say "soon"! And, following closely: she was very clear and detailed about the museum... I wonder if I should invite her to that.
Agh! Of course! I can't believe it, that was such an obvious hint, and I hardly noticed! Gah!
And sleep was nearly impossible after that. The hint seemed obvious enough that I was idiotic to not notice and immediately follow up, yet subtle enough that I could still be imagining things. And I didn't know how I felt about it. This was a sticking point. How could I pursue her in honesty if I didn't know my own feelings? Yet, how could I decide to like her if I didn't know how she felt? The same, stupid question that has plagued me for years. I thought I had escaped...
I hardly slept at all and literally worried myself sick.
I had decided to call her on Friday, but being sick put a kink in the works. (I really dislike talking on the phone when sick.) I went weak and emailed her about the museum idea. I hate waiting for a response.
I got a response on Saturday: she was already going on Thursday with an old friend. Bah. Oh well. I wrote back, I might go on Tuesday, we can discuss the exhibit next time we get together. (Excellent, very smooth.)
I remained ill and anxious for the next several days. I decided not to go to the exhibit on Tuesday.
That Tuesday morning I got a reply from Diep. Actually, she'd already been to the exhibit once before (that's why she knew so much about it) and also her boyfriend works there.
Yup. Boyfriend.
Violent anti-climax.
And I seriously need to get better at this. I gotta ask that question much, much sooner. "Hi, my name is Danya. Are you single?" Too forward? Gugh.
Getting tired of this same ending... Did you predict this turn of events?
I am interrupted by a smallish black man standing beside me. He asks if I have eaten here before.
No, I have not. It's really good, man, delicious. You should try the shrimp fried rice. Oh yeah? Yeah, I don't know what they do to it, but it's like yellow, maybe with, uh, uh-- Turmeric? Yeah, turmeric, maybe! Anyway, it's really good. Hey, listen, I'm really starving here, really hungry- could you spare some money for... Ah, sorry, man, I'm a student, I don't really have any money. (Only a half-lie.) Well, okay, but, listen, this place really is really good, so if you have any leftovers, maybe bring 'em out here for me? Well, okay, but I'm pretty hungry and I can't guarantee I'll have any leftovers. Ha, okay. Listen, the shrimp-fried rice, man. Yeah? And, uh, they got, what, sweet and sour fish, that's real good, too. It's just perfect and, ah, man, now I've made myself hungry! Ha, sorry! Alright, man, take care, alright?
Diep has arrived.
We step up, but not into, the restaurant's small entrance. We wait at the end of the clump of people waiting to be seated. The place is tiny, a narrow sliver of space shared between a few tiny two-three-person tables and the busy kitchen alongside. Soon, we shuffle in and perch precariously on the high stools provided for the waiting. I feel surprisingly almost-comfortable as I cling to my bag and peer over at the kitchen. Diep is telling me a bit about the great egg rolls they serve here. "Hey, there they are. You see that guy there?"
"That one?"
"No the other. He's like part-owner, I think. Anyway, he makes the egg rolls." (Imperial rolls, I assume.) "I don't know how he does it, but they're really good. Mine sometimes taste like that, but not often." (Ah, she cooks.)
We're seated and continue our discussion of egg rolls, falling into other topics. I talk a bit about my adoptive Vietnamese relatives, how my aunt Yung would often make spring rolls-- "The fresh ones or fried?" "Yeah, egg rolls." --at family reunions. Delicious. But I recently learned that she doesn't like to cook, so it's kind of tragic, all these years... Man, you know, gotta find that ideal arrangement. What? Oh, you know, somebody who likes to cook and somebody who likes to eat. Can't have one without the other.
She says, who doesn't like to eat? (Ha! Excellent.) Well, I don't understand it, but I've met some people... (It seems she hasn't met these people.)
