(no subject)
I know its been a long time. I feel bad about it too. Because hanging
out with you guys was something that was worthwhile. Now it feels like
my life one giant mundane task. The image I have of myself a year ago
is drastically different that the image I have of myself now. I would
like to think I was a fun person at one point in time. Now just a face
in the crowd.
You know what else is weird. I know so many different people with such
vast knowledge in a plethora of subjects, but it seems all these
people that I know are friends I made as a different person. Like I
knew I could approach you about the tire thing even though I have not
seen you but once in like half a year. I appreciate you answering me
as if we had just hung out last weekend. Its the little things from
all my "friends" (and I put it in quotes b/c it is I who have breeched
the k of our friendships) that bring little bits of joy in this long
and extraneous day that seems to be my life. You can't even fathom the
immense joy that I get from reading ass random email frenzies that go
on from the team.
I promise, rather I hope that one of these days we will be able to
hang out again and have it be like before. But alas it feels as if
the amicable Manthan only survives in the memories of my "friends".
And I am afraid of bringing this meloncholy person into your
perceptions of me, because he will surely murder what remains of the
only part of me that I still aspire to be.
I am currently in the process of trying to revive that part of me.
Trying to hang out with people again. Socialize. Not be alone all the
time. As you can see it has had some adverse effects on me.
-----One of my recent emails---------
out with you guys was something that was worthwhile. Now it feels like
my life one giant mundane task. The image I have of myself a year ago
is drastically different that the image I have of myself now. I would
like to think I was a fun person at one point in time. Now just a face
in the crowd.
You know what else is weird. I know so many different people with such
vast knowledge in a plethora of subjects, but it seems all these
people that I know are friends I made as a different person. Like I
knew I could approach you about the tire thing even though I have not
seen you but once in like half a year. I appreciate you answering me
as if we had just hung out last weekend. Its the little things from
all my "friends" (and I put it in quotes b/c it is I who have breeched
the k of our friendships) that bring little bits of joy in this long
and extraneous day that seems to be my life. You can't even fathom the
immense joy that I get from reading ass random email frenzies that go
on from the team.
I promise, rather I hope that one of these days we will be able to
hang out again and have it be like before. But alas it feels as if
the amicable Manthan only survives in the memories of my "friends".
And I am afraid of bringing this meloncholy person into your
perceptions of me, because he will surely murder what remains of the
only part of me that I still aspire to be.
I am currently in the process of trying to revive that part of me.
Trying to hang out with people again. Socialize. Not be alone all the
time. As you can see it has had some adverse effects on me.
-----One of my recent emails---------