I ask her about her family, where they're from, how many siblings. She is strangely unforthcoming. She answers, but minimally. (I asked how many siblings she had. She gave me a number and didn't elaborate.) Not encouraging. But, on the other hand, she carefully remembers out loud what pieces I've told her about my family. It's strange, one-sided and neither one thing or the other.
Eventually we (somehow) get to discussing videogames. This seems a more comfortable topic for her. (I am surprisingly uncomfortable discussing videogames 'in public', but can still speak knowledgeably and easily.) She plays WoW (to stay in contact with her younger siblings, awesome). I don't, but know quite a bit about it. As we discuss the announcement of Starcraft 2, and I explain something of the economy of Diablo 2 (why am I talking about this?!), I am embarrassed by how much I know about these things. But she seems interested enough, surprising me and relieving. We talk about online gaming etiquette, the experience of discovering that you've been playing with an 8-year old.
The egg rolls are, in fact, really good. They have that intriguing and rare bumpy-chewy skin; Diep informs me that that is fried rice paper. She said that Tu Lan has great egg rolls, but the rest of the food is only eh. She is right, on both counts.
I follow her directions to the restroom, which proves an adventure in itself. Threading to the very back of the narrow dining space, I stand confused a moment. Turning around, I see the stairwell, tucked out of sight from in front. Treading the dark, red stairs up into relative quiet, I emerge into a smaller dining area, dark and empty but for a man slouched in the corner. He looks at me, looks away. I turn into a small hallway, stepping past a small, well-lit room with a group of men in animated discussion. (Are they playing cards?) The hallway ends where the roof slopes down to head-height. I stand there, a little confused. After a little study, I decide to try out the tiny, tiny closet door. (There aren't any other doors to try.) It's a bathroom!
I return to the table, but soon after, she asks the time and says she should go. We step up to the counter and confuse ourselves with the bill for a bit. That taken care of, we step outside. "So I have some errands to do. What are you going to do now?"
Hmm, yes indeed. But I assume she means right now. "Well, I'm meeting some friends later, but I'm not doing anything right now. I'll walk you... if you don't mind."
She doesn't. We walk on, going into a discussion of the etymology of l33t morphology. She suggests an explanation for "pwned" that has nothing to do with typoes. ("Player-owned"?) I am unconvinced, but interested. She is equally unconvinced regarding my theories about third-person present "pwns" developing into the stem "pwnz". I enjoyed this conversation perhaps more than any previous with her. It was fun, ridiculous and academic and both of us were easy and knowledgeable.
We arrived at an ATM and I stood aside as she did her transaction. The ending-time was looming, and I felt anxious. I should ask her if she realizes that I'm interested in her. But of course she must at least suspect it. But it must still be stated! But there's no time! Stuck in indecision, foolishly trapped in fear and desperation. Ah, well. I'll ask next time, give it a proper space to be answered and understood. But, gah!
She finished and faced me. "So what are you up to?"
"I don't know; I've got a couple of hours to kill."
"What? When are you meeting your friends?"
"We're meeting for dinner at six."
"Why did you plan to meet so much later?" Perhaps she suspects that I might want to spend more time with her. (Oh no!)
"That's when people get off work."
"Oh. Where are you guys meeting?"
"Up there somewhere. On Larkin. Ha, Vietnamese again. But, uh, not soup this time. Sandwiches."
"You're going to Lee's?"
"Uh- yeah." Why am I surprised that she knows that place? Maybe 'cause nobody else seems to...
"I was just there yesterday..." Yeah, that's pretty awesome. "Well, what are you going to do until then?"
"I don't know, wander around."
"Hmmm. Well, let's see..." Diep begins to outline various points of interest. The Asian Art Museum is up that way, they're doing an exhibit on Tezuka right now. (I nod; Kanane had talked about going to see that exhibit.) It's an interactive exhibit, letting people put up their own manga-style drawings. That's kind of interesting. Next Tuesday is the free day, and every Thursday evening it's cheap. "I think it's like $5 after 5:00, and they stay open later." I knew about the free day, but hadn't heard about Thursday evenings. But it's not Thursday. Hmm.
And the library is right over there. "That building?" Yes.
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'll probably go visit the library. I haven't been to the San Francisco libary before." Hm, she seems very concerned that I have something to do with myself. The questions I would like to ask weigh on me.
"Okay. Well, have a good time at Lee's. See you soon?"
"Yeah! Soon. Take it easy, Diep." Diep! Do you want to go out? What are you doing right now? Can I join you? Do you know that I like you?
Did she just say "soon"?
I stood there, biting my lip and watching her walk away. Argh!!!
Just- look away, Danya. Look away. Okay. We'll have to wait.
Did she say "soon"?
I crossed the street with other pedestrians, trying to look for the library. My skull buzzed and my legs quivered. 'Discombobulated,' I thought to myself, trying to distract myself in description.
I found the library; it was indeed right over there. I entered, noticing but not really understanding the big entrance set into a corner, the pale stonework, the impressive size of the building. I wandered through the strangely huge lobby past the security gate. The guard did not stop me.
Wow, this place is pretty big. Diep... I wonder what kind of interesting obscure books... Diep!
Gah! What am I going to do about this?! Where's the directory? Oh, nevermind. Let's just find a place to settle down. I don't need to understand the whole library right now. Don't want to. wanting... what do i want?
A bank of elevators. I follow someone off on the third floor, distracted and confused by the great empty space in the center of the building above the lobby. I curve with the walkway along to the left to find temporary solace in a stack of long tables. Neverminding the glass booths for-- what? studying? --I grab a chair and pull out my book. But I just sit. Trying not to think, trying to think. It doesn't matter; nothing holds together.
Someone was sitting here before me, I notice. A small pile of manga. I might recognize one of the titles, but forgotten in a moment. A stack of Chinese newspapers on the divider in the center of the table. What are you going to do about Diep? I start reading my book.
I mean, seriously, has anything even happened?
Not very eventually, I get up and wander around. I'm in the non-English texts section, coincidentally. At any other time, I might be interested in pulling out that Hebrew dictionary, Chinese grammar-book, or looking for Spanish celebrity magazines. But I don't have the concentration to be so powerfully intrigued as I might be.
I wander further, notice a missed call, connect with Bruna, send my regrets to Grace. Coordinating dinner can get complicated.
Going up, I find a small outdoor courtyard. Still feeling febrile, I try to call Heather to spew and gibber. No answer: not surprising considering the time of day. Still early.
I read my book, hungry for the distraction. Alone in a strange, giant library, I read to avoid thinking.
After a few hours, much nearer the end of my book, I go looking for Lee's sandwiches, where I am to meet the others. Passing curiously through a different set of security gates, I emerge onto the streets and head in the wrong direction. I study my map in some confusion, wander around and eventually get my bearings. I'm not sure how I got so confused; my compass (the small plastic one I carry in my bag) may need to be replaced. Once I understand where I'm going, I start to appreciate the brisk wind and bright sunshine better. I feel nervous and, though I am now certain where I am, still a bit lost. My head is loose, and I worry what might happen in my distracted state.
Still no coherent thoughts on Diep, just a flurry of leaves in the wind. why did she say that? why did she seem so reluctant to discuss that? am i alone in my nervous uncertainty? probably... maybe?
I pass the Asian Art Museum.
She definitely said "soon."
I sight my destination and swing past, still and again very early. Looping around, I feel better knowing my destination. Heading toward the park-like space between the Asian Art Museum and City Hall. Absorbed in myself, I am interrupted by an earnest young black man. He tells me that the Chinese restaurant he's standing in front of has a cheap dinner special and would I buy him dinner. Thinking of the friendly man earlier, I agree. I'm happy to help and food is less controversial than money.
He seems surprised and is quite grateful. I wish him well and he tells me that I should look for him in this area again. We bid each other farewell.
That's two very cordial interactions with young homeless in about 4 hours.
I wish I had asked his name...
I sit in the grass and read for a short bit. The book was nearly at an end.
I returned to Lee's to find Nan inside. An international student from mainland China, strangely innocent and interested in art. Slightly uncomfortable and very sweet. We chatted a bit: her parents are visiting and I had lunch with Diep. Grace arrived. Chinese-American, fairly quiet. I don't yet know her well enough, but she is likable. Yam called; something had gone wrong with directions and she was up on Geary. Yam is Thai, very funny, animated, a little loud and very genuine. Also ridiculously photogenic. I gave her directions from there. She then called me back to keep me on the line; she was nervous about a strange man walking behind her. I went outside to spot her while Nan and Grace talked about Grace's upcoming trip to China. I saw Yam about a block away and waved. We went inside to join the others. Bruna arrived about 15 minutes later. Bruna is Brazilian, candid and easy-going; she speaks easily enthusiastically. I had my English 425 sociolinguistics course with all of them and was very, very happy to see them again.
I told them a little about my encounters with Diep. I had spoken to some of them of her before, at the start of summer. They were excited about the idea of meeting her. We talked about Yam's new boyfriend, Martin; they started dating a week into the summer and were enthusiastically spending all their time together. But the major topic was Bruna's engagement.
I don't know how long she had been dating Joe, but she had spoken of him during the semester and the engagement was no very great surprise. But still very exciting!
Joe arrived a little later and Martin a while after that. This was the first time any of us had met them (aside from Bruna and Yam, respectively), and I got to play the interrogator for the benefit of the group, which was strange and funny. Both of them are extremely relaxed and answered questions easily. Joe is very animated and enthusiastic. The two of them make a very cute, fun couple. I imagine them having many adventures. Martin is easygoing and is very, very good at putting people at ease. Quieter than Joe, he seems a good counter-balance for Yam.
I am interested in seeing more of them.
Chia-Ying was in Union City and Yunkyoung was in Canada, and their absences were remarked-upon. This group of international students became my good friends during the semester. This made the semester both much happier and entertaining, but also quite a bit busier. We studied together and met almost every week for conversation. They're a lively group, and I'm very pleased and grateful to have gotten to know them. I was very happy to see them again.
It was a long day, and I got home after everyone was in bed. I was tired and happy. As I lay down to sleep, I was struck quite forcibly: she certainly did say "soon"! And, following closely: she was very clear and detailed about the museum... I wonder if I should invite her to that.
Agh! Of course! I can't believe it, that was such an obvious hint, and I hardly noticed! Gah!
And sleep was nearly impossible after that. The hint seemed obvious enough that I was idiotic to not notice and immediately follow up, yet subtle enough that I could still be imagining things. And I didn't know how I felt about it. This was a sticking point. How could I pursue her in honesty if I didn't know my own feelings? Yet, how could I decide to like her if I didn't know how she felt? The same, stupid question that has plagued me for years. I thought I had escaped...
I hardly slept at all and literally worried myself sick.
I had decided to call her on Friday, but being sick put a kink in the works. (I really dislike talking on the phone when sick.) I went weak and emailed her about the museum idea. I hate waiting for a response.
I got a response on Saturday: she was already going on Thursday with an old friend. Bah. Oh well. I wrote back, I might go on Tuesday, we can discuss the exhibit next time we get together. (Excellent, very smooth.)
I remained ill and anxious for the next several days. I decided not to go to the exhibit on Tuesday.
That Tuesday morning I got a reply from Diep. Actually, she'd already been to the exhibit once before (that's why she knew so much about it) and also her boyfriend works there.
Yup. Boyfriend.
Violent anti-climax.
And I seriously need to get better at this. I gotta ask that question much, much sooner. "Hi, my name is Danya. Are you single?" Too forward? Gugh.
Getting tired of this same ending... Did you predict this turn of events